You know what I love about The Love Vitamin?
My readers.
Because you guys and gals are just so dang brilliant, it amazes me. The comments you leave are so thoughtful and smart and straight up wonderful.
Every once in a while, I get a comment that I’m digging so much that I just have to make an entire post about it.
In this case, this comment came from a the article I posted a while ago about how to deal when someone makes a comment about your skin.
The commenter relayed that it hurts so damn much when someone says something about our skin because in one big anvil-crashing-from-the-sky-onto-your-heart-moment, it seems to validate what you’ve been thinking the whole time but you desperately hoped wan’t true: that everyone is noticing your skin.
The truth is that some people are going to notice your acne and some aren’t. Some people may actually judge you for it. Most people might see it for a second, think pretty much nothing of it, and then never give it a thought again.
In the end, you can’t change what they think, and really, the only thing that actually matters to your own happiness is what you think of yourself.
So think about this for a second… how much are you judging other people?
It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. We all do it to some degree (yes, even me!). But, really, think about it. We are told every day by media that we should look a very specific way, a way that is fabricated and totally unrealistic. That is usually what we are judging others against – this fake beauty ideal.
And when you judge others against this standard, it’s simply inevitable that you are going to then judge yourself against the same standard. When you pick apart all their flaws, it’s pretty much a given that you will then have to pick apart your own.
And that’s when you get chokeslammed by low self esteem and self loathing. And nobody likes that.
Here was her comment:
I’ve noticed it actually helps me not judge myself so harshly when I actively try not to judge the women around me. I noticed that my mind tends to size women up and judge them silently (maybe to bolster my own self-esteem, or because that’s how I imagine that I am judged, or a mix of both).
When I try to stop my mind in its tracks, I actually notice so much more about the woman around me rather than less. That there is such a rich, surprising beauty about all the different ways we are shaped, about the sound and cadence of our voices, the way our hair falls, the textures and colors of our skin, the expressions we make, and on and on.
All the narrow snap-judgment tends to fall away in the wake of all of this richness. And I find myself feeling okay with feeling more vulnerable. Women’s vulnerability has a kind of distinction. Our flaws make us unique and memorable in a sea of advertisements that hide all that distinction and call it beauty.
Looooove it.
So how do you stop judging others on their appearance?
- First thing’s first, you have to actually be aware of the judgment, which means you have to be aware of your thoughts. Meditation and mindfulness practices will help you with this if you don’t know how to do that yet.
- When you start to judge someone, catch yourself. Stop the thought in its tracks.
- Seek out something interesting or beautiful about the person. You can find something in everyone, I promise. Even yourself.
That’s pretty much all there is to it!
By the way, I’m sending love to all of you across the Love Vitamin universe right now.
Do you actively judge others for their appearance? Do you see a correlation between your judgment of others and judgment of yourself?
I couldn’t believe when I saw this headline because this is me, exactly. I was judging my schoolmates’ skin for a long time. Though I realized comparing was not good for me I couldn’t stop. However, I think it got better with a significant improvement of my skin. I know I won’t stop watching others but as you wrote – now I am able to see so many other beautiful things about each person, including me.
Thank you for perfect article! 🙂
Hi Marketa, I’m glad this article hit the spot for you! 🙂
This really hits home for me as well. I wrote a journal entry a couple months ago when I first started to make changes to clear my skin about how we need to redefine what beautiful really means. About how we are all so reliant on every physical feature we have to be perfect. When think about how creepy that would be if we all had the perfect everything!! Having differences is exactly what makes us beautiful. And yes even if we have acne! In my opinion anyways. She captured so perfectly all the contributing factors to what makes us beautiful and actually unique in her comment and i also Loove it!! The more we judge others the more we install our own insecurities because we believe that everyone is doing the same thing we are. And in the end, no one really does care that much because the only reason they are judging and comparing is because they are insecure in their own appearance. I think every one of us is beautiful and I love all my fellow ladies 🙂
It’s so true !! Life would be totally boring and ridiculous if we were all the exact same carbon copies of each other 🙂 Yet for some reason that’s what we all try to be! It is ndeed much better to appreciate everyone’s differences and appreciate our own as well!
Yes! This is all so true, and I know I do this and need to stop. I’d also like to relate an experience of sort of the opposite: envy (which I guess is also really judgement). I was staring at a friend’s skin recently when we were talking, being super jealous of how flawless it always is, when I noticed how she was looking at me. At first I thought she was checking out my outfit, but, based on conversations we’ve had in the past, I think she was being jealous of how thin I am. How messed up is that?!
It’s so hard to appreciate what we have sometimes when we’re so focused on what we hate about ourselves. We just imagine it must be all anyone else can see too.
Hi Claire,
Yep so true, so much of our beauty goes unappreciated because of this reason! It’s sad!
Hi Tracy,
This is a very insightful post! I can still remember (with, unfortunately, much clarity), the first time someone commented on my skin (an adult, no less!). She thought she was being helpful but I just ended up going home and crying. Definitely not a fun situation. But I agree that we all would benefit from less judgement in our lives.
I also hope you had an amazing time in India!
