This is a guest post by Samantha Lahonen, a registered holistic nutritionist who blogs over at TheCoffeeandWine.com
Here is my acne story; the first time I am sharing it with the world – it’s scary but exciting! My hope is that after hearing my story at least one person will come to transform their life as I have mine.
At the budding age of 15 my body decided it had something to teach me, so it decorated my face with a bout of acne that would pursue for the next five years.
As a health nut, naturally I spent the first four of those years trying every holistic skin remedy I could get my hands on.
I switched to a vegan diet, bought an aloe vera plant, took supplements, read books on health, meditated, exercised, attended the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition to become an RHN… until I lived and breathed the mantra “clear my acne.”
I spent those first four years hiding my face behind makeup, ashamed. I felt like showing my real skin was somehow offensive and that I would be unworthy of my friends and my boyfriend if they could see who I really was.
Of course, it was still noticeable and they could see it – this I came to realize when one day a “friend” stated in front of everyone that she couldn’t be vegan like I was because I had acne. Mortified, I left school early and went home and cried.
Those first four years I rejected who I was. I spent every single day frustrated, wondering “why me?” and “why was nothing working?” My skin would get better, and then it would get worse, then better, then worse again.
I moved to harsher methods –Proactiv- which only slightly helped so I ended up giving up on that.
I rejected myself to such a point that for about 6 months I spent every night before bed wishing my life away. As if a life with acne was not a life at all.
Changing Course; Learning Acceptance
This past year, the fifth year, I took a different approach. I decided to learn about self love and acceptance.
There is a difference between being healthy (eating well, proper sleep, exercise), and well-being (physical, mental, spiritual, psychological, social balance). Being obsessed with being healthy was not working to clear my skin so I started becoming more aware of my thoughts and how I would let them run on.
My acne had caused me to develop anxiety so I often found myself sitting in my room thinking, “That person ignored me today… They don’t like me… That other person doesn’t like me either…No one likes me… I don’t fit in anywhere…” and this would run on until I felt like a turtle that never wanted to leave its shell – until one day I stopped dead in my tracks.
I realized that I had let one thought turn into countless other thoughts that only made me feel worse and weren’t even actually true. What have I been doing for the past 4 years? So that day I sat on my bed and instead of running my negative thought pattern like usual, I just laughed.
You see, if you become more aware of your thoughts you take back the power you had given away and become able to change negativity into positivity, creativity, and productivity.
As simple an affirmation as, “I love and accept myself” has the ability to alter the way your brain thinks over time. You don’t even have to believe it at first, just repeat it over and over.
The more you focus on loving yourself, the more you will see that there is to love. You will come to love all that you are, therefore accepting all that you are.
Embracing My Authentic Self
I also worked on releasing the need for my acne. I realized that I always hid myself and acne was an excuse to not put my authentic self out to the world, for fear of rejection.
What I’ve also come to realize is that your end goal can’t be changing yourself; therefore it can’t be getting rid of your acne. The goal has to be love and acceptance for yourself in the face of judgment not only from others but from your own self judgment.
When you start to care more about accepting and being yourself than being “perfect,” change begins. So when your mind presents you with the thought, “I’m not worthy,” recognize it, let it go, and then remind yourself, “no, you know what, I am awesome and beautiful and special and I am worthy!”
When you feel down or find yourself falling into an old negative thought pattern that is the pivotal moment to express love for yourself. “I’m perfect as I am.”
Putting your true self out there is scary, but there is no greater gift than the freedom that comes with self love and self acceptance. There will be bad days, but then there will be you; rising up, dusting yourself off, stronger than ever and ready to conquer anything!
Beautiful thoughts make a beautiful life.
Thank you for reading. 🙂
Samantha is a cat loving Registered Holistic Nutritionist currently studying Kinesiology and a Psychology minor at the University of Toronto. She is passionate about reading, writing, photography and frolicking in nature.
A wellness nut and aspiring life coach, Samantha has a blog dedicated to helping others enhance their own well-being and flourish with self-love. Check out her blog at TheCoffeeandWine.com and find her on YouTube @ Samantha Lahonen.
