Do you blame acne for all your anxiety, depression, and unhappiness? If so… read on…
Last post, I rambled off a bunch of my current worries and anxieties, and during this process, I realized that my problem is all to do with the fact that if I feel upset or anxious, I like to blame everyone and everything else for my misery!
If you haven’t read that post, go back and read it here.
Here are some of my current blames:
“I know I stayed up late playing Rock Band with my new roommates because I thought it was ridiculously fun and couldn’t stop, but now I’m tired and unproductive and it sucks. Stupid video games + new living situation ruining my day.”
“I know my skin isn’t the best ever right now, and perhaps it wouldn’t be this way if I could buy ___ or ___ or do ___ or ___ … but I don’t know where to get it in my new town. Damn being poor… and stupid Australia being expensive and not easy to ship to… and blah blah blah…..!”
“Cooking dinner is such a pain sometimes. If only I still had my sharp knife I had at home… then it would be easier and I wouldn’t mind it. Stupid dull knives. Stupid being poor and not being able to afford another good one”
“We have a nice quiet house here, but it’s really dark inside for making videos, and there’s lots of nice plants and a patio outside, but people who live in the building walk by every once in a while and I can’t handle that. Stupid not private patio and dark house”
I know these are minor complaints, but … exactly. I need to get over it and choose happiness instead! None of these things are anyone’s fault but my own. And this whole lesson definitely carries over to more serious problems too, including our skin.
So here I am to give solutions to how we can all stop this incessant blame game that we’re playing and take responsibility for our own happiness. If we don’t take responsibility for it, then we are powerless! We are the mercy of waiting for annoying and unpleasant things to leave our lives so that we can be free…. but that probably won’t ever happen. There’s always going to be some kind of pain in the ass that we have to deal with.
Waiting for happiness to occur under very specific circumstances is fruitless.
Here’s how to stop… and since most of us are dealing with the particular problem of acne, and I’m willing to be that most of us are blaming our misery on it, I will use that in the examples. However you can apply these to any problems in your life :
- Think – Is There a Lesson to be Learned Here?I know acne is horrible and it has a lot to answer to as far as making us miserable goes, but can you accept that in having acne and been given this challenge to overcome it that there may be important and life changing lessons to be learned in the process? And that that may be a good thing?
- Look at the Issue from a Third Party Perspective.Now, I’m not saying that instead of blaming other things that you need to place guilt bashing blame on yourself. But you do need to accept that you may have had a role in creating the problem. You may blame society or your doctor or your parents for not teaching you that an unhealthy lifestyle would possibly create an acne problem, but you were the one who led your life.There’s no point bashing yourself because you probably didn’t know any better, but you do need to accept that you created the mess. This will give you power knowing that if you created it, you can reverse it. If “they” are responsible, then your destiny lies with them, and I don’t see them getting rid of your acne very quickly.
- Let Go of your Attachment to the Way Acne Makes You Feel.Blaming acne for our misery is super easy to do, because if acne did this to us, then we are a victim. We deserve sympathy. We can stay small and hidden and in our safe zones and never have to do anything scary or difficult that we don’t want to do (We can’t! We have acne! It’s acne’s fault!). The more we emotionally invest in a problem, the more it sinks its teeth into us. This is a tough step – feeling bitter and resentful is a lot easier than letting it go, but if we don’t then we can’t move forward.
- Look at the Positives. If there Aren’t Any, Look at the Positives in the Rest of Your Life.For me, acne has taught me SO much, it’s ridiculous. I have learned so many lessons, grown so much as a person, learned how to live and eat healthfully which will benefit me for the rest of my life. Plus now I have this amazing blog about it which I feel has given me way more focused purpose than anything else I’ve ever done.And as for my current gripes – I would like to say that the great things about living here in my new location is that I have independence to eat and do whatever I want, we have Rock Band which is super fun, and even though my new roommate likes to stay up late, him and his girlfriend are so fun and awesome, it makes me happy :)Also, even though I don’t have a good knife, we have a dishwasher which at least makes my chores easier! And even though there isn’t much privacy here to make videos, there is a quiet park nearby… and there is a fitness centre literally 10 seconds walk away from the house so it will be easy to stay fit while living here! And the beach is close by and I’m in Australia! IT’S WARM HERE! Woohoo!
There’s so much in this world to be thankful for! Don’t let acne or anything else stand in the way of your happiness!
Love you all ♥
Sampson says
October 13, 2011 at 9:38 amI’m the happiest I’ve ever been recently. I feel like my life is starting a new chapter and it scares the crap out of me, but I’m looking forward to whatever life has to throw at me. I can’t quite pinpoint why my life is changing so drastically lately, but it just is.
