The most traumatizing thing about having acne is how unattractive it it makes us feel. So how do you go about the nerve wracking activity of dating people when you are positive that the other person must be repulsed by your skin?
I mean, going on dates, or starting a new relationship, is hard enough as it is. Throwing acne (or acne scars) in the mix can be terrifying. But in most cases, it really shouldn’t hold you back from trying to find love.
So to address the question of whether or not the opposite sex actually minds if you have acne. Well, the bad news is that I don’t think anyone actually really likes acne. To my knowledge, I don’t think there are any acne fetishists out there (although you never know). I’m pretty sure everyone would generally prefer if acne just didn’t exist.
But I think that in most cases, it’s really not as big a deal as we think it is. Because, in reality, a LOT of people have at least some acne. Seriously. Just look at people. People have blemishes. I know we always think that our skin is way worse just because it’s ours, but acne is a thing that happens to real people everywhere all the time.
Which means most of the time, if you have acne, but you happen to also have a lot of other amazing qualities that they find attractive, they just won’t care about your skin. In the end, people just aren’t holding out to date the model with perfect skin above all else. If they were, they’d get really lonely.
Plus, when you like someone, no matter what their physical flaws, they always become more beautiful in your eyes. Acne can definitely be transcended. A lot of people might even say they wouldn’t date someone with acne, but when it comes down to it, if they found someone they really liked, it honestly wouldn’t matter to them.
My Experience with Dating and Acne
In all my years of having mild (and sometimes moderate acne), I have dated plenty of people, who obviously either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Having acne was probably a lot worse for me than it was for them, because I was embarrassed about it thinking that they cared, but they obviously just didn’t give a hoot.
When my acne got severe, well, I was too traumatized to even think about going near the opposite sex. But even with my skin that bad, I actually had quite a few people who were still very interested in me – during, and after, while I was still dealing with the bright red scars. This was surprising to me, but it goes to show that even acne that bad can be looked past.
And what about me? Have I dated guys with acne? Yep. I have dated guys who get spots and it didn’t bother me. No one with serious acne, but that situation just never came up so I can’t say whether I would have dated them or not.
Sounds Cliché, but Confidence Really Is King
Confidence. Hard to harness when you have a face full of acne, buuuuttt… it’s sooooo true that it matters above all else.
Many people just know that their acne keeps them from being able to date, but more than likely it is because many people with acne will act shy, distant, and ashamed of themselves (not to mention, they don’t actually ask anyone on dates!), which is actually what wards people off – not the acne! There is nothing more unattractive than being completely uncomfortable with yourself.
People are seriously attracted to confidence. It is the ultimate trump card for everything else.
I was recently having a conversation with a long time male friend of mine who used to have a decent bit of acne. Of course he was embarrassed about it, and he never got girls. But then one day he just said ‘fuggit’ – he would pretend to be confident and go for it anyway.
Like magic, despite having the same amount of acne – he found himself with all sorts of female attention. Crazy, hey?
I asked him whether it would work in reverse. For him, would a girl with confidence in herself be able to overcome all flaws she had, including acne? He said ‘Absolutely. There is nothing more attractive.’
I also recall him telling me a story a long time ago about someone we had gone to high school with who had always had pretty severe acne. This guy had a lovely, gorgeous girlfriend. One day, the guys implored to him desperately “How is it despite your skin you were able to snag this amazing girl?”
His response? (this always stuck out in my mind) – he says “Well, I have acne one way or the other. So I could be that sad, lonely guy with acne, or I could be that outgoing and confident guy with acne. Which one is going to be better for me?”
Amazing.
You might also recall that I wrote an article some time ago called “You Can Be 100% Overwhelmingly Beautiful, Even With Acne“, where I told the story of a girl I had met while travelling. She had acne, yet she was seriously the apple of all the boys’ eyes because she was so confident in herself.
Tips for Gaining Confidence and Dating With Acne
- Sometimes becoming confident is literally about faking it till you make it. Act confident even if you don’t feel it inside. Smile, laugh, start conversations, make eye contact. You may not feel comfortable at first (you might be downright terrified), but the more you do it and you see the way people respond positively to you, you will naturally become more confident.
