So.. I moved again.
We had been living with my boyfriend, Luke’s, parents so that we could save money, but while I was there, I was getting all anxious about living with others and losing some control over my food and surroundings. Then the stress began to break me out. You can read all about it in this article I wrote the other day.
But then, Luke’s friend got him a job in a nearby town and offered to let us live with him. So off we went, and now I’m in the process of getting settled into my new home… again. However, even though I’m back to being “in charge” of my food, now I’m finding that some of the anxiety has simply followed me and all I’m doing is getting uptight about new and different things.
Watch my video to find out my thoughts:
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3qJAvJvl2g
I realized in the process of making this video that the whole “loss of control” thing that I had written about in this article was all an illusion. The truth is simply that I am blaming everyone and everything else for the things I get annoyed and uptight and upset about and that is the source of my unhappiness.
The truth is – we create our own reality. No – I don’t mean that we always create the things and the situations and people that may come along in life, but what we always create is the way we react to them. And our reactions are what actually make up our experiences of life.
Yes, change can be tough, and yes, some things can be annoying and difficult, but I don’t have to let it upset me. If I do, then it’s no one’s fault but mine. Yet it’s so much easier to blame external circumstance for my problems.
“If only they would ____, then I would be happy” … “If only ____ wasn’t this way, then I would be happier” …. “If only I could ___, then I would be happy” … “If only my skin was clear, then I would be everything I want to be”
Unfortunately, this is what causes the scary “loss of control” feeling. If someone or something else is responsible for my happiness, then I have no control over my life.
If I choose to be in charge of my own happiness by taking responsibility for my reactions, then things are going to be okay no matter what situation I’m thrown into!
And that’s pretty liberating.
Please apply this little lesson to your skin – remember that it is not your acne that is making you unhappy – it’s your reaction. Let’s work on taking the power back from our acne and other difficult situations and cultivate the power from within to change our own lives for the better.
17 Responses
Hi Tracy, I just wanted to say thank you for posting so many great video’s and articles, they are all articulated wonderfully and leave a lot of food for thought. Certainly for me anyways! I’m 19, living in Canada, and I’ve been on a big journey towards balance and self acceptance. Though I’ve come a long way, I still harvest a lot of fear and anxiety about the state of my skin, what will cause a mild breakout and how I can avoid it. My skin care routines are incredibly regimented, and my eating habits are built around the fear of “trigger” foods. We all have sensitivities but I seem to mold mine into what I feel would be skin suicides. Well, I’ve desperately felt compelled to Wwoof (organic farming) accross Canada, but doing that means really letting go of control over my skin routines and my eating habits, I’m petrified of that, but even more scared of living in that state of fear only. How would you feel about doing something like that and having to let go to such an extent? And how do would you advise someone in this situation. Jeeze, I should have just made a blog post, haha, sorry for rambling on. Thanks for all the love and inspiration! Take care.
Hi Melanie!
I understand your feelings completely…. the incessant anxiety. If we aren’t keeping ourselves from our dreams due to acne, then we are keeping ourselves from our dreams due to the fear of acne. It’s a harsh cycle and I have felt the exact same as you…. I love to travel. I love to feel free and unrestricted. I’d love to go Wwoofing too.
But I’ve had this lingering fear because the travel that I used to love so much would now bring me out of my safe skin zone…. this wasn’t a problem I used to have before my skin got so bad.
To be honest, I’m not sure what advice to give since I’m obviously still working through this exact same problem myself….. my realization that so much of it has to do with blame felt pretty astounding though. I know the only real answer is to just do it and be the best you can be within your means and stop blaming your acne, your situation, and anything else for your unhappiness. Happiness only comes from us, from inside. I just saw first hand that the stress and fear is much more potent to bringing forth acne than the lack of food/health routines/whatever.
It’s so hard because I in no way want to encourage people to trade one prison for another – acne for a strict and unfulfilling life. That was never my intention for this website, or for myself. But I know there is a balance out there and I’m not at it yet… but I’m working my way towards it one day at a time. I know if you follow your heart that one day you will find it too Melanie.
This video couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m about to go on vacation for a week and I have little to no control over what’s bound to happen. Just gotta go with the flow and have the best time possible.
Yes! Please do not have a bad vacation because you are worrying so much about the things you can’t control…. have fun….. nothing makes me more sad to know that acne or a fear of it is holding us all back in life. We all can have clear skin, a healthy body, and fulfilled dreams too!
I remember when I had all the little worries you had. In fact, it wasn’t until February of this year when I got rid of them. At that point I had less security.
It’s taken some time but I am now worry free 99% of the time. Worries creep up and then as soon as I get away from technology and just spend a few moments outside, they go away. They completely evaporate.
Keep on going Tracy. Being honest with yourself and the world is incredibly HUGE. You seem to be on almost the exact same path that I took at your age. It’s amazing to watch.
