Hopefully you found the time to take a gander through my soul baring article I posted two days ago about my new life in Australia with my boyfriend’s parents, my subsequent loss of control over my eating habits, and my mini freak outs. If not, I suggest you read it here.
The theme of that article was that I came to realize how much I control my food in order to control my skin. There’s nothing wrong with not liking acne and there’s certainly nothing wrong with healthy eating – but the truth is that I can tell now that I’m not really doing it to control my acne, I’m doing it to keep a handle on my FEAR of the pain that bad acne causes me.
If I can control, then the pain cannot control me.
The fact is though – trying to control things that either a) cannot be controlled or b) are in the realm of someone else’s business is what causes serious anxiety.
We spend a lot of our time swimming upstream against reality. We constantly fight what is.
For most of us acne sufferers, reality is that our skin is not in an ideal state, and we hate that reality. We can’t stand that reality. It makes us feel desperate and sad. It makes us feel out of control.
Being out of control is horrendously difficult. It feels very scary and in order to feel okay, we tend to choose something within our reach that can be controlled.
For me, that is my food and this is common amongst acne sufferers. For those of us with acne who are not taking the holistic approach, our control is often exerted through the use of products and medications. For people without skin problems, they may choose to control other people, their routines, or even their response to the weather.
But it rarely works the way we want and that leaves us reeling. Even if things do go according to our plans, we’re still left with that anxiety and fear about what could possibly happen to us if we lose our steel grip – if we cannot eat according to plan, or if we cannot wash our faces and apply our medications in the usual way.
So how do you just let go?
First of all – I want to address this fairly obvious objection that is probably cropping up in your mind right now – is there a difference between letting go and giving up? Are you asking me to stop trying to get rid of my acne?
No, I’m asking you to try to:
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Accept How Things Are
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Control What You Can
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Let Go of The Rest
For me, this means accepting that I may not have complete control anymore, and that even if it results in a bit more acne, then that is how it is. It won’t be forever.
The second part is eating relatively healthy because I want to (which has nothing to do with being fearful), but not having a perfect, strict diet (which IS based in fear). In other words, eat a healthy breakfast and lunch – because I can. I am also making a point to get lots of physical activity in to offset any dietary discrepancies.
The third part is choosing not to be anxious about what we’re eating for dinner with my boyfriend’s parents, because I can’t control that. I mean, I guess technically I could muscle in and take control, but I don’t think I should do that – I feel it’s unnecessary and that that would just be me giving into my fear.
Okay… is it really a choice though? Can you just turn the anxiety off?
Well here is something I was thinking about the other day…. why are so many people religious and have a close relationship with God? I’ve never been a religious person, and can’t say I ever really “got” it.
But I had a bit of an epiphany the other day when I realized that this is how people just let go of their worries that are beyond their control. It feels good to leave them with a higher power to deal with…. to sort them out for you, and to feel faith that whatever happens, it’s all going to be okay because whatever is out there has got your back.
Whether any higher power – God, the Universe, Gaia, Spirit – is objectively a “real” thing is not really important – it’s more the spiritual connection that can help you to transcend your anxiety that is.
Personally, I am not about to go to church or join an organized religion because that doesn’t resonate with me. I’m more of the ‘new agey’ type, so I prefer the Universe.
You have to find whatever works for you.
Whatever it is, you have to believe that this higher power is a friendly one. There is no point putting your faith into a negative and volatile entity – you must learn to have faith that this power is on your side.
In fact, I tried this the other day in a real life situation and it definitely helped.
You see, about a week before I was to catch my plane down to Australia, my passport somehow ended up in a pool of water on our kitchen table.
However, when my boyfriend, Luke, found the passport in the water, he freaked out considering there was no time before our flight to get a new one. He called Passport Canada and they told him that any damage at all and the passport was unusable.
However, I didn’t think it was that bad – there was a bit of smeared pen, but you could still see all the important stuff. Would they really turn me away because of this? Don’t they have bigger fish to fry?
So it was all well and good, but when I was actually standing in line at the airport, of course my anxiety began to bubble up.
What IF they said something about it? What IF they actually turned me away?
But then I thought – you know what – that hasn’t happened yet. It’s likely nothing will happen, and if it does, worry about it afterwards. I then decided to give my worries to the Universe. I can’t control the outcome – let the Universe do it. I asked it to take my anxiety and give me a positive outcome.
I immediately felt better. And hey, I made it through – no one even mentioned the passport. But even if they had – would it really be the end of the world? Would it be something I couldn’t recover from? No. It would suck, but life would go on.
Okay that’s it. Do you have a special way of letting go, or surrendering your control?
Hi Tracy,
I’m going to PARIS today!!!! It does mean I will loose complete control over my diet and eat like everyone else. I am actually looking forward to it because at the moment my skin looks pretty good cos I’ve been eating so well and feel happier genrally. I’m just gonna have fun and not even think about crappy stuff like whats going on with my face XD I think this trip will actually test and force me to let go!
I have to say this resonated with me a lot. I’m 30 and am going through yet another serious round of Cystic acne trying to come off of Benzoyl Peroxide. It’s embarrassing, it hurts, and this round has been bigger and meaner than its ever been. I’ve been following you and Fran to get to the root of it and am actually having pretty good success, however, it’s been slow and tedious. Now that I think I’ve finally found the cause (which is dietary) I’m actually seeing progress (which is AWESOME) but my previously weird/picky/whatever food behaviors have turned into some serious anxiety when I can’t eat at home. I haven’t avoided any social gatherings or anything yet but when I did I got kind of sick (I’m having some detox) and think the fear of that happening again could make it worse. And I’ve been figuring out the whole spiritual aspect too but have yet to put this to it (Still figuring out how important the emotional connection is to my skin condition and what that really means). So BIG thanks for writing this and for your blog. It helps a lot to have an ally out there!
