Alright, so last post, I told you all about the entheogenic, life-changing brew called ayahuasca.
You learned what it is, how it works, and an idea of what you might expect if you have a chance to dance with it.
I suggest you read the following two posts prior to beginning this one, in order to give you the solid background on what I’m talking about here.. otherwise it might get confusing!
So yes, now that you hopefully know all about what ayahuasca is and the personal problems I was having that lead to me and Luke participating in it… let’s get down to business here and tell you all about my three ayahuasca journeys.
Just to warn you… even after breaking this down into three parts, each one is still really long. So much happened!
So only if you’re interested in taking a long journey into my deepest subconscious, you should get a cup of tea and make yourself comfy…
Let us begin…
My General Desires for What I Wanted to Get Out of It
Like I said in the last post, you don’t do ayahuasca for fun.
You do it because you have some serious self growth and healing you want to achieve, and accept that you may be sent to hell and back in the process.
My two basic things I wanted were to:
- Just have a general emotional and spiritual cleansing of anything that is holding me back or not serving me. Whether those be limiting beliefs, or emotional blocks, or recent hurts, or whatever. Help me leave them behind and move forward from here.
- Help me figure out where I am going from here in a life sense. What’s next for me? Do I need a new career? What’s going on with The Love Vitamin? Is it the end, or not? What’s my next big passion project? I feel lost, give me some direction please!
One thing you have to understand is that ayahuasca doesn’t always give you what you want, but it always gives you what you need. Even if it’s not what you wanted to see or feel, it’s going to show you what you need most.
So I went into it with a big grain of salt next to my intentions. I knew it was just going to have it’s way with me in whichever way it wanted.
That being said, for each night you are doing the ayahuasca, you are supposed to set a clear intention for that evening, in order to somewhat direct the experience.
For the first night, I specifically said: Tonight, I just want to be cleansed and purged of everything of the past. Everything that isn’t serving me, even if I’m not consciously aware of what it is.
Whatever it is, just cleanse me of it, so that in the next two ceremonies, I can be rebuilt and renewed.
Get the bad stuff over with first, I said.
Since purging and cleansing in ayahuasca literally tends to come in the form of vomiting (or as my friend told me, visions of actual demons flying up and out of her throat), I expected it to be a pretty rough night.
But I was still taken off guard when it actually was.
And So Night One of Ayahuasca Begins…
After heading to the jungle hut at 8 pm and drinking the brown ayahuasca sludge (seriously… worst. taste. ever), we sat back in our sleeping bags and nervously waited for it to kick in as we stared at the roof of the dark circular hut.
As I lied there, I tried to be positive about what was ahead… people often say that you need to surrender to the ayahuasca, no matter what happens. Let whatever is going to happen happen without fighting it. The harder you resist the experience, the worse it’ll be (sounds like a good general life lesson, right?)
So I told myself… it’s ok. You got this. You can surrender to it.
After about an hour of patient silence, the first thing I hear is Luke bolt upright beside me and puke violently into his bucket. Which of course was disturbing, and added a sense of foreboding to everything.
Next was the guy across the room letting it go.
After that, I was still waiting and waiting and wasn’t feeling a lot. Was it even going to work?
I knew I shouldn’t, but I felt myself get a little impatient, something I am known for. When I want something (in this case the experience to kick in), I want to be able to do something to be able to get it and get it as soon as possible.
When I am not in control, I have real trouble with that.
But I did eventually start to feel shivery, tingly; and I knew it was coming on.
Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach and I was also upright, puking my guts out into my bucket.
And let me tell you, the brown sludge didn’t taste any better on the way up, that’s for sure.
When I lied back down, that’s when the hallucinations began to come on, and it got intense.
And when it did, I just felt so, so bad. Like deep, horrific, anxious depression.
It was like this dark scary ugly cloud was over me. Just a general feeling of awfulness that you want more than anything to just go away, but you feel like you can’t escape.
And on top of that, I wasn’t seeing any visions.
