If you read last week’s “Tracy’s Truth Vomit” posts, I spilled my heart, soul, and guts on why I have been emotionally pulling away from The Love Vitamin over the last while.
And now to continue my “renew the woo” series as I am now calling it, I will confess something else that has been bothering me but never wanted to say out loud.
Another reason I have been emotionally pulling away from The Love Vitamin is that….
I’m addicted to Estroblock.
Okay, so it’s not quite as bad as a heroin addiction or anything.
In the scheme of addictions, it’s pretty low grade.
But it’s still there.
The blessing and the problem is that it just works too frickin good.
It works so well for me, that I never want to stop using it. If they stopped making it… okay, I’d live, but I’d be pretty damn sad.
In other words, I feel emotionally dependent on it.
And, so what, you ask?
Isn’t it great that you found something that works so well for you?
Isn’t that why you would use anything (whether it be a diet, supplement, skin care product) …. because it works?
Yes, it is. It is very great that it works. It pleases me. It pleases me too much.
So here’s my complaints about the whole thing:
It Works So Well, I’ve Gotten Mad Lazy
Problem is, it works so well that I’ve started to let my diet slide big time.
At first, this was a good thing. I think I was too strict with my diet and that anxiety was probably doing more harm than good.
So with the help of Estroblock (aka DIM or diindolylmethane), and to a lesser degree its sidekick Thorne SAT, just taking that edge off my skin, I allowed myself to be more lenient with my food, which lead to me being a lot happier and my skin being better than ever.
I attributed my skin being better than ever to a combination of the two things: Estroblock and reduced stress over food.
I assumed that if I ever quit using Estroblock, it would have helped balance my hormones and the reduced stress over food would hold its own, and my skin would still stay pretty dang good.
Problem is, slowly over time, my diet got more lenient and more lenient.
Overall, when I’m home, it’s still quite good and compared to most people in the word, it’s excellent.
But I do break a lot of my own rules and recommendations.
Like, I’ll aspire to follow most of them ….
But I also eat many of the things I don’t recommend for the skin in moderate doses, a lot of the time.
Like most of my meals will have something that I don’t expressly recommend if you are just beginning your journey to clear skin. Some gluten or cheese or white rice or a bit of something with sugar in it or something otherwise processed.
This has lead me to not want to share recipes or pictures of what I’m eating because, well, it doesn’t always follow my clear skin guidelines exactly to the T, and it inevitably leads to questioning. It’s become easier not to.
The quality of my diet has also been on a faster decline lately because I’ve been traveling a lot over the last six months. Not necessarily overseas, but a lot of out-of-town trips.
And, well, let’s be honest – it can be a bit of a headache to worry too much about food when you’re out of town, so I’ve slid into taking the easy way and have just started eating anything and everything when I’m away.
For me, I’m like.. oh well, not such a big deal when you don’t travel much but when you’re going away all the time, it starts adding up. And so it’s really started adding up now.
And it hit an all time low on my trip to South America I just got back from.
This was partly out of laziness but mostly just because of what was available (aka nothing healthy). Very few vegetables, and a ton of white bread, sugar, pizza, pasta, ice cream… you name it.
I really didn’t like that.
That was going over the line for me (I DO still really care about my health! I’ve simply fallen susceptible to being human).
But the good thing was that having that lack of choice has legitimately made me crave to get back to a healthy lifestyle and diet (which I’ve really, really been enjoying since I’ve been home).
Sometimes you just need the choice for something to be taken away before you remember how much you appreciate having it.
Okay… Your Diet’s Kind of Slid… What About Your Skin?
And to be honest, my skin isn’t that amazing all the time either.
I mean, it’s not awful or anything, but I have definitely been getting some breakouts over the last while.
If I was still eating extremely well AND on Estroblock, I’m sure my skin would be out of this world like it was when I first started using it.
But Estroblock is certainly not the full answer. You can’t just eat complete garbage, or live a really unhealthy overall lifestyle, and expect miracles. When I am eating really bad and not exercising much, like on this recent trip, it’s very obvious in my skin.
But, like I said, it definitely takes the edge off.
Even when I’m not eating very well, my skin breaks out, but the Estroblock and the Thorne SAT (I currently take an average of one triple strength per day, and one Thorne) still keeps them mostly small and makes them go away quickly.