- To build self esteem on the inside, put into practice the tips from this article about how to start loving yourself. Being kind to yourself and engaging in activities that you’re passionate about will begin to show you that you have a lot of awesome stuff about you that has nothing to do with how you look. The opposite sex will notice too.
- If you are dating someone and feel awkward wondering if they notice your acne or not, or whether it bothers them, get brave and talk to them about it. Sometimes it’s the secrecy, and hiding, and wondering, that makes all the emotions about acne so much worse. You’ll probably find that they don’t care and love you for who you are, and it will be a huge relief. Click here for more about this.
Dating and acne. Tell your stories, tips, tricks, and personal confidence boosters in the comments below. Go.
Wow, this is totally what I needed to read right now. I’ve been feeling exactly how you wrote – wanting to avoid romantic contact until I figure out to clear my skin naturally (I recently gave up putting chemicals on my skin). Your friend’s philosophy was so spot on!
Thank you for sharing the love!
Glad you enjoyed the post Andrea! x
Are you wearing makeup now? You look so pretty. When I first met my husband and started dating, my acne was severe and I was absolutely traumatized. I would not let him see me without makeup.. no matter what. If he stayed the night I would sleep with makeup on and wake up and put more on top of that until I would take a shower and start clean. I know it made my acne worse, but I had severe anxiety about it. I wouldn’t even talk about it to him, and basically acted like it didn’t exist. He was polite and never said anything about it. I wish I would have talked to him about it, to possibly relieve some stress from myself of trying to hide it. We have now been married for almost 5 years and have 3 boys, my skin has gotten a lot better and I can actually be at peace with it, and I can be around him without makeup. I feel like I was a prisoner to my acne when it was bad. After having my third baby 3 months ago my hormones got thrown off and I started breaking out a bit again. I’m now taking Estroblock and Liv-Tox to try and get leveled out again. I know it’s not my skin care since I only use hemp seed oil on my face which hasn’t been a problem before for the past 6+ months.
I also went through a similar situation with my now husband. When we were first dating, we were in a particular situation where we lived together and I would sleep with my makeup on and then put more on top until he would leave. Then I would shower and put on makeup before he came home. Now, my skin still isn’t great, but I have never felt so beautiful around a guy. If a guy loves you(or is interested in you), he won’t care at all. In fact when I talk to him about the past, he said he never noticed my acne. Even when he did start to notice it, he didn’t care one bit. I know it sounds kind of cliche, but acne really doesn’t define your beauty, especially to other people. Most of the time people will not see what you see. And if they do care, then you don’t want to be with a person like that anyways. It’s like not wanting to be with someone because they gained a few pounds. I also think the most important step was being able to open up about my acne to him; it was very freeing.
Hi Candace and Sarah – I’m so happy for you that you found guys who love for who you are and make you feel beautiful no matter what your skin looks like. They’re winners for sure!
My boyfriend used to have severe acne. This was before we had met, but while I “knew him” (he sat next to me in a class, and I saw him around all throughout high school). His acne was bad, but yes, I liked him so much that I didn’t care. Now, he’s 99% clear and I went to him for advice about my own skin, and it helped me tremendously. Apparently, he didn’t seem to care about my skin when we first met either.
That’s awesome Lauren 🙂 That’s great you can help each other out like that, knowing you both share the same issue
My best guy friend recently called me to tell me that he’s liked me for a long time and wants to see me and figure something out- this is a guy who I had a crush on for the entirety of senior year, so I was happy to hear that. That being said, in his memory (we haven’t seen each other for a few months), I’m probably the girl with perfect, make up free skin. I got awful acne in December that lasted through February and has finally calmed down, but I have some super dark acne marks on my left cheek (I’m Latina). He’s not shallow, but I’m scared that once he sees me he won’t feel the same. I can hide some of the marks with my hair. Do you recommend I talk to him about it, or try to act confident and see if that works first? Thanks
Hi Ariana,
My advice… well I totally understand that feeling … that used to be what stressed me out the most was having someone see me looking “normal” .. either with all my acne covered up or whatever, and then later on seeing me without and going “UGH WHAT! YOU HAVE ACNE!”…. of course I realize now that was all in my head and they actually don’t notice or care.