I was seeing psychadelic stuff (the room breathing, patterns swirling), but I wasn’t seeing the typical visions that people usually get on ayahuasca. Scenes playing out in your eyelids. Like psychadelic movies.
I wasn’t getting any of that, which of course was what I had been expecting.
Before I knew it, a stream of negative thoughts were parading across my head and wouldn’t stop. Thoughts that felt much darker and more inescapable than I usually ever feel in waking life.
Normally I feel like I have some power to change and direct my thoughts, but I felt utterly helpless here.
“Ugh, I feel so f’n bad. This is awful. And I’m not even getting visions. Grrr, this is just like a bad mushroom trip that I could have paid 10 bucks for, instead of this stupid expensive retreat. I don’t want to be here at all. WHY did I do this to myself? Now I’m stuck here all night… can I actually handle FOUR more hours of this? And I can’t believe have TWO more nights after this one? No way. Are you kidding? No way. I’m not doing this again. Why would I do that to myself? Only an idiot would do this to herself again. In the morning, I’m going to pack my bags and sneak out the back door and just run away…”
And after a while of this, suddenly it hit me.
Ohhh. I get it. THIS is your lesson, Tracy. Duh.
You always want to run away when shit gets tough.
Why? Because you just want to feel good all the time. You want everything to feel good and exciting, and when it doesn’t … when life feels hard, or emotionally difficult, or mundane … you can’t handle it. You can’t function. You dig your heels in and resist with all your might.
And you will do anything to try and control the situation, anything you can to just make it all go away and get back to feeling good.
But you can’t run away from this.
Maybe this and the next two nights are going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But you’re in it now. There is no escaping.
I mean, technically, you could leave, but you’re not really going to run away from the retreat. That would be ridiculous, especially when it’s so clear what your main lesson is here.
The only thing you can do is go through it.
No matter what, you’re going to live. You just have to find a way to manage and deal.
And No, You Can’t Just Tell Yourself It’ll be Over in a Day or Two and Go On Your Merry Way…
My instinct at that point was to go “oh well, it’s ok… yeah this is going to be rough and I’m going to hate it, then it’ll be over and you can feel good again”.
But I kind of knew my lesson was that I couldn’t just wait until I felt good again and all my problems were over in order to try and be happy.
No, my mission was to find a way to make peace with the pain now.
Because you know what? Most big problems in life… you can’t rely on them just magically being over in four hours time, can you?
So that’s what I tried to do. Instead of instinctually doing whatever I could to run away from the feelings or distract myself from them, I tried to just sit with the uncomfortable feelings… feel them fully and just let them be there.
I didn’t really succeed though. Every time I tried to focus on the feelings, it seemed to just amplify them.
Next, I tried some gratitude… maybe trying to be grateful and focus on the good things in my life would help?
But nope. Under that oppressive dark cloud, I couldn’t feel grateful or happy about anything. How could I feel grateful about anything when I feel THIS shitty?
Deep breathing helped a tiny bit, but overall, nothing was making me feel any better.
Honesty & Openness Is Your Power, Tracy
Suddenly, the ayahuasca started getting a bit less intense. And thank goodness… that little come down took me out of the really deep, deep dark thoughts.
I still wasn’t feeling on top of the world or anything, but a bit better. I began to feel a little more at ease with the experience. Maybe this was going to be a good thing after all, I thought.
Over the next while, it was a lot of random thoughts and insights coming and going. Instead of the typical visions that most people get, the way I was downloading information from the ayahuasca was more like a strong gut feeling (which is also the main way I seem to get intuition in my day to day life).
One thing that stood out for me at this point was a feeling that honesty and openness has always been a very strong suit for me. Baring my soul in an honest and authentic way has been the back bone of what grew the Love Vitamin.
And it’s possibly also why I’ve been falling out of love with The Love Vitamin.