It feels like New Years, except I’m planning to actually stick with my resolutions this time. Maybe I’m just getting old 😛
Tracy says
October 13, 2011 at 11:13 amThat’s wonderful to hear Sampson! 🙂 I hope this new chapter goes well!!
Brielle says
October 14, 2011 at 4:11 pmThis post is perfect timing for me!
Thank you for writing this.
I also recently purchased your “clear skin” healthy eating e-book. So I am looking forward to results in a few months. 🙂 I have always had acne, and cleared it naturaly 2 years ago…but stress, a sad breakup and moving have all taken its turn on messing up my skin. So I am kicking my already pretty healthy diet way up! Thanks for all the tips. 🙂
Tracy says
October 14, 2011 at 11:00 pmHi Brielle! Thanks for purchasing the book…. good luck with clearing your skin again! 🙂
Primal Toad says
October 14, 2011 at 7:02 pmAwesome post. Breathe this daily and you are all set.
No knife? Go buy some plastic ones – you may be surprised. You better be grateful for that dishwasher… I hand wash all my dishes here in Hawaii 😉
I also don’t have a privacy area to make a video. It’s been a month since I have made one! I’ve been busy with other things but I realize that making videos is necessary. I’ll make a couple at the park tomorrow that is within a 10 minutes walk.
Talk about roommates that stay up late… I prefer to be in bed trying to fall asleep by 9 or 10 during the fall/winter. That has been easy for the past 10 days since the person who owns the place I am living in for 20 nights went to Korea with her boyfriend (they are flight attendants).
They got home last night and were up till past midnight. I laid in my bed and was hot and sweaty and kind of pissed off at first. This lasted only a few moments however as I had the opportunity to think and so I thought. I ignored them. They were not really loud but I could easily here them. As soon as I started to think positive things and be grateful about the fact that I am in flipping Hawaii and not Michigan where its now in the 50s I fell asleep right away. I slept great and woke up awake and refreshed even though I got between 6-7 hours of sleep which is less than normal.
I’ll adjust and go to bed a little later while not fretting about it.
Tracy says
October 14, 2011 at 10:55 pmHey Todd… funny I had that exact same situation happen last night… my roommate was up, but not being loud, although there was some quietish music on that I seemed to be able to hear so clearly…. either way, I started getting very aggravated at not being able to sleep.
But then I remembered this post I wrote and I thought… it’s okay…. just change your attitude. It’s alllll gonna be alright… getting aggravated isn’t going to make getting to sleep any easier (we all know it just makes things worse!). Anyway… I made the decision to “be cool”… i don’t know if I got to sleep any faster, but it definitely made me happier to not stress about it.
I’m just going to have to find some good earplugs! it’s tough with my small ears though :/ hopefully I can find some that stay in!
Primal Toad says
October 15, 2011 at 6:23 pmLol. You’ll find a solution. Continue to be patient but never stop looking.
Erika says
October 15, 2011 at 4:39 amYou and your blog are an inspiration to me. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it.
I just started my first year of uni and while my skin wasn’t completely blemish free, it wasn’t as bad as it is now. I feel like I’m living a roller coaster of emotions and logic. One minute I’m fine with who I am, acne and all, and the next I’m blaming my craterous face for my unhappiness. I look in the mirror and think, “If only I had clear skin, I’d be happy.” I’ve told my mom that I’d be unstoppable if I had clear skin; that I could make eye contact and wear my hair up more often and exercise in public.
Everything you’ve said here rings true. I’ve developed a horrible picking problem and I’m so painfully aware of it. But I need to act on this knowledge and stop it from controlling other aspects of my life. Thank you for this blog. It’s such a blessing to me.
Tracy says
October 15, 2011 at 7:41 amHi Erika! Thanks for letting me know how much you appreciate the blog 🙂 I know I’ve definitely been there with the crazy emotional rollercoaster over the skin… but I think it’s a gradual process of moving through the emotions and learning not to let acne make us unhappy…. usually once you get so sick of being unhappy.. like hitting the bottom of the well, you realize that something has to change. I’m still working through it, but I’ve come a long way and I feel that one day I will really manage to live my life to its fullest with no worries or regrets. I hope that every one of my readers will also end up there!
Rosana says
October 31, 2011 at 7:57 amHi! I just wanted to say thank you!you helped me a lot,to believe in myself and that I could cure my acne holistically.I now have a clear face and I am no longer down because of my skin problems.I have given up birth control pills 3 weeks ago and that worries me a bit,that my acne could come back.I follow all your 7 steps(I began little by little,but I made it:D) and feel amazing inside & out.I just wish there were more people like you out there,to guide people in need.
Again,thank you & I wish you a very happy life!