You are 22, correct? If I remember correctly, I am about a year older than you. Maybe a year younger.
I think we should start that podcast soon… at least discuss it. I’ll send you an email to show I am serious 🙂
I think your readers would love it and I know mine would too.
I’m happy to hear that you moved past the fear and anxiety Todd and came out happy as can be…. I know I’m getting there, but I’m working my way through it one day at a time!
And it’s funny that you say when you transcended to being worry free was when you had less security than usual. Damn life is a complicated paradox!!! But I know it’s us who make it so complicated.
Hey Tracy! Great video topic! I too read a lot of self help because I find learning about myself and others really fascinating. I think deciding to move in with your BF’s friend was not an act of running away from anything. It helped you to realize that you always have the choice to do what ever you want, regardless of your surrounds. Usually when you have an issue it will surface again and again in other ways, so you will always be working through it! 🙂 I had/have the same problem, when I first started living with others during university I felt like I could not do all of the things I wanted to do. After being miserable I realized if I had better boundaries or even set boundaries (like tell people what I need and do not like), then I could just be myself without worrying about what others might think. It sounds really easy and silly, but it took me a while to live it. I look forward to your next video!
Hey Beaubits… You’re definitely right that I shouldn’t feel bad about moving in with the friend instead… I think it was the right choice! I definitely prefer it just because of an independence thing… but yeah – exactly, what I meant was that it just didn’t solve the problem, the problem just carries on, manifesting in new ways! But I’m always learning! And yes… great tips about being clear about boundaries… I do need to get better about communicating my boundaries to some people!
hey tracey, you are a true inspiration to all of us and we love you for showing us strength and tips how to deal with everyday life! 🙂
Thank you so much Rosie! 😀
Hey Tracey,
Thanks so much for all of your suggestions. I’ve been using your Manuka honey routine and LOVE it!! I also just recently picked up the Clarisonic Mia facial scrubber(?). Have you had a chance to try it? It has been working WONDERS for my skin. My acne is almost completely gone now. I think it’s been a combination of the manuka honey, eating better (even though I at pretty well before), psyllium husk, probiotics, plant enzymes and the Clarisonic Mia just pushed everything over the edge. I bought mine at Sephora because they have a money-back guarentee. I don’t know if they have any Sephora’s in Australia. Just thought I’d let you and other’s know about my recent acne fighting success!!!
Good luck! 🙂
-Carli
Hi Carli! That’s so awesome to hear that your acne is pretty much gone!! Way to go!
I haven’t actually tried the clarisonic or know all that much about it… I’ve always just kind of not bothered because it sounded like something quite irritating. And I’m sure it is for some people’s skin, but I’ve heard it’s great for others! Glad to hear you’ve had success with it 🙂
Peace
Tracy
Hi Carla! What’s your psylium husk routine?! Sounds great
Hey Tracy!
So I actually just recently came across your blog (I stumbled upon a comment you left on highonhealth where I also recently became a member) and I’ve watched a few of your videos, I’m about to start reading your eBook, and man I just have to say, I’m really diggin it. Your advice and videos and articles are all so helpful and inspirational and genuine. What your doing, and how your reaching out to people is truly a beautiful thing, I respect that! I look forward to reading your book and continuing to grow and learn more from your site, thank you Tracy.
-Love and Light
Tracy!
Hope you’re used to the new place. Do you like it? It’s so funny because I’m going through the same stuff. I seriously can not find a good blender for cheap… & I’m also moving. I’m worried because it’s the first time I’m moving in with my boyfriend. Any suggestions to not go crazy? I’m worried about his friends being around all the time and use getting sick of each other.. What you said about thinking about your own reaction as the blame for being unhappy is totally something I need to think about. I can get so pissy sometimes haha Anyway I love your blog just found it today and I’ve seen like 10 videos and read so many articles. 🙂
-Ashley
Hi Ashley!
Yes, this video was from 6 months ago… I had a hard time settling in there, but then I just got used to it. I never really liked it, because it wasn’t my space, but I realize now big changes are kind of disturbing me more than they used to, and that’s all it was. I’ve learned not to worry because eventually you do just get used to whatever is happening. So my advise about moving in with your boyfriend is not to worry too much… there probably will be some storming in the beginning as you get used to each other’s little habits and how things are, but things will normalize. And yes, keeping in mind our own reactions and not blaming him or others is a definite must.
Hi Tracy, 🙂
Wow. Your videos are so powerful! I’m totally a control freak and it really sucks the life out of…my life. 😛 Seriously, it’s exhausting, it doesn’t change anything, and as a result I push people and positive experiences out of my life. Thanks for being so raw and real and sharing your wisdom and experience…and for having the courage to shoot a video when anyone could walk by at any moment (I would have been anxious about that, too.) I realize this video is kinda old…I hope things worked out really well for you in your situation?
Much love,
Rachel