Eleanor says
June 4, 2014 at 2:40 pmThank you for this article, it’s come just at the right time for me I think. For the last 18 months I’ve been obsessively eating perfectly, following strict all natural skin care routeins and taking whatever my herbalist/homeopath suggested. I’ve completely given up dairy, sugar, gluten…and while my acne is a billion times better, it is still there and I now only have a year till I get married…my ‘clear’ goal. Thing is, it’s still there and all the stuff I’ve been doing to get rid of it doesn’t always make me very happy! Like when I want a glass if wine with friends or feel I can’t eat the pudding/soup/whatever my parents have bought when I go round for dinner because it’s processed. So I’ve been feeling that it’s the way I’m thinking that needs to change…and weirdly I’ve noticed a definite link between my skin getting bad and my way of thinking changing in the past; when I finished my degree and left uni I stopped making art entirely and that’s when my skin got bad. So yeah…I’m going to start working on it! Thank you again for your wonderfully supportive little bit of the internet Tracy! Eleanor xxx
Samantha Lahonen says
June 5, 2014 at 3:33 pmIt’s great that you’ve noticed a connection between your way of thinking and the clarity of your skin. I’m happy to hear that you’re going to start working on it! Stick with it and you will see change, and of course remember you are worthy and deserving of love for yourself from yourself. All the best with your wedding.
Savannah says
June 4, 2014 at 3:28 pmI love this post. It is so wise and is such valuable advice. Words to live by. Thank you!!
Samantha Lahonen says
June 4, 2014 at 4:21 pmThank you Savannah! I really appreciate that. I’m so glad you found it helpful.
Tracy Raftl says
June 4, 2014 at 5:13 pmI love it too, I’m so happy Samantha wanted to share it with us 🙂
Tiina says
June 4, 2014 at 11:35 pmThanks a lot for this post. It made me feel a lot better and somehow so free.
It’s really easy to loose yourself but I need to learn to live for myself and not just hide from life, because I’m becoming a very bitter and mean person and that’s not how I want to live and give to the world. I would love to feel worthy and like I would matter, but I avoid facing myself by being on computer and indulging myself to other forms of escapism instead of doing something about it like creating something. I believe many other people have similar problems at this time and it is a truly sad way to live your life. You loose the touch of real world because you only adapt to live in your little box, and nothing feels real when you go out anymore. You’re just locked in your head.
I want to learn to actually live because a persons value is measured with his/hers actions and not by looks.
Samantha Lahonen says
June 5, 2014 at 3:28 pmI’m glad you feel a bit better! I agree that it can be easy to lose yourself. It’s great that you want to start feeling worthy and living your life, be proud that you’ve taken the first step.
Sally K. says
June 5, 2014 at 3:56 pmThe vegan, or in my case, ovo-lacto vegetarian diet can help with skin oriblems, but you are right that so much lies in our attitudes towards ourself. I am going to try the affirmation you suggested. Thanks!
Samantha Lahonen says
June 6, 2014 at 5:59 pmHi Sally! Yes you are right, and I’m glad you are going to try the affirmation – best of luck! Stick it with and you surely will flourish.
diane Leger says
June 6, 2014 at 12:38 pmi love this comment.
I have been doing positive affirmations for a few months now and i find it is slowly changing my life for the better.
At first i started to do them impatiently. ( like, yeah yeah, i love myslf, i love myself… now get rid of this awful acne, you stupid subconsious mind!)
But this started me on a journey of self reflection and growth, which still amazes me.
This whole acne thing made me realise i sometimes dont like myself very much. When my skin was clear, i never really thought about it. But this new bout of acne has opened my eyes.
I thought i didn’t like myself because of the acne ( obviously) . But lately, i get really good weeks where my skin is almost clear. Some days i feel great about it. But somedays i’m still not satisfied with the progress and feel very negative. ( no pimples ? well…I can still focus on all the whiteheads that wont go away).
Lately i came to realize, there’s always going to be something wrong. I’ll never be perfect enough to please my critical mind.
Even when i was 100% clear during the last years, i was still putting myself down. “sure your skin is ok, but you gotta do something about your hair.”
My whole life is about a check list about my physical appearance. Skin. check. Hair. check. Weight. Check. Nice clothes. check.