Because I felt like I wasn’t being honest with all of you about what’s going on with me… about my journey with health, acne, and The Love Vitamin slowing down… how my diet and skin has slid quite a bit… how I’m kind of emotionally addicted to Estroblock.
I just need to be 100% honest and open in order to be my best, most passionate self. No secrets.
And so ayahuasca said:
“Hey Trace. Maybe throwing the towel in on The Love Vitamin isn’t the answer, but moving back into that honesty is.
Maybe you should go home and write a series of truth vomit blog posts and just let it all out there. Say everything you’re terrified to say, and be damned what people think.”
I thought… well that’s scary, but ok. That may very well be the answer, and but I guess I’ll never know unless I do it.
Hence what you’re reading now (and previously here, here, and here)
Crying For the Love of Luke
Anyway… after this, suddenly, there was silence. The shaman had been singing what they call icaros… which are songs in his Amazonian Shipibo language that are meant to guide the spirits of your healing.
I wasn’t really paying any attention to them, but suddenly when they stopped, the silence triggered this intense flood of emotion.
I felt this overwhelming feeling of love for Luke, and I began to cry. And I couldn’t stop sobbing for about an hour.
I just felt so much gratitude and amazement at the amount of unconditional love, support, understanding and patience that he shows me.
And I started to wonder… am I even capable of that kind of unconditional love?
Or do I only love him (or anything or anyone) as long as it feels easy and good? As long as it directly benefits me with good emotions?
Aside from our recent blip, our relationship has been very positive, easy, and smooth. We have yet to go through any major life altering events, and so times together have pretty much always been happy.
But what if something happened to him that dramatically altered the rest of our lives together?
What if he developed a strong mental illness, got a disabling brain injury, became majorly paralyzed, or something equally as horrendous?
Could I honestly say that I wouldn’t want to run away when I was faced with those scary awful emotions and long term hardships that would come with something like that?
How could I handle seeing him like that? How could I face that heartbreak every day?
Of course I would want to be there for him but how could I NOT want to run away and stop feeling all those terrible things?
And would I actually do it?
I mean, I recently was considering giving up everything we had… what, because I got a little BORED?
What an asshole.
And then I lied there crying and feeling like a big stupid asshole for ever having taken him for granted. Crying and crying… with shame, and gratitude, and love for him.
Giving Myself The Love
I could tell that Luke knew I was crying and that he wanted very much to comfort me. Because that’s how our dynamic is. He is my emotional rock. I rely on him for emotional support.
But ayahuasca is a solo journey, despite being physically next to the other people in the room.
I knew that I was on my own and that he couldn’t help me now, as much as I wanted him to come and save me from it.
In that moment, I instinctively started to hold my own face; to cuddle myself… I literally did feel like I was cuddling my own person, forgiving myself, treating myself with understanding and love, just the way Luke does for me.
I saw that I don’t really need Luke’s support, or anyone else’s for that matter. All the love really is there inside myself as well.
I continued to cry and cry and cry, and purge and purge and purge through my tears.
As the Ceremony Came to a Close…
Eventually, the ceremony started winding down and I knew that soon we would be sent off to bed. But then I started to feel all the negative darkness coming back in.
Not quite as intense as the beginning, but I definitely started feeling that awful dark cloud on me again and started wishing the night would just end already. When the lights came on in the hut, I was rather disappointed that I was clearly still quite high and I’d have a while to go.
Eventually we were escorted to our rooms where we are supposed to just cuddle up in our beds and ride the rest of it out until we drift off to sleep.
I spent the rest of it grappling with the awful feelings… trying to be present with them but not succeeding.
Lots of puking and shitting too (I had caught a bit of a stomach bug the day before, so it was like a double whammy along with the ayahuasca purging).
Luke had been put in a different room to sleep (as we were supposed to be on our own separate journeys), but he was allowed to come in to my room briefly for a hug and a kiss.
I was shocked to hear that he had had an amazing night! He saw God he said! It was like a crazy, visual, magic carpet ride through the universe! He felt overwhelming love and bliss for everything!