Truthfully I think this guy really likes you and won’t care at all but I understand how you feel, so if it’s going to make you nervous wonderingI would highly suggest bringing it up with him and asking him what he thinks. I guarantee he will say he hadn’t noticed or doesn’t care and then you will feel relieved knowing it’s all out there! It makes a huge difference to your happiness to just get it off your chest!
This is so true. Our lives dont have to stop for acne unless we let them. I notice that if I have a blemish but decide to forget about it and be a normal level of social with people, that they respond to me well. Its only when I choose to withdraw that I have any problem with a social situation. As for dating, initial dating is hard, but once you get to know the person and see that they respond with love no matter how your skin looks, a blemish or two no longer seem like a big deal. And if they do, remember that it will be over with in a couple of days and you can go back to feeling fine again.
Truth! It makes a big difference when we just try to forget about it and act normal and confident, people just do not care!
Shouldn’t you be in India now? Haha
Haha, I am! I’m in Varanasi right now. I made my articles and videos for this time before I left, as I knew that I wouldn’t have much time (and uploading videos here would be impossible due to upload speeds!).
Obviously, since I’ve had severe acne and still have that occasional spot.. I don’t mind dating people with acne. In fact, I saw a guy I had a crush on with some bad skin and I thought it was kinda cute… Well.. It might sound weird but I didn’t mind it at all haha. 😛 Not that I get turned on by pimples but it doesn’t disgust me.
Thanks for sharing Adel! Goes to show lots of people don’t mind about dating people with acne 🙂
Well, I agree, actually I have had guys fall head over heels with me when I had severe acne. But it’s a bit hard to believe when you have had two abusive (verbally) boyfriends and they were the first men you have been with, who tell you how you need to get rid of these pimples and how careless you are for having them. Also when your own family does it and some occasional stranger. This leaves deep scars in your soul. It’s true that bone structure does more for the way you look than the quality of the skin but when so many people tell you how awful you look it’s really hard to gain confidence. At least if there are only scars left you can easily hide them. However, if you find yourself with such a partner, get out as soon as possible and stop believing a single word they say. It doesn’t mean that appearance doesn’t matter because it does, but trying to please somebody who doesn’t respect you and your feelings and puts you down intentionally, is not doing you any good. Just leave the asshole and if you do change something in your appearance don’t do it for the asshole, do it so that it will make you look better and you can benefit from it. Change your appearance from a place of confidence, not desperation. And I can’t stress this hard enough – if a man criticises you about the way you look, puts you down and demands you to change – leave him now!!!
Hey Flower yes that is the big thing – when you get an abusive person this all goes out the window. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this – but it sounds like you have the right attitude about it. If someone is like that they are not worth your time and energy! GET OUT!
I’m in the same situation. My selfesteem is over the ground sometimes. Comments like “nobody wants to be with you except me”. But thanks god is almost the end of the relationship because of almost 100% clear skin. My confidence is almost reached but some anxiety and low selfesteem still there but with faith I know everything will be ok
Everything will indeed be okay 🙂 sending love for healing x
Just remember – don’t believe a single word he says!!!! It took me years to overcome and heal the deep wounds he left me and it wasn’t until an ex shared how he can’t stop thinking about me and telling me how pretty I am that I finally started to believe I look good and maybe I’m not hideous! I know it destroys everything especially if you didn’t have a good self esteem to begin with but remember – his opinion doesn’t matter and no, his words are not true. Ask him – if I’m that disgusting, why are you with me?? And then leave him and never ever go back to him!!! And forget everything he said about you, it’s not true and he knows nothing.
Good luck!
My acne started to get worse over a year ago. I never used to have it on my cheeks but now they’re covered. Anyway, this passed summer, I had a fling with a guy and it started when my face was really bad. He never said anything about it and kept wanting to see me.