If it isn’t too much trouble, I would be thrilled if you could help me out.
I’ve been following your blog since last August, and in these past eight months, I’ve gotten rid of about 90% of my acne by following all of your helpful information. I eat a mostly vegan diet, exercise six days a week, use a natural and gentle skincare routine (wash with manuka honey and use manuka oil on my scars), get plenty of sleep, drink A LOT of water, and have eliminated a lot of chemical products from my life. I also take vitamin D, probiotics, liv-tox, and Estroblock triple strength. In January I got my hormones tested through the Delgado Protocol, and have since been taking supplements for my imbalances- Vitex, dessicated liver pills, B6, Estroblock cell stabilizer, and magnesium oil. I have also recently started oil pulling.
The reason why I’m writing you is because I’m so confused as to why my skin has remained at this 90%-clear-stage for about the past four months. I don’t really have acne anymore (like no actual pimples), but I still struggle with clogged pores and blackheads that never go away, no matter what I do it seems. My forehead is covered in them, as are parts of my cheek and sometimes my jawline. In the past (around September-October) I tried using the jojoba oil+EB method that you mentioned got rid of the clogged pores on your forehead, but after months of that and no results, I decided to ditch the jojoba oil but continue taking EB. Along with the tons of clogged pores, my skin’s texture and tone aren’t very good at all. It’s not smooth or even; it’s dark red and splotchy almost all the time. So while I don’t have the pimples that I used to, I feel like my skin still doesn’t look good! And it still causes me the same distress that it did back when it was severe eight months ago.
Anyways, do you have any idea what I should do? I feel like I’ve tried absolutely everything, and the fact that I’ve been at this for so long is especially frustrating. I keep waiting for the day when I’m fully clear but every month that passes brings more disappointment, confusion, and sadness. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Something I’m missing?
Thanks for your help, Tracy.
Hi Sarah, way to go on clearing your skin so much!! Woohoo! But I totally know how frustrating that last bit of acne can be, and it sounds like you’re doing everything right… so my suggestion is look into maybe trying topical antioxidants. I have a feeling it might just be the nail in the coffin: https://thelovevitamin.com/12499/topical-antioxidants-last-piece-acne-puzzle/
Thank you! I think I get so wrapped up in how far I feel like I have yet to go and consequently forget how far I’ve actually come…
I’ll be sure to give that a go. Thanks for the reply!
Great article, Tracy! Reminded me of a video of my favorite Youtuber – Vihart, don’t know if you know her, she makes funny videos about math.
Anyway, once she made a video about how to deal with insulting comments on youtube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IJyRAUxtAQ. And I just love one thing she says when she is talking about dealing with surface-level insults (starts in 2:50) – “What if people in real life think you’re annoying and you have a weird face an you never knew it? The truth is, people sometimes probably do. But they don’t say it because people in real life know that we see strangers differently than we see our friends, that the weirdness of your face is a temporary artifact of strangerhood and if they became your friends, you’d suddenly become charming.”
They way she just bluntly puts it is brilliant. And I try to think about it every time I judge strangers/people I don’t know well. There were many times when I initially thought a person looked weird and funny, just to realize it is the sweetest person ever when I got to know her better. And when I think about it, I really do think all my friends are beautiful, because…they are great people and I love them.
So now I try to concentrate more on being friendly and genuine rather than on physical perfection to charm people. Because I know I’m never gonna be perfect, there will always be people who will think I look plain. And that’s alright. 🙂
Ahaha! That’s funny and it’s so true! People always become so much more physically… “appealing”.. is that the right word? .. when you know them and like their personality. Personality can seriously move mountains. Good for you for realizing that! 😀
Hey Tracy this is completely off topic so sorry!! I’ve been buying liv-tox ever since you’ve recommended the supplement. I loved it!!!! I noticed you now recommended Thorne, but is it similar to liv-tox ??because I just got mine and it says take 2 to 3 daily. Are you taking Thorne and if so how many ??
PS … I loved liv-tox because it was one pill a day and it worked wonders
And I do remember you writing that it was no longer available
Hi Stephanie, yes it was hard to find a product that matched it exactly.. I know it says 2 to 3 but I think you can just take one, that’s what I plan to do. I don’t believe the quantity of herbs in a pill of Thorne is much less than there was in one pill of Liv-tox, unless I’m wrong about that! At least that’s what I thought when I researched it. Are the Thorne pills the same size as Liv-tox or are they smaller? I haven’t actually tried the Thorne yet because I haven’t run out of my supply of Liv-tox yet, but everyone was asking me for a replacement recommendation and so I’m hoping Thorne does work just as well on one per day. It’s supposed to be a very good quality brand.
Yes Actually the pills look the same as liv -tox in color and in size but they seem to have less ingredients then liv-tox ,I think hahahaha unless I’m reading the label wrong 😉 well I’m giving them a try and since they’re good Quality I’m sure they should work. So I’m gonna stick to one pill a day and see how it goes . Thank you Tracy!!!!!
haha well it does have fewer ingredients, but there’s more of the ingredients that it does have… to equal it out. I think. Hopefully it’s all good, let me know how it goes!