Best night ever!
Wow, ok. What a contrast. He felt bad for me, and I felt happy for him.
He went back to his room and I continued with my puking and shitting and feeling awful until I finally drifted off out of sheer exhaustian.
It didn’t last long, as I had awoken to my toilet flooding, and having to run to the bathroom outside in the rain.
As I sat on the toilet and stared at a bug that had drowned in a bucket, I laughed about what a completely awful night it had been.
But hey. I was alive. I had hit rock bottom and purged like mad.
Surely things can only get better from here… right?
Stay Tuned for Part 2 …
Next week, you get to hear all about my second ayahuasca ceremony (which took place the next day). And yes, the night was even worse than this one, and yes, the blog post, even longer than this one.
Thanks for reading. This is obviously all very personal, sharing some pretty intense and dark stuff. So thanks for being there for me.
Hi Tracy! I know you’ve gone over this a lot and made videos etc, but I was wondering what you think is the best treatment for the red post acne marks. Aloe Vera? Honey? I’m currently using aloe Vera from the plant. I’m also pregnant and after breaking out badly for basically 2 months straight I am trying to fade the red marks left behind around my mouth and on my chin. I know the picking didn’t help! It’s just distressing because I had clear skin beforehand. Thanks!
I would highly recommend papaya masks (every 4 days or so, not every day)
And then you can apply aloe with msm in it nightly and after you do those masks
Thank you for sharing Tracy <3
Thanks for reading!
I respect you so much for sharing this deeply personal story with us.
Thank you, Tracy 🙂
Thanks Tawny 🙂
just wanted to say hi 🙂 , i’m one of people that followed your blog from the start, really loved your videos at that time, your natural yourself 🙂 but since my acne cleared up i haven’t visited you in a long time. I’m happy for you, and thank you for sharing your story 🙂
Hi Maya, I remember you! and your blue haired avatar haha… ah I love old blog readers coming back and hearing that they’ve cleared their acne, that’s awesome 🙂 I am happy that many people don’t read my blog anymore because they don’t need it…. that’s a good thing!
Tracy, this post made me cry. I’ve not done this but I can relate to your feelings soo much. I so admire your courage and vulnerabilty in sharing. I too tend to be a bit flighty when things get tough. It can stem from very early years (or prenatal) in an insecure ambivalent attachment. Sounds like you’re into psychology like me.
I’m also kind of laughing right now because of what you said about fears around love vitamin and leaving it. I’m reluctant to even build anything because I’m afraid I’m going to change and out grow it! ? working on leaning into fear! Lots of love! Xx
Sometimes when I read what I’ve written here (and in the upcoming posts), I’m like… yeah ok. So you’re afraid of things being uncomfortable, and don’t like feeling bad. But who does???
Am I actually more extreme in these things than most, or am I just being human… I think most people don’t want to feel bad, and we all come up with many creative ways to run from our feelings. I just literally like to quit things and run away and change my environment and circumstance as one of my preferred method (amongst others). Others prefer drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, or more banal ones like procrastination, avoidance, watching too much TV, etc. Or the acne relevant one – when acne makes us feel bad, we like to do things to control it to make the bad feelings go away …. every day a new skin care regimen, overwashing our faces, overcontrolling our diets, skin picking… etc….
I guess life is just finding a way to accept and balance our fears and uncomfortable feelings… take action despite our fears, but not so much action that it’s just a distraction or becomes negative…
Yes, its all about balance and our behaviours are vary along the scale but we’re all sharing the same axis. We all share the same basic feelings and fears. That’s what I think of when I hear the phrase “We are one”! And its kind of how your blog works. The more specific you get with your experiences and feelings the more your readers resonate and feel connected together.