I also want to note that I never wear make up. I look at it the same way I look at push up bras. They have to come off sometime, I’d rather not have it be a surprise.
aaha.. ‘they have to come off sometime, I’d rather not have it be a surprise’.. lol. Truth. That was always the most stressful thing about acne and dating for me was how I perceived he would take the “surprise”
OMG I’m dying of laughter. This is the exact reason I don’t own one single push-up bra. Hahahahaha.
This was such a great article! Thanks so much for reminding us how important confidence is!!
As my acne has been healing, my self-esteem has been on the mend as well, which is soooo awesome! It’s amazing how much my own confidence in myself changes the way I feel and act around others!
Anyways, right now, most of my actual bumps are gone– now just got a whole lot of dark spots everywhere :/… Do you have any advice about how to heal those?
Anyways, I just wanna thank you so much Tracy, you and everyone on this blog are so encouraging!!! Have fun in India!!! 🙂
Glad to hear your self esteem and confidence are on their way back in Courtney 🙂 And way to go on getting rid of the active acne! Awesome. For healing pigmentation marks, the main trick is just time, but there are tricks to speed it up. Get on google and type in “The Love Vitamin acne scars” and it will come up with my articles about treating these!
Great article! My husband used to comment about my skin all the time only because he cares about me. It drove me crazy and added to my insecurity of looking ugly. After I asked him to stop focusing so much on my skin and he did, I felt more relaxed and could enjoy my life more dispite my blotchy face. I never cared about what others think of me. So it’s a big surprise to me that now everywhere I go when people look at me especially girls I feel insecure and ugly compare to them. I feel like the other girls who have clear skin and no make up are prittier than me and my husband might think so too. It’s crazy, I know, but I have nightmares about my husband leaving me because of my skin condition 🙁 Do girls with clear skin jugde girls with skin problems? Do they think I am ugly? Maybe it’s all in my head, I don’t know because I never asked.
Hi Helen,
I think these are thoughts that most of us who have dealt with acne have from time to time (or all the time!). I think the truth with acne and other “flaws” is that … some people will judge you, most don’t care or don’t notice. People are indeed judging people left and right for all kinds of random things, but not just acne; usually what they judge about is a reflection of their own insecurities. The only way to deal with this is to become more secure with who you are and let go of what other people think (not saying it’s easy!) – but yeah. It’s just that you can’t change what people think (if they don’t judge you about acne, someone out there will be judging you about something else), and what they think really has no bearing unless we let it control us. And I don’t think your husband – one person who does matter – is going to leave you over your skin. I totally understand your fears about it though! sending love x
Thank you Tracy for an uplifting reply! It will take some time for me to become as confidence as I once was. But the best thing for me to do right now is to stop focusing on how I look, out of sight out of mind 🙂 Thanks again! It means a lot!
Your mindset is way more powerful than your skin. When my acne was at its worst, I truly believed I was ugly. I hid in giant t-shirts and sweats and oversized jeans, didn’t bother with my appearance beyond the piles of concealer and foundation, and avoided talking to people. I did have a steady boyfriend at the time who didn’t care – cystic acne ran in his family, and he just never said anything. I didn’t believe him when he said I was beautiful, though. Oddly, that relationship fell apart after my skin improved. I don’t think it was the only reason (not by a long shot), but I ended up gaining a ton of confidence, dressing better, changing my hair, making more friends, becoming more outgoing…I think he liked me better the way I was before, but that’s a whole different story lol.
Anyway, I haven’t broken out in some time, but NOW when I do, it’s much less of a big deal, even just physically. I dress well in clothes I love that flatter me, I take care of my hair, I’ve gotten really fit, and I talk to people and smile. It’s just not as big of a deal to have a spot or two with everything else I have going on. I think I was unwittingly feeding how hideous and overlooked I felt before I got clear, just by making so much of it in my head and dressing/acting the part of the outcast. I’ve done a lot of dating since those days, but if I had acted more confident at the time, could I have done it then?
I bet you could have 😀
This isn’t really related but I have a question regarding the honey and sea salt cleanser you suggested in your ultimate secrets to acne freedom e book. This is only my second week using it but it doesn’t seem to be making my skin better. I just got off my period last week so maybe that’s why. Should I just keep sticking it out?
Hi Francesa,
Impossible to say if the honey and sea salt is the very best routine for you, but I do think you should give it more time to see if it works. Your skin does need time to get used to new things. (and often if your acne is hormonal then external skin care will only do so much!). I think this article might shed some light on what’s going on: https://thelovevitamin.com/2790/manuka-honey-initial-breakout/
Hi Tracy,
This is a random question.. I would like to take the Liv Tox supplements for liver support, but I read in a few places that you should do a colon cleanse before and after doing a liver flush. Since I just want to take the supplements and not do a cleanse(with estroblock), Do I have to go ahead and do the colon cleanse? I am not crazy about the thought of an enema.
Hi Sara 🙂
Taking a liver supplement like Liv-tox is not exactly the same thing as doing a liver flush. You can just take the supplements.
Hi Tracy,
Now that Liv-Tox has been taken off the market, could you recommend any other liver supplements?
Hi Sarah, I’m in the process of trying to find a similar product (similar herbs, similar quality) to recommend… so far my preliminary contenders are Wise Woman Herbals Hepacaps, or Gaia Herbs Liver Health.
Thanks! 🙂
Hi Tracy,
I’m 18 and never had a boyfriend. I’m really really scared of the opposite sex. I feel like they are like a different creature or something and that they’re really mean as far as I know.. I’ve never had a great relationship with my dad. He’s always been very absent and it’s disappointing. Even when he trys to show love he is always super aloof. I don’t feel like getting close to him either because deep down I’m so mad at him for no apparent reason. But anyways, should I try a dating site eventually?? I’m working on loving myself. I’m never really around people because I’m working on making money online from home with my mom- like online marketing. If you could give me advice I would soooo appreciate it!!!! Thank you.
Nevermind, this is too embarrassing I had a TMI moment- you don’t have to give advice. Thanks. I love your site!
I have a few pimples. They come and go. When I get a pimple and after the whole process of redness,scarring and “it being completely gone”…..another one comes again. It’s always been like this. Can’t a girl ever have pure beautiful skin even for once? Is life about being ugly? Sometimes we don’t mind other people having pimples or being fat…we still find them attractive and would date them however, for ourselves pimples/fat is a “no no” because we feel ugly or something else…well this is me! I want to be good for someone else but I don’t care if someone isn’t good for me, will still like/love them.
Hi Tracy! Your article is so much uplifting and it boosted up my confidence. But I really wanted to ask something. I have like a bump on my face which is red and Swollen its itchy and painful. What Is it? And how should I treat it? I use hot compresses and Toothpaste for now. And this is like the third or fourth time I’m getting this but after a long time. They appear on my left cheek only. Around each other. Is this a deep infection?cause I really doubt it.
Honestly, I’ve had acne since the middle of my junior year, but it got way worse my senior year, and now it’s just out of control. I think part of it is because of the birth control I had been using back when I had a boyfriend. When things ended badly, I got my birth control taken out. It’s been 6months now since I’ve had my birth control out, and it hasn’t cleared up completely. It sucks because I’m confident about every other aspect of my body, except my face. I feel so ugly. I fake confidence but I always wonder what someone is seeing when they look at me. I picture them being revolted by my ugly face and telling other people about the ugly person they saw. What’s even worse is now there’s a guy at work I like, but I’m too scared to even attempt to find out if he likes me, or thinks I’m pretty. I’ve caught him staring a couple times but I always wonder if it’s because he’s looking at my face and thinking, “gross. She’s obviously not very hygienic and doesn’t take care of herself.” Which isn’t true. I shower all the time, and I’ve used every acne medication in the book. I’m just sad because I hate having acne. No one seems to relate so I don’t even bother talking about it anymore. I just act like it doesn’t faze me, but it really does. I’m one of those people who does believe that a person is more than what they look like. It’s more about how they act. How they treat others, but I can’t help feeling upset about my face.
Hey Abbey, just letting you know you’re not alone. Acne is an awful thing to go through, but everyone here gets it. *E-hugs*
Thanks so much, Tracy!!! I usually don’t dwell on it too much, but yesterday I was just having one of those days where I kept wondering what it would be like to be one of the pretty girls. It’s just hard sometimes:)