I wrote a post quite some time ago entitled “Do You Have a Mental ‘Safety Net’ When It Comes to Your Acne?“.
In this article, I was talking about how many of us have certain things or routines that we get really emotionally attached to, because we imagine that these things keep us safe from the evil acne monster.
For me, it used to be my face wash and benzoyl peroxide. Then it became my diet. Now, I have to admit, I’m pretty attached to my handy dandy ‘Estroblock‘ supplement.
We get so attached to these things because we put all of our feelings of “okay-ness” onto them. Without them, we imagine horrible things will happen which will make us feel really really bad (aka. acne). So we desperately cling to them.
That’s all fine and good while you have your safety net, but what happens if it is taken away? What if you have to skip washing your face with your special face wash tonight? What if you ate something that wasn’t on your list of “good” foods? What if you run out of your supplement and your new shipment is backordered?
Well, the answer is of course a lot of stress and anxiety, which may lead to a breakout, which leads to a self fulfilling prophecy, which then deepens your dependence!
The thing is that the majority of the attachment to the safety net is a mental one. Maybe that thing really does help your skin, but it is us who give it this huge meaning – this epic responsibility. This immense pressure to save us from our despair.
Anyway, in my article, I was condoning the safety net, saying that a safety net can be a good thing as long as it’s a very simple one that is unlikely to be broken. It’s when you start getting into these elaborate routines full of mountains of products, superfoods, supplements, procedures, etc, that things start to get complicated.
I also mentioned that I wanted to work on making happiness my safety net, so that I would know that as long as I am happy and relaxed in the face of adversity, then I will feel secure that acne will not hurt me.
Anyway, a lovely Love Vitamin reader named Ana recently commented on the article and brought a new perspective that I am totally on board with.
She said that the point is not to have a safety net. It’s to grow to the point where YOU are your own safety net. By you, I mean your inner strength to know that you can overcome anything bad that happens to you. Your strength to know that you don’t need any “thing” to save you, all you need is yourself.
Check it out:
Hi Tracy,
Regarding the safety net – what my life and experiences have to say about it: the point is not to have any. Having a safety net is remotely similar to a very mild OCD (to ease your anxiety you need some kind of artificial “affirmation” that what you are anxious about is not going to happen).
So the goal should be to get you into the state when you feel/believe that if anything happens, you can handle it. That you have enough resources to be OK, to survive, to find a way out, to accept it, or to change it.
You cannot really anticipate what life will bring your way, so you cannot prepare specifically in advance. But WHATEVER it is going to be, you yourself is arsenal strong enough to deal with it (your mind with ideas, your intuition, experiences, courage and all your strengths 
) = basically, it grows directly out of your self-esteem/confidence/awareness.
When I was a kid, I was pretty insecure – not about my flaws, but I figured out that if I needed help, my parents would not have been there for me. I basically had to learn how to deal with stuff on my own. So I started wearing a special bracelet as a “shield”. I believed (not really, I just needed something to rely on and ease my anxieties) that as long as I had it, nothing bad was going to happen to me.
Then I lost it and I had a serious thought: “Now I have to replace it quickly, but since things get lost, this time it should be something I cannot lose.” I was travelling on a train at that time staring out a window and noticed my reflection and I thought: “My hair. My hair is always there. So as long as I have my hair, I am fine.”
Some time later I got a hair cut a lot shorter than I wanted. So I felt like I lost my hair. For a few months I felt really lost but slowly I started to tell myself: “Maybe the best thing would be to just give up on this and switch to yourself. If you have managed so far you will be fine in the future too. You will never lose yourself and anytime you need help, I am here for you.”
That is my story and I realized that if you put a lot of baggage on anything (if you ascribe too much power or inappropriate powers to something) you make it rule your life and then, when you lose it or it breaks or it goes away for a while, you assume your life is gone as well.
In my opinion, even happiness does not deserve to be dumped with such a load of duties. Sometimes you are not happy, maybe you are sad or depressed… but it is because of something, and it is good to find out the reason so you can see if there is something out of balance. To feel threatened that it is going to cause you another disaster is just more stress, lowering your courage and self-esteem to sort out what the problem is with ease and without panic.
Be your own safety net! It will solve the control issues.
As long as you rely on yourself and not outer world/conditions/things/
Like you say, we should not be caught in our past… well, we can use our past in a much better way – we can lean on it and build our self-confidence with it (and learn from it, of course). That is how really true self-esteem is built. You know what you are good at, what you are capable of, what you have to work on, what you like and what you do not, what you accept and what is intolerable and why.
So when you are anxious about your skin, you can just say: “If I managed it then, I can manage it now as well and will be able to in the future.” or “If I had clear skin once, I can have it again too.” or even “Do you remember when your skin was just really awful and you did not want to go out with friends and then they convinced you and nothing bad really happened? If nothing bad happened then, nothing is going to happen this time as well.”
Repeat for some time and you will start to notice that you do not care much about your skin anymore. And when it needs some cure (I actually do not suffer from acne but psoriasis), you do it without that emotional load – just like you do when you cut your nails and when you, for example, do not have time to do a procedure, you just skip it without even paying attention to it.
Keep up the good job, Tracy. Good luck!
Watch It!
Do you have an acne safety net that you rely on? Do you think you could ever get to the point where you are your own safety net?
amy says
June 4, 2013 at 2:22 pmhowever i feel that if i did not ‘care’ about my skin being bad then it would cause me to not really want to do anything about it – which is a bad thing because i feel as though acne is a symptom of something going on inside your body that is not right/balanced. And if this is ignored its only going to get worse and more detrimental…
Tracy says
June 4, 2013 at 3:57 pmHi Amy,
Acne is generally a symptom of something going on inside, and you’re right – something needs to be done in many cases. However, sometimes acne is caused by actually trying TOO hard and for some people the answer really is to just let it go and do nothing (which relieves stress, gets them to stop irritating their skin with harsh face washes, creams etc)
But anyway – that’s actually not what this article is about. It’s not about doing nothing or doing anything about your acne, it’s about the emotional projection and meaning that people give to certain routines/products/etc.
Most people don’t actually know to what degree their routines are actually helping their acne/preventing it from getting worse. But they are so emotionally attached to that thing because they just need it in order to ease anxiety about acne. Unfortunately this doesn’t work that well because sometimes you can’t do your routines and then stress hits the wall!
So the point of the article is to, you know… keep doing whatever you’re doing to get rid of acne, but instead of relying on a certain product or routine in order to feel “okay”, just remember that no matter what happens – if you can’t do your routine for some reason – that it doesn’t need to be this horrible event. Because you know that you have the strength to get through it no matter what happens – even if you do end up with some pimples because of it. You are your safety net, because you know that you are always there for yourself, where as a product or routine may not be.
Maribeth says
June 4, 2013 at 5:15 pmI love this! It’s so inspiring. It can definitely be really difficult to not form a safety net like this when you’re scared. I have done this at many times. It takes a lot of courage to let go and build the strength to be your own safety net.
Tracy says
June 5, 2013 at 9:12 amTotally does!! I loved what Ana had to say about it 🙂 Very inspiring
Lauren says
June 4, 2013 at 6:00 pmThis came at the perfect time! I am taking a trip this weekend and I’ll be away for 5 days. I was getting anxious about my “routine” and not being able to do it the way I have been, and the fact that I’m running very low on my cleanser didn’t help. Now I feel much more calm about it and I’m determined to have a good time–and my face will get better and better!
Tracy says
June 5, 2013 at 9:14 amThat’s great Lauren! So happy this article helped you…. have a fantastic trip! 😀
Christine says
June 5, 2013 at 11:26 amHow long do you plan on taking Estroblock?
I’ve been using it for 4 months and, compared to other methods I’ve tried, it has cleared my acne the most! The only downside is I think I have more, and longer, peach fuzz on my neck and face. Still, I’m nervous about not using it anymore.
Tracy says
June 6, 2013 at 7:20 amHi Christine,
I’ve been using it for about a year… I kind of want to wean off to see if I don’t need it anymore (mostly so I don’t have to pay for it anymore.. so far I haven’t had any adverse side effects)… but I am a little nervous to stop it! It’s my safety net!
However, I do feel like I’ve come a long way on this and don’t feel as emotionally dependent on this as some of my past safety nets. I think I could do it pretty calmly without much freaking out.