This post is spectacular. The beauty of it is the fact that your advice is applicable not only to dealing with skin issues, but many of life’s challenges, such as work stress and the like. Your example was a great one. You accepted that your passport was slightly damaged and you didn’t let that stop you from packing your bags and preparing to depart. Even though you felt some fear creep up while you were at the airport, you made the conscious decision to let go, and the outcome was favorable for you. Great advice. Thank you for writing this at a time when I truly needed a reminder to “accept, do your best, and let go.” You’re awesome!
Hey Tracy!
This post was super helpful, thank you so much for posting! 🙂
I have a question, but am not so sure if it’s relevant, perhaps you could do a post on it?
Over the years, due to acne, and due to other emotional problems, I have acquired a fear of public speaking; a really, really intense fear. I have no trouble comprehending, or learning, or remembering, but being able to trigger words and thoughts and turn them into coherent phrases…that’s where I go all wrong. I also don’t have any trouble writing, just speaking.
I suppose this may have to do with control or self esteem. I’m not so sure, but any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks again Tracy!
i don’t have any special strategy to share on this.. i just wanted to say this article is one of the reasons your blog has become, for me, a haven of comfort and hope 🙂
Wow, I never really thought of it that way. But that totally makes sense. I’ll try doing this, I mean, I have plenty of times throughout the day to try. I hope this is helpful for my stress because I think that might be the major issue that’s causing my acne right now.
Also,I was just wondering, do you have any advice for “digging up” problems that can lie dormant for a while? For example, I have an issue with my dad, and it’s apparent but we tend to ignore it. But something brought it up all of a sudden and I felt terrible and that for the issue to be solved lies with my dad. Consequently, I’m feeling trapped and out of control. Any advice?
Hey Tracy!
I love this post! and i can relate to it very much 🙂
I’m reading a book about this very same thing! The author is dr. wayne dyer and this books are awesome. some titles are The Power of Intention and Excuses Begone. So for the people who would want to know more about it, you should really read his books!
“I’m more of the ‘new agey’ type, so I prefer the Universe.”
Have you been reading Mike Dooley’s stuff?! He talks as the Universe and its beautiful. I believe in evolution but I am all for spirituality. It can help A LOT of people get through life – including you and I and everyone else reading this!
When you believe everything ok, that the “universe” will take care of it then you drop the worry. You begin to live in the moment which is so incredible. Why worry about something that hasn’t happened and probably won’t happen?
Their will be an earthquake someday around Hawaii and something crazy will happen. However, no one has any idea when that will be. Thus, I don’t worry about it! I’ll live in Hawaii when I want to. I’ll live anywhere when I want too!
Hey everyone! Thanks for everyone’s kind words about this post….. a tree fell on the phone line and I won’t have internet for the next three days, so I can’t respond individually…… but I love you all 🙂
Hey Tracy, I love your blog and I just wanted to say that your on the right track! Jesus loves you and if you hear Him knocking don’t ignore Him. You don’t have to go to church or become a “religous” person just know that God loved you so much that He gave His own Son to die on the cross to pay for your (our) sin debt. Just Believe and He will help you through anything!! Trust the Creator of the Universe! Lots of love -Paula <3
Hello Tracy! Thanks for keeping this amazing blog. As I type I am smeared with your special honey/jojoba/tea tree concoction. Doesn’t Manuka honey come from down under? New Zealand, right? Should be easy to find and cheaper there too. And jojoba and tea tree being such common health food store items I hope you can get your hands on all your familiar supplies soon.
That being said, of course I have far deeper issues of self-esteem to work on. I think you’re right on the money about the emotional connections at work here.
Have fun!
Hi Rebecca… yes I did finally manage to get my hands on some good skincare stuff and that is giving me some kind of comfort :/ I’ve also made a concerted effort to stop freaking out, and my skin is much calmer than it was a few days ago!
I really need to get this self esteem/control stuff figured out though!
I have just found this blog and it has been life changing. This article is the epitome of how anxiety and stress can be a crutch to clear skin and a happy balanced life. Thank you Tracy for your faith, sharing your knowledge and encouraging words of hope.
Welcome to the blog Abigail! 🙂
How did the passport situation end up? Did it work out?
No one said anything about it 🙂
I was wondering what your beliefs were since health and spirituality are so closely connected. A lot of your research sounds like the Word of Wisdom–a set of guidelines for healthy living written in 1833 for the LDS Church. Some think it means we can’t drink coffee or tea (doesn’t include herbal), but it’s more than that, and when it’s really put into practice, the benefits are obvious (clear skin being one of them). It makes me wonder why anyone would say diet doesn’t have an effect on acne. I saw your blog/ rant on doctors, and I feel the same way; I’m sure their intentions are good but nothing beats good, old-fashioned natural foods and stress-relieving exercise and meditation. Thanks for sharing your experiences and knowledge with the rest of us. It’s motivated me to recommit to healthier living. Thanks again!
Hi Colleen,
I don’t follow any set body of health and spirituality. I suppose you could say I follow ‘new age’ spirituality and buddhist ideas, combined with guidelines from Weston A Price and Loren Cordain for my general health philosophy. But I just make it up as I go along!
Lots of love xo