You don’t have to be a genius to realize that acne is hard on the self esteem.
And if you are someone who has battled acne for a long time like I have, no one has to tell you how downright devastating it is to your self worth.
Let me tell you my story so that you know you aren’t alone. And also that there is hope for finding your way into a more peaceful, empowered relationship with yourself and your skin.
Acne: The Great Self-Esteem Ruiner
“There’s a product for that, you know” — quote: insensitive a-holes
For a few years, I battled against the type of acne that was so self esteem ruining — so bad, so ugly, so disgusting, that friends and strangers alike would all put in their two-cents:
“You should do something about your skin”, they would say.
Over the years, I received the weirdest pieces of advice.
For instance, a vague acquaintance once invited me to her house, to try her state-of-the-art colon cleansing machine for a week.
Hm, no, thank you?!
Drink more water, try that snake oil moisturizer, do a coconut water-only fast, stop wearing sunblock (in Australia!)…
I am ashamed to say it, but I listened to every piece of skin advice I ever received, because it had worked for a friend of a friend of a friend.
I bought all the creams and peels, and I was on all sort of weird diets and fasts.
But what had apparently worked for countless others never seemed to work for me.
I knew that most of it was probably rubbish. But my self esteem was so trashed, and I was so desperate to clear my skin, that I gave anything a try.
If you’re reading this article, you can probably relate to my story!
Why Acne is So Hard on Our Self Esteem
Acne is an obvious flaw.
It indicates the quality of your lifestyle, health and stress to everybody: your family, your friends, your colleagues, your boss, random strangers on the bus — they all miraculously turn into skin care specialists, even when you think you’re having a pretty good skin day (considering).
Acne is an isolating condition, as well.
Because it just doesn’t feel good to look at your own face whilst getting ready for work, and see the skin of a pimply teenager.
There is no way to ignore acne when it’s on your face for the world to see.
Because it’s well, on your face.
And as obvious as acne is, it’s hard to talk about it.
Why Is It So Hard to Even Admit Acne is Hard on Our Self Esteem?
I think that much of once suffering comes from the expectations placed on our shoulders.
Us, women.
We’re in 2018 now, and I still have an unrealistic idea of what it means to be a woman: feminine and attractive and beautiful.
And pimple-free.
And when I don’t feel like I’m those things, my self esteem certainly suffers.
I could certainly express my anger by blaming the media or my education.
But today, I choose to take responsibility for my narrow definition of female beauty.
Because at some point in my life, I chose to accept what others were saying as my truth: that my worth was based on how visually pleasing and sexually attractive I was.
And that somehow, I would be less of a woman if I were to have a pimple.
Whilst researching for this article, and thinking about the relationship between femininity and acne, I found a beautiful article that I’d like to share with you all.
‘What If Acne Wasn’t a Flaw’ was posted on Man Repeller in December 2017.
Of all the things I have ever read on acne, this article has taught and empowered me the most.
It is about five individual women who experience acne breakouts regularly.
And they talk about their relationship to their skin.
Hear, hear:
What I wish I’d been able to understand during the years my skin made me want to exist outside of it is that acne […] just is. I wish I’d felt like I could leave the house without makeup and still look acceptable. I wish I knew it wasn’t someone else’s job to determine whether it was “acceptable.” I also wish I knew there was nothing deceitful about wearing makeup. I wish I knew it was fine to feel and act as though my acne were an intrusion — that these red things were not welcome. I wish I also knew it was fine to pretend the one above my lip made me something of a ’90s supermodel. Mostly, I wish I knew it was normal, whatever that means.
But that’s the thing, though.
What is normal?
Do I still fit in the beauty norm during a breakout?
Can I be pretty with acne? Can I date with acne?! Would anybody love me?
Am I less of a woman when I decide that for once, I will not cake on makeup for a trip to the supermarket?
I don’t know.
But I’ll take Kendall Jenner’s “Never let that sh*t stop you” as an answer, “that sh*t” being acne.
Well, that’s easier said than done!
Acne is Rough on the Self Esteem. But Don’t Let That Shit Stop You.