It’s so wonderful to realise that those thoughts and feelings you keep hidden and ashamed of are actually shared by others and especially great when they’re also experienced by other people you greatly admire (like you!). Thanks again for your bravery and honesty xx
This post simultaneously made me feel and laugh a lot. I’ve been super looking forward to this series of posts, both for your satire and deep insights. I hope you have found, and continue to find a momentum of meaning in your personal life and the life of your blog. They seem to do best when they reflect each other.
Thanks Melanie, I’m really glad you enjoyed this post! haha
Hi Tracy –
What a great writer you are; l laughed, l cried, it was riveting. That part about Luke’s magic carpet ride was hysterical.
My skin is clear but I have excess facial hair. My question is about estoblock: since it’s anti-androgenic could it address this? In my head both conditions are evidence of hormonal imbalance so . .
I realize you’re not a pharma expert and struggling with the notion of being addicted to the stuff but you have been on it for awhile so I’d value your opinion.
Thanks Proo, glad you enjoyed the post 🙂 Estroblock is worth a try, it often works well for those with PCOS, of which excess facial hair is often a symptom along with acne
I just found this page on a break at work. I have never had acne, until now. I read this post and, wow, how relevant to my own life. I am going through a four month yoga teacher training; learning philosophies, practicing non-attachment, and surrender, which is hard/deep work. I madly respect your openness and honesty. I believe only good can come from the true self and that is what you are practicing. Thank you for this post. I look forward to delving deeper into your page!
Hi Athena, letting go and surrendering is certainly not easy! And I am not close to mastering it, but ayahuasca was so helpful in making me realize that was the answer, otherwise I probably never would have come to that conclusion on my own…
What an amazing story you have to tell. I love this. I arrived on your site after looking up a recipe for nutritional yeast salad dressing (which I’m nuts over, by the way- thank you!) and have fallen in love with your posts and honesty. Thanks for sharing your adventure with us!
Hi Angi! Haha, I just made that dressing again yesterday after taking a loooong break from it (overdid it because it was too good). Go easy on it! lol 🙂 Anyway – enjoy the dressing and super happy you’re enjoying the blog posts too!
Tracy, I think that my original post, that I tried to submit twice here and which disappeared into the ether both times, was either too long for the automated system to accept, or might have had some terms that were flagged by a filter (unintentionally). I will try to break it into segments and post smaller chunks.
Hi Dearie, it’s 4:13 am and though it wasn’t in my plans, I’ve spent a couple of hours reading this series of posts on your blog — my first visit here in a couple of years, I think.
I know you’ve read hundreds of thousands of posts in your time as a blogger, but you might remember a post I made (when your blog had an older design), when I left a comment on your blogpost about your wedding (or maybe I wrote you a private message, I don’t remember) that we have a similar eye color, hair and skin coloring, and that you struck me so much as looking like a daughter that I might have had, if I had been fortunate enough to have had a child, and that I was proud of you and happy for you, and actually I wouldn’t be coming back to your blog because of that unusual emotional reaction (that I must say I had not, at that time, ever felt, upon first coming across a random blog, and that I have not, since, ever felt while visiting any other random blog).
I think that was when I had been ill for a few years with some things that I didn’t know the outlines of, and doctors were not helping me figure them out — later, I researched like crazy and got second opinions and tests and eventually got some diagnoses, had necessary surgeries, had everything come back unfortunately, am being monitored in case I need more surgeries, etc.; am still researching medical issues and trying to improve my health and knowledge.
Later, probably a year or two later, I again stumbled upon your site one day, after you had changed the design and made it more commercial, flashy, and less personal, and I left one comment somewhere that I understood the direction you had gone in with the design changes and the private group and social media platforms and selling ebooks, etc., but I missed the gentle and personal directness and simplicity of your prior design and the down-to-earth connection you had appeared to have with your site visitors through it.
That was probably one to two years ago. I had not been back to your site since that second brief visit, until now.
Oh dear, after part 1 worked fine and actually showed up on the screen as being in the approval queue, the site is not letting me post the other paragraphs of my original comment right now.