Tim says
June 5, 2013 at 7:50 pmGreat post! Feels like this is what the whole blog is about, being physically and mentally and emotionally free from acne and the various stresses it brings. I found that by slowly dismantling my safety net one product at a time proved that I didn’t need it. 6 months a go I was using a whole drawer full of different things 2-3 times a day to keep the acne away…. But then slowly weaned myself down to no soap, no topicals etc. It’s funny because at first the idea of ditching my safety net was as terrifying as going in for a root canal, but looking back it’s more like I was scared to try a chocolate chip cookie.. After taking a bite you realize quickly ” this isn’t scary and isn’t going to kill me– and actually this is the best!” … If that makes sense, I guess I almost feel silly looking back at how worried I was about trying something new
Tracy, are you still taking/eating the fermented for liver oil?? I am just finishing my first bottle of it and am not sure if it actually helped or if it just became another layer of my “safety net”… I like knowing that it is good for my whole body but it sure isn’t cheap !
Tracy says
June 6, 2013 at 7:24 amHi Tim,
It’s funny how true that is about facing your fears – before you challenge them, they look like the most horrifying thing on the planet. After you face them, you totally feel a little silly for having been so scared (at least I do!) The fears suddenly look like cute little kittens! haha…
As for fermented cod liver oil, yep, I still take it, but I don’t remember to take it every day. I keep it around since I know how good it is for my overall health and skin, but I know it’s expensive, so don’t feel obligated to keep on with it if you don’t think it’s doing amazingness for you. Everyone’s different!
Stefanie says
June 6, 2013 at 2:55 pmHi Tracy,
So I bought some water kefir grains yesterday. According to Cultures for Health, they need sugar water in order to survive, but since I am staying away from sugar at all cost, what should I do then? Can I just use coconut water?
Tracy says
June 7, 2013 at 7:05 amHi Stefanie,
The bacteria eat the sugar in it, so if you ferment it long enough, it shouldn’t have any sugar left in it. You can use other things though that contain natural sugar, like coconut water, yes 🙂
Ana says
June 7, 2013 at 8:10 amyummyyyyyy where do you get coconut water??? Ive never seen it. Actually, where do you get water kefir grains too? Meh, what do use water kefir grians for?? 😀
(lol, Tracy, if there is an article about this on your blog dont answer — I just havent got there yet probably :))
Ana says
June 7, 2013 at 7:42 amThanks Tracy for the article 🙂
…and I know exactly what Amy means — I dont know how well informed you guys are about psoriasis, but well.. in my case, if it is not treated it ends up in bloody painful thing making you feel like you are wearing clothes made of blades.. So, “not caring” about it is basically impossible (as long as you have pain receptors :)).
And well, it is incurable and only medicine that works are corticosteroids that Im not allowed to use for longer than 2weeks (lol)…
And yet, those past 18(or more?)years full of pain were just gorgeous years with so many joyful experiences… just thanks to my stubborness not to give up life because of stupid pain, not to let my skin make decisions for me. Because I do not remember the pain. I remember anything and everything, I know that my skin really did hurt (I remember crying of pain), but I do not remember the pain. And if I stayed locked up at home in soothing bath, all I would remember now would be … soothing bath.
At the same time, I have never given up hope that it IS curable. I have never stopped trying to heal it by myself. And I went through highs and downs, I have figured some stuff out already, some still remain, and some new symptoms occur. But I can tell you, Im never gonna give up. And yet, Im not gonna sacrifice my life for it either. It is easier said than done, I know. It is f-cking hard!(Mind you, I used to look at my skin with magnifying glass in hope that if I could see how those skin cells work and what is wrong with them, I would be able to stop it somethow, lol.) But sometimes you have no other choice than to bite the bullet and decide if you want to eat a cake or to keep it (until you figure out how to have both :), but while figuring out..you know, time is precious).
Eventually, (what I have noticed) the more conscious you are about why you do what you do, things beneficial for your health will become your life and you do not need to control anything (you avoid “toxins” like you avoid eating bugs – naturally :))… suddenly, you just OBSERVE and a side effect is that your observing skills in all areas of life are getting better and better 😉
Safety nets have their function. So use them up for what they are good and then let them go. Dont let them rule. Mind you, without my “shields” in childhood, Im positive I would have ended up with some mental pathologies :). Not letting them go would have the same effect though. Do not make yourself dependent — cooperate.
Sorry for such a long comment again. I feel like I want to convey a specific point but it is so difficult for me to translate it into words..
Kit says
June 8, 2013 at 4:56 amWow. This is…hard. Part of the reason I’ve been working so hard for the last few years to simplify my routine is because it was totally my safety net, and VERY hard to maintain – especially when my gut was leaking and I could barely eat anything but vegetables without getting cysts. So glad that’s over. I spent a ton of time fasting to still maintain my freedom and go places, but that took a toll on my body and I ended up getting super skinny.