Tracy says
October 31, 2011 at 8:24 amaww… thanks Rosana!! that is amazing to hear how much you’ve improved…. much love! xoxo
Sascha says
February 13, 2012 at 12:08 pmTracy, what an amazing post! I felt as if you took a page out of my life and read it back to me! I am that person that does let acne dictate my happiness. When i’m clear, i’m on top of the world but when my face is broken out (as it is currently), i feel like crap and isolate myself. I know i need to stop this and realize that my acne is not me. I love the idea of letting go of the victim mentality of why me and seeing acne for what it truly is, a warning that something has to change. Well, i am tired of being a victim and i am going to see a naturopath this week and regardless of the outcome, i am going to make every attempt to live my life HAPPILY with or without acne.
Thank You for the inspiration
Tracy says
February 13, 2012 at 4:52 pmYou’re welcome Sascha 😀
Mel says
January 12, 2013 at 7:37 pmHi Tracy! Do you have any advice on going out in public with acne? I feel anxious and embarrassed because of my skin and i basically have been holed up at home for the past few months. I start school on Monday and I am anxious about going out into the world. 🙁 I know it will get better but it is very hard right now. Your blog is such an inspiration by the way, thank you.
Tracy says
January 12, 2013 at 10:38 pmHi Mel, ah, I know… it is terribly challenging, I definitely feel your pain :/ I will see if I can formulate an article about this with some tips. love x
Katherine says
October 4, 2013 at 10:20 am“You may blame society or your doctor or your parents for not teaching you that an unhealthy lifestyle would possibly create an acne problem, but you were the one who led your life.There’s no point bashing yourself because you probably didn’t know any better, but you do need to accept that you created the mess. ”
You should be ashamed of yourself. You say we shouldn’t be placing the blame on ourselves, but that’s exactly what you’re saying here! I am someone who leads what most would consider a very healthy lifestyle. I exercise regularly, I eat lean meats, healthy fats, plenty of fruits and vegetables, along with low-fat dairy (gasp!) and whole grains (double gasp!). I am so. sick. of being told I lead an “unhealthy lifestyle” because I don’t follow the ascetic gluten-free, dairy-free, completely low GI diet that’s so often promoted on the natural acne remedy websites like yours. Do you know how frustrating it is for me to see people with glowing, clear skin eating pizza and smoking cigarettes, only to then have you tell me MY lifestyle is unhealthy? I may not cut out all gluten and dairy, but don’t tell me my lifestyle is unhealthy.
And to then go on to say that this “unhealthy” lifestyle has created “the mess” (thanks for calling my face a mess, by the way)…shame on you. I understand these things probably make acne worse, but forgive me for caring more about wanting to lead a social, happy life that doesn’t revolve around what is or isn’t in my food than simply about clearing up my skin. Don’t shame me for making that choice.
I am someone who likes the idea of treating my acne naturally and limiting my exposure to toxins, but you are doing your cause a huge disservice with this sort of blaming of the sufferer. If you go to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ page on acne one of the first things they say is, “It’s not your fault”. After reading that, I might be more inclined to go with their more conventional (read: not natural) suggestions for treating acne. At least there I feel welcomed with open arms. So much for the “love” in love vitamin…
Tracy says
October 4, 2013 at 11:14 amHi Katherine,
I’m sorry you feel that way about this article and I can definitely see why it is misunderstood. As I said, the point of it really is not to blame or shame you, or telling that you should feel guilty or bad, it’s simply to point out that if you constantly blame other people or circumstances for the problem, or think that you have no role in the problem, then you can’t really change it because, well.. you can’t! Because it has nothing to do with you, it only has to do with all those things beyond your control. If you see that you have a role in it then you can see that you can change it.
Many people feel completely powerless when it comes to acne and terribly desperate when they feel like they’ve tried it all (conventional treatments) – so when I write this way it’s supposed to be a motivating and empowering thing for people who haven’t really started changing their lifestyle, or have never thought about health before in relation to their acne (which is many people). It’s suppose to show them that all is not lost and that the power is with them, not other people who may or may not ever fix the problem for you.
However, I can see how it probably comes off as an asshole statement if you’ve already been down that road and you’re not seeing any results, or you’ve made conscious choices about what a healthy lifestyle looks like for you and you still have acne. Sorry, Katherine.
megan says
September 26, 2014 at 10:00 amTracy i cant quit washing my face i wash it like 5 times a day and i cannot quit picking the longest ive quit is 4 days. my face starts to clear then i pick sore again. what can i do?and how can i heal my sores. i am getting married in 15 days and i hope they heal up.
Kenny says
November 11, 2015 at 5:44 amEverything I read in this blog feels so close to what I am going through, it is so interesting.
Some days I feel that things are kind of grey on this planet, but then, I also discover that other things give sense to each and every colour. Like this article. It made me really happy
Never let go!