I think the software is filtering me out as maybe being ‘dodgy’ or something. (Even after doing all those captchas – selecting all squares with a bridge in them, with a street sign in them, with a vehicle in them…)
I promise that I’m a genuine person! And I mean well. 🙂
I guess I’ll have to try later.
Okay, I give up, I’ve tried several different ways to copy and paste sections of my original comment, but most of my submissions keep disappearing, so your site software obviously thinks I am a menace, ha ha!
moving to part 3, skipping a bit
…in the meantime you had embarked on a very honest series of posts (lonliness, rockclimbing friendship veering into something more, distant relationship with your husband, career crossroads, dependence on some health supplements, ayahuasca experiences, etc.)
I don’t know when I might be back, maybe not for another couple of years again, so I am reading that particular series of posts all the way through tonight (although it’s suddenly the middle of the night!), and I’m really enjoying them.
A note — one thing that is driving me bananas is that there are no dates on your blogposts or the reader comments. Tonight, when I randomly click around, do a search for a search term, or follow one of the “related posts” links at the end of one of your blogposts, I can’t tell where I am on your blog, where I am in the timeline, what is a new comment and what was made 5 or 7 years ago. This might be just an unusual, not-100%-rendered view that I’m seeing on my computer screen because of my particular set up (an old Win 7 laptop, still using IE 11, lots of ad and tracker blockers turned on), but I don’t think so — instead, it seems that you just don’t have dates on anything, for some kind of consciously-made reason! Ack, it feels disorienting. It also makes it frustrating when it comes to looking up a topic on your site (such as turmeric, DIM, cleansing methods, whatever), because one does not know what your *most recent* conclusions and up-to-date information is — without knowing the posting dates, a post/a comment could have been written many years ago, or only last week.
I saw where you were talking about trying for a baby, but I don’t know if that was very recent, or years ago already.
I saw where you were musing about whether there were any major concerns/reasons to stop taking Estroblock (and similar supplements), but I don’t know if that was ancient history, or something you are still seeking opinions on.
okay, that was a partial success, on to part 4
I don’t know very much about Estroblock or DIM, so I don’t know exactly what form of estrogen is blocked and what effects that has on the body, but two things that are very much on my mind, at my stage in life, and which I have not seen you mention on your site (in my quick bouncing around tonight, so admittedly I have not scraped the surface of your content), are:
a. bone strength. I have been found to have advanced osteopenia (nearly at the osteoporosis stage) even though I’ve taken good doses of calcium, vit D, and magnesium for the last 12 years already – yet I am not really that old, and I am not yet in menopause.
b. dementia/Alzheimer’s. I have the APOE E4 gene variant which predisposes people to develop Alzheimer’s, and it especially is risky for small-framed Caucasian women whose ancestry is from northern Europe / Britain (which describes me).
Both of these issues (bone strength and integrity/health of brain structure/function) in women’s lives, from late middle-age onwards, rely on our hormones to have been in somewhat decent shape, ideally throughout our adult lives (starting decades before we might expect our own personal menopause to happen).
Taking carefully-dosed, modest levels of hormone replacement therapy (meaning modern, biologically-identical hormones, not the older generation of HRT which was less safe and less effective) arranged in conjunction with a well-educated health professional, can make a huge difference for women in the peri-menopausal and menopausal years, in terms of keeping their bones strong, and resisting against Alzheimer’s developments in the brain — many studies have shown this.
Therefore, depending on one’s hormone levels, it may not be a good thing to significantly and selectively lower one or more types of estrogen, through something like Estroblock, continuously for years and years, in one’s 20s, 30s, and 40s… ? Maybe that type of estrogen is important for maintaining structural things like our elderly bone structure and brain structure, which are not top-of-mind when we are young.
Or, maybe, on balance, it’s actually protective to take medications like that — I don’t know! I’m not a doctor. I don’t know much about medicine and biology.