I’m still trying to get to the place of feeling like “even if this breaks me out, I’ll get through it.” I’m so glad you posted this comment from your reader. What a beautiful way to live. All this time, I thought total clarity was the goal, but now I’m realizing the goal BEHIND it – total freedom.
Tracy says
June 8, 2013 at 9:52 amHi Kit,
I think this whole thing is a long journey, but you will one day get there to the goal of total freedom. I think I’ve always known that was my end goal, although I never knew if I would really get here… to be completely emotionally, mentally, and physically free from acne – and I’m happy to say that I think I have finally arrived there. You’ll get there too !!!
Kim says
June 8, 2013 at 3:54 pmHello Tracy,
I hope your doing well!:)
Ever since reading about diy dry poo on your blog.. Ive been doing no poo thing!! My hair feels great and my face is actually so much softer and clearer! Never realized how many chemicals i was dumping onto my scalp before!
I was wondering what you thought of this poo and have you ever used it? My mom Just purchased for me..f013-4d34-936e-8de3ed359537.
Tracy says
June 9, 2013 at 8:03 amThat’s awesome Kim! Yeah, shampoo is something people don’t think about when it comes to acne… all those chemicals streaming down your face. I haven’t tried that shampoo… it looks okay, but still has some chemicals in it, so I can’t say how your skin will react to it!
Something else you might want to try is honey (mixed with warm water) to wash your hair with…. just heard of this as a great no ‘poo alternative to using baking soda… as baking soda is quite alkaline it’s pretty harsh, and honey is ph balanced and gentler…. I’m gonna try it next time I wash my hair!
Kim says
June 8, 2013 at 3:57 pmhttp://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002XWZH6A/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
Kim says
June 9, 2013 at 12:47 pmIm definetly going to try the honey thing! Seems so simple! I tried the shampoo last night and it works really well at cleaning, but it does kind of dry my hair… Its hard to explain, its moist at my scalp and dry like hay at my ends..,??? Weird
HOw long do you go before washing? I always try to go a week, but i usu. have to wash 2 or 3 times a week..
Tracy says
June 9, 2013 at 2:30 pmI just tried the honey… my hair looks and feels a little strange compared to when I use baking soda… I wonder if I rinsed it out well enough. I will have to try it again. It seems like I am washing it about once a week, with a bit of dry shampoo used mid week
Chelsea says
June 13, 2013 at 12:10 amThis is such a great topic and article!! Thanks Tracy! Congrats on your beautiful glowing skin. You’ve worked so hard for it.
I am thinking of ordering estro block, but I have a question… I am 21 years old and about 6 months ago stopped getting my period. I had always been regular up until then.I have a pretty healthy diet, but lately trying not to obsess about it like you suggest. I’m thinking maybe my hormones are out of whack. would estroblock possibly help or hinder?
Tracy says
June 13, 2013 at 10:28 amHi Chelsea 🙂
Hmm yes if you have lost your period, there’s definitely a hormonal imbalance. I can’t say why or what the issue is though, or whether Estroblock would fix that. Are you eating enough food? Are you exercising pretty hardcorely? Lack of calories and intense exercise can cause this. If you don’t think that’s the case, I would suggest working with a naturopath to see what’s up.
Mimi says
July 3, 2013 at 12:51 pmHey, Ms. Tracy
I’m excited to say the after a year of following your advice and eating well, my skin is finally clear, I haven’t had a breakout in two weeks. The final puzzle piece was, actually, positive affirmations and meditation. I’m not even watching what I eat that closely, just trying to keep my blood sugar stable and doing my “spirit work.” I always thought saying affirmations was cheesy, new age crap. But after giving it a serious try I stand corrected. I had never realized how degrading my self-talk was, until I actively tried to make it uplifting. And meditation, it can be hard to find time for, but with a little research you can find a practice that works well for you. I do a lot of visualizations.
But anyway, thank you Tracy for all the help along the way, and I’ll keep checkin in. (=
Tracy says
July 3, 2013 at 10:25 pmHey Mimi,
That’s so wonderful. I’m happy that the last piece of the puzzle for you was something that probably will be a huge improvement to your life and happiness… way to go 🙂 So happy for you! xox