For me, it keeps the acne at a very manageable level.
I am emotionally at the point where I just don’t care if my skin is kinda not perfectly amazing (it’s nothing a small bit of concealer won’t take care of), if it means that I don’t have to worry so much about food and gives me a bit more freedom.
I’d still be pretty dang upset though if it got bad again, and so that’s why I feel so dependent on the Estroblock.
It’s my pillowy white safety net.
It just keeps me at that sweet sweet spot with my skin.
And I know it does, because then I finally got up the courage to quit using it after a couple of years on it…
I assumed by then, it surely would have helped balance my hormones and everything would be just fine.
After all, I’d heard many accounts of peeps quitting it after a period of use, and their skin stayed great after (although probably because their lifestyle went from worse to better while using it, instead of the reverse like me).
But two months after stopping it, I got a pretty significant breakout…
Now it was not like my face was covered or anything, but it was bigger than anything I’d had in a long, long time and it made me very uncomfortable.
So I ran back to it and haven’t had a breakout like that since.
And I felt like shit about it… because it made me realize that no, it wasn’t the reduced stress from being lenient about your diet that was keeping your skin at that manageably clear level.
It probably helped in the beginning, but what with the significant slide in diet, it was wishful thinking over the long run.
The Estroblock just really works that well.
(I also recently found out there is new research that suggests DIM is actually a direct DHT androgen blocker (in addition to its estrogen metabolizing properties), which is probably the true reason behind its magic. Which also means it may not work once you stop using it.)
Oh You Hypocrite You
And then I curled up into a ball and wanted to hide from the blog.
It made me feel like a big fat hypocrite, because I realized the depth of my dependence. I didn’t think I was so dependent on it before I took my break from it, so I felt better about my use back then.
But this made me realize that I was.
Because yeah I don’t follow my own advice perfectly, and yeah my skin isn’t always as crystal clear as I feel an acne guru’s skin should be (which when I have a breakout makes me not want to meet new people who may ask me what my job is… other than that, the actual acne doesn’t bother me that much anymore).
And yeah it sucks that it’s expensive.
And yeah I feel dependent, and how is that different than being dependent on chemicals or pharmaceuticals, which I don’t particularly recommend using? (hypocrite!!)
And yeah I kind of feel guilty that Estroblock works so well for me with no side effects, where as it certainly isn’t going to be as effective for every person.
And yeah I feel a bit weird about the fact that while everything I’ve read says it’s likely fine to take DIM long term, there isn’t actually any long term data on it. So that makes me feel a bit uneasy, but I am currently willing to take the risk (that is totally up to you what you want to do there).
And yeah I get a little anxious when I think about the day when I may possibly have to stop taking it, for one reason or another.
This is what I dislike about this dependence thing.
But here’s the thing…
I don’t want to change and I don’t want to stop using Estroblock.
To put it simply: it’s made my life easier, and I like easy. Who doesn’t like easy?
And So Just Keep Taking It and Stop Whining Then??
The thing is… I am pretty happy with where I am.
My skin isn’t 100%, but most of the time it’s good enough for me. My diet isn’t 100% but most of the time it’s good enough for me. I never ever ever want to quit a natural supplement that gives me no apparent side effects. Not ideal, but good enough for me.
I am at a spot that pretty much works for me, and in reality, it’s not really a problem, because … don’t we all want to get to a spot in our diet and health and skin that works?
So I’m a little emotionally dependent on it. So what? I’m human.
The only reason this all really bothers me is because… well, I didn’t want to talk about it with you guys and tell you the truth about my little Estroblock addiction ….. because I didn’t want you to give me shit about it and suggest some reason why I should stop taking it. Whatever that may be.
Yes, I know, I’m stubborn. I like to do what I want and don’t especially like being told what to do. I can be like an insolent toddler.
And so I’d rather just not talk about it and avoid the subject. If we don’t talk about it, then you won’t suggest a reason why I should stop, and then I don’t have to.
Which is leading to me pulling away from you.
So here we are. Talking about it. Clearing the air. Being buddies again.
But please don’t make me go to Estroblock rehab.
Next week on “renew the woo” or “Tracy’s truth vomit”, we’re going to talk even more about some recent problems in my life and my journey through them ….. stay tuned!