But I just wanted to say that if you are considering long-term use of something that manipulates some of the key female hormones, don’t just think about the present-day benefits you get from that, but also the long-term implications for health conditions like osteopenia/osteoporosis and dementia/Alzheimer’s, which we, in our culture, don’t really seem to talk about or think about much when we are young (and our doctors don’t really mention it to us either), until suddenly we are in middle-ish middle age and the menopausal transition is nigh and our bones are already holey and weak, and our brains already have tangles and unwanted clusters of gunky stuff.
now to part 37 of 59 —
er, i mean part 5 of 5! yes, it’s almost over!
sorry for clogging up your comments area above
to change the subject, I wanted to say that your escapist urges and discomfort with stressful or monotonous situations sounds so much like my mother, and when you mentioned above that you were thinking what you would do in the future if your husband became really sick or disabled (or something similar which would be very hard for the two of you), and how you would cope — I have seen my mother have to do that with her husband, who, when she was about 70, had a series of serious illnesses and operations and ended up fully dependent on her for everything, and it was so stressful and uncomfortable for her suddenly to become a full-time carer and not to shut down, run away, ignore details and uncomfortable information. She never got used to it, never enjoyed it, sometimes verbalized to him and me how she had never realized that their “retirement years” would turn out like that, and that she felt angry and taken advantage of, but she did not give up. It required massive amounts of love, duty, and responsibility, and she stuck with it and gave him 110% of her attention and efforts long after a lot of people probably would have said they had reached their limit. (If the roles had been reversed, he would have probably bailed out of the relationship at the initial sign of difficulty, which he had done in prior tricky situations in his life, and he would not have wanted to or been capable of taking care of her, so he was not like you say your husband is — patient, compassionate, having unconditional love, etc.) My point is, she was herself in good health, vibrant and active, and she sometimes felt like running away from that incredibly constraining and monotonous situation of being her husband’s full-time carer, but she didn’t – she dug deep, discovered strength and patience that she didn’t know that she had. It was based on her feelings of love, commitment, and responsibility.
I know you would be able to do this too. It would be difficult, but if you wanted to do it, you could do it. You have the capacity for this in your heart and character!
Now, I must get back into the ayahuasca hut and see what happened next — !
PS: I usually leave comments on the internet under pretend names and email addresses, so I’m sure that the name and email details that I will make up to put in the submission form below will be different than the ones that I used in my prior two comments which I described at the beginning of this massive missive. (sorry for the incredible length!)
All the best to you, dear one. <3
Hi Tracy ,
I’m very glad I got to find ur blog. Its really nice and interesting,
I have a question for you, I’m about to go for an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks. My issue is that I have acne, and food allergies which is very stressing, I know and hope this trip will fade all this stress and depression, I know I shouldn’t have expectations but I wonder if ayahuasca will help me out with this acne issue, like at least know what to not eat or what ever concern to it? I’m from Peru btw , thanks for sharing ur stuff! 🙂
Hi Marco! 🙂
My advice — don’t have any expectations, just go in with an open heart and mind. It will probably be very different than whatever you expect, but trust that whatever does happen and whatever insight you gain is exactly what you were meant to.
Acne (and food sensitivities) often have a very strong emotional/stress related root cause (this constant emotional tension stresses the body which translates into physical issues like acne and an overreactive immune system, which may overreact to foods). I would not expect to go in and have it tell you exactly what foods to eat or not eat. Because that’s just surface stuff — it’s not the real root cause of your pain/health problems/suffering. But ayahuasca very well may give you some very strong insights into what the real root cause might be — ie. what are the spiritual/emotional imbalances going on that are underlying this. And if you’re lucky, you may experience some deep soul healing while you’re in the ceremony. But again, don’t expect it. Whatever insights you get, you can use that to take home with you and further your personal growth.
Those are just my thoughts though, you really have no idea what’s going to happen. Just roll with it and work the most on being really open and non-resistant to whatever it is that might happen <--- that's really, really key. And if you have a hard time doing that (like I did) then that might be your big life lesson you need to learn! 😉 Good luck Marco!! x