In an article she wrote for The Love Vitamin, Tracy wrote about acne as a hobby.
You know, when you’re OCD-ing about your skin, and you spend hours and hours looking for that one miracle cure that will finally clear your skin in a week…
So much so that you put the rest of your life on hold, especially when you feel that you’re fighting a losing battle.
When your pimples prevent you from doing something that you really want to do…
When you cancel a fun afternoon with your friends, because you have a brand new PMS breakout…
When, when, when…
Your light dims a little.
Take it from someone who let her light dim for years.
That means that you have a choice: is acne costing you your life?”
If you decide that acne just can’t take over your life, you’ll need to take responsibility for your own life.
Break out (pun intended) of the victim mentality, and act like the powerful human being that you truly are.
Until you get this mess sorted, choose to be kind and supportive to yourself anyway.
Because the more you learn to love yourself with acne, the easier it will become to clear your skin, because you will heal from a place of love, acceptance, and support, rather than fear, frustration and anger.
Acne Blowing Up Your Self Esteem? You’re Not Alone
As someone who developed acne as an adult, I find the courage demonstrated by the people behind the #acnepositivity movement incredible. Sarah Smith says:
Sharing photos of my skin without makeup makes me feel empowered because I am embracing something that society has taught me to cover up.
I love that — sharing unfiltered photos as a way to accept yourself, because suddenly, there is nothing to hide anymore.
You’re not the only one with pimples and low self esteem and scars and insecurities.
These days, it is rare to meet someone who doesn’t have insecurities.
If it isn’t about their skin, it will be about their weight, the shape of their nose, their story, etc.
Yes, we are bombarded with filtered clear, flawless skin snaps across social media on a daily basis.
But you know that you’re better than that.
You know that you’re more than the current number of spots on your cheek.
Acne isn’t worth missing out on life.
And if that means that you need to wear makeup to avoid awkward questions or social pressure, please do.
And when you do, use makeup as a fun accessory, rather than as a tool to cover up your ‘flaws’ and your shame.
You’re beautiful, and I see and recognise the light that is within you, because it is also within me.
So go for it, there is no time to waste!
What do you think? How is acne affecting your self esteem, and how do you define and present yourself to the world?
P.S. This article is a list of fantastic suggestions to regain your self-confidence!
Celine Harleaux suffered from acne for what felt like centuries, and is now blessed with clear skin (well, most of the time).
She discovered energy healing and self-love during her acne journey, and she now believes self-love is THE key to help you regain your clear skin, strength, confidence, and awesomeness.
You can book a session with her through her website.
6 Responses
Hi Celine!
I don’t quite “get” you. You talk about self-love and want respect and acceptance from other people but at the same time you call fellow human beings a**holes. We are all human, we all have ours flaws. Your flaw is your skin, those people obviously have a flaw in their behaviour by making insensitive comments. Could you just accept them anyway? I’m quite sure people make these comments, because they have a genuine desire to “help”.
We can’t control what other people think, feel or say. If someone says a silly acne comment, I think that’s when it is time to set boundaries: “I do not want/like that you talk to me that way”. Or just let such comments go in from one ear, out from the other ear…
When we have acne, we think the whole world is equally focused to it like we are. But I think the good news is that people are naturally self-centered…they just don’t care! I have gone to super market, gym and hobbies with horrible inflamed pimples, of course with high embarrasment…but the world didn’t end 🙂
I think going to super market is such a good example of real life…some people are in hurry, a mother worried that a child gets a temper tantrum, obese people are worried people will judge them, I myself am 1,80m tall woman so I always feel little bit “different”, some people are worried if they have enough money to buy food, if you are a celebrity you get no privacy…so if among all the people there is someone who has acne and make up or no make up…who’s going to care? I don’t know about you, but at least myself, a “reality check” always helps. We all have our baggage, of course it is annoying that acne happens to be quite a visible one! 🙁
Hey Julia — truth be told, that was me who added the a-hole comment during editing Celine’s article (as I had to move that particular sentence around so I added that to make it fