You know what I love about The Love Vitamin?
Because you guys and gals are just so dang brilliant, it amazes me. The comments you leave are so thoughtful and smart and straight up wonderful.
Every once in a while, I get a comment that I’m digging so much that I just have to make an entire post about it.
In this case, this comment came from a the article I posted a while ago about how to deal when someone makes a comment about your skin.
The commenter relayed that it hurts so damn much when someone says something about our skin because in one big anvil-crashing-from-the-sky-onto-your-heart-moment, it seems to validate what you’ve been thinking the whole time but you desperately hoped wan’t true: that everyone is noticing your skin.
The truth is that some people are going to notice your acne and some aren’t. Some people may actually judge you for it. Most people might see it for a second, think pretty much nothing of it, and then never give it a thought again.
In the end, you can’t change what they think, and really, the only thing that actually matters to your own happiness is what you think of yourself.
So think about this for a second… how much are you judging other people?
It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. We all do it to some degree (yes, even me!). But, really, think about it. We are told every day by media that we should look a very specific way, a way that is fabricated and totally unrealistic. That is usually what we are judging others against – this fake beauty ideal.
And when you judge others against this standard, it’s simply inevitable that you are going to then judge yourself against the same standard. When you pick apart all their flaws, it’s pretty much a given that you will then have to pick apart your own.
And that’s when you get chokeslammed by low self esteem and self loathing. And nobody likes that.
Here was her comment:
I’ve noticed it actually helps me not judge myself so harshly when I actively try not to judge the women around me. I noticed that my mind tends to size women up and judge them silently (maybe to bolster my own self-esteem, or because that’s how I imagine that I am judged, or a mix of both).
When I try to stop my mind in its tracks, I actually notice so much more about the woman around me rather than less. That there is such a rich, surprising beauty about all the different ways we are shaped, about the sound and cadence of our voices, the way our hair falls, the textures and colors of our skin, the expressions we make, and on and on.
All the narrow snap-judgment tends to fall away in the wake of all of this richness. And I find myself feeling okay with feeling more vulnerable. Women’s vulnerability has a kind of distinction. Our flaws make us unique and memorable in a sea of advertisements that hide all that distinction and call it beauty.
So how do you stop judging others on their appearance?
- First thing’s first, you have to actually be aware of the judgment, which means you have to be aware of your thoughts. Meditation and mindfulness practices will help you with this if you don’t know how to do that yet.
- When you start to judge someone, catch yourself. Stop the thought in its tracks.
- Seek out something interesting or beautiful about the person. You can find something in everyone, I promise. Even yourself.
That’s pretty much all there is to it!
By the way, I’m sending love to all of you across the Love Vitamin universe right now.
Do you actively judge others for their appearance? Do you see a correlation between your judgment of others and judgment of yourself?