I read an article the other day called “How to Get Over Other People’s Opinions of You – By Not Giving a Shit“.
I thought it was brilliant and I shared it on my L Vitamin Facebook page to many “likes”. Clearly you and I are on the same page.
The gist of the article is that we care too much about what people think and we let other people’s opinions and judgments change the way that we feel about ourselves.
One negative comment, or one little opinion, can make us curl up into a ball and retract our heads right back into our little turtle shells.
And stay there.
Adopt the Deep Spiritual Practice of ‘Not Giving a Shit’
If someone’s opinion is threatening to keep you back from doing what you want to do (maybe it’s changing your diet to heal your skin, or maybe you want to try out a new career but someone doesn’t think you can do it) … that’s when you bring this in.
Or if you were feeling confident and happy with who you were and then someone comes along and makes a comment about your skin, or tells you you aren’t good enough in some way…. bring this in.
Or even if you’re just at a fitness class and wondering what people are thinking about your shirt! (which happened to me the other day). Bring it on.
“I don’t give a shit”
Say it to yourself. And then it should give you a big emotional boost to do what you want anyway…. and feel the way you want anyway…. wear what you want… and don’t let anyone and their opinions have authority over what you know is best for yourself!
I know it definitely made me feel more confident about my shirt 😉
That being said, if someone does have a valid criticism of something you are doing, it doesn’t mean you can’t consider what they are saying. But if after consideration, it doesn’t ring true for you, that’s when this comes in handy.
I think there is essentially three steps to this process:
1. Choose Your Own Path First Before Others Do It For You
Get clear on what YOU want. How YOU want to live your life. And clear about what YOU love about yourself.
If you currently don’t think too much of yourself because you’ve spent too long giving a shit and letting society and other people’s opinions shape your feelings about yourself, pointedly practice self love. Speak kindly to yourself, do things you really truly enjoy, and show yourself you deserve happiness.
I think these steps are really important because it’s just too easy to give a shit when you don’t know who you are or what you want or what’s awesome about you.
2. Just Say It Out Loud
When it happens – someone tries to push their opinion into your world uninvited, or you’re simply worrying about what people think – just say the words. “I don’t give a shit.”
Don’t necessarily say it to them, but say it to yourself.
Of course, you don’t have to cuss… you can say it however you want, but if this appeals to you, you’ll know what I mean… there’s something forceful and powerful and exciting and rebellious about actually saying those words.
It kind of sounds like a joke that this is spiritual, but you know what I love about this idea?
It REALLY IS a spiritual practice.
It’s essentially the Toaist teaching of “care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”
Except it’s updated for the 21st century. If you are interested in personal spirituality but you’re more of a straight talker and can’t really get on board with all the ‘woo talk’, this is the spirituality for you.
When we talk about this concept, we often like to say gentle things like “letting go” “releasing their opinion” etc etc… which is cool too, but I like this way better 🙂
3. Be Stoked on the Awesomeness You’ve Got Going On
The last step is to truly be grateful for what you do have… the people who love you and support you and think you are friggin’ rad!
We often have so much love and support surrounding us and yet we get one little comment and we can focus all our energy into that and basically let it steal our souls. We are all too happy to instantly vomit up our power for them to scurry away with.
If there is one thing I’ve learned from having a blog and putting your opinion out into the world, it’s that some people are going to love you and some people are going to hate you!
I get so much positivity from my readers here, yet in the old days, I’d get one negative comment and I could stew on it for days!
But now I’ve learned to embrace it. I actually kind of like it – because I’ve realized that if you are going to to make a big, authentic impact on people, then you have to be completely yourself – and it’s a given that some just aren’t going to like you or agree with you. And it’s okay to embrace that.
It’s okay to let go of that perfectionism (this is coming from a chronic perfectionist!)
I think that’s one of the most freeing things you can adopt – is allowing it to be okay that you will never be everyone’s type of person. You will never please everyone.
So just stop giving a shit about the people you don’t like you, because the ones who love you REALLY love you for truly being YOU, instead of a watered down version of you.
Further Spiritual Reading
If you’re interested in expanding your straight talking spirituality, I recommend a similar piece of literature I just read called “Fuck It. The Ultimate Spiritual Way”
It’s all about the spiritual ideas of letting go, giving up and creating freedom by releasing the things that don’t matter. Except we do it with swear words! Yay 🙂