If i cant put the checkmark, ( like for my skin right now) then i think i have to devote myself to improve it until i can move to the next thing.
I’m never going to be perfect enough… I give up. Instead of trying to fix every “flaw” , i am now interested in fixing my way of thinking.
If i could truely love and accept myself, no matter how i look, i think i would be a much happier person.
It’s also annoying and not helpful when society tells you that your “NATURAL” self is total crap, but you could be SOOOO much better if only you put more effort (and of course money) into it.
I dont think this message is going to change anytime soon. But i can choose to stop listening to it, and try to find my little authentic self again.
Samantha Lahonen says
June 6, 2014 at 5:55 pmHi Diane! I used to feel just like you do. I too started with the affirmations impatiently, I chuckled at the comment “like, yeah yeah, i love myslf, i love myself… now get rid of this awful acne, you stupid subconsious mind!” because it can be so true! I’m glad that you are trying to change your way of thinking about yourself rather than changing yourself. I agree that it is hard in this society with images of “perfect” women photoshopped with flawless skin, shiny hair and thin bodies. I wish you all the best with getting back to your authentic self, you go girl! If you ever need help with that, my e-mail is sam@thecoffeeandwine.com, don’t hesitate to contact me.
Meagan says
June 9, 2014 at 9:34 pmThis was a great post! This year I recently decided to live a healthier lifestyle and change my diet and natural remedies for skin care. It helped a lot and cleared my skin up for the most part and the past 2 months I have been so stressed out so I have broke out terribly on my chin.
I at first thought okay well it is just because im stressed out but now I have been trying to do more yoga and relaxation things.
But still no luck with my acne. I cant even look at myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. I avoid looking up in the mirror when I was my hands or even put on makeup (I go in a darker room) just because I criticize my face so much.
I think the main reason why it hasn’t cleared up is because i don’t practice self-love.
I really am going to try looking in the mirror more and point out the things i love about myself.
Thanks again!! hope it helps!
Samantha Lahonen says
June 11, 2014 at 5:10 pmHey Meagan! Thank you. I’m so glad to hear that you are going to try pointing out things that you love about yourself. I hope that helps your skin and you just might notice changes in your life as well. Good luck! 🙂
Farrukh says
June 24, 2014 at 4:09 amHello everyone who are reading this post! Maybe it is not smt that is great to share with others but all i want to say is short. I also had acne( I even hate to write this word while it just reminds me the days that I somehow hated myself) as many of you did, I also had the days that is spent looking into a mirror and saying :Oooh, what kind of face is it,, why I have this face..! However, dear friends, this acne also taught me a number of great things as none of other great experiences in life can teach.Firstly, I learnt how to treat myself when I have such bad or unseccessful days, whenever I fail, I try to remember the people who are blind or deaf, who has even no hands or legs but, despiter all these, I can say that they are also people like us and they do not spend their day all crying, they try to live, they want to live despite they are blind, so how can we have the right to cry just for a period acnes, It is time to live in THE REAL LIFE, just take your face from the mirror and forget about your face, JUST TRY TO ACHIEVE FOR THAT GOAL THAT IS HIDDEN BEHIND YOUR HEART. Sometimes, I remember my teenager days that was expended for hating acnes and regret for those moments that I hated even myself for those tiny than tiny points in my face! There is one way to success in life: Never hate yourself, For what you have now, there is an exam behind it!!!!!
Samantha Lahonen says
June 24, 2014 at 4:31 pmHey Farrukh, it’s great that you have learned so much about yourself in the process. Acne definitely has something to teach those who it affects. You are right that there are people who have it much worse, however acne too can be quite debilitating for many people. I hope that anyone struggling can do as you have and learn to not hate themselves for their acne but love themselves for all that they are. Thank you for your input!
Jess says
March 18, 2016 at 7:02 amThankyou for your post. Somehow it was exactly what I needed to hear. Freeing! I just realized how many restrictions I have been putting on myself lately and also that I’ve hardly been drawing. I haven’t been able to express myself at all due to social anxiety and just general shit going on but this post has really helped me.
I have never commented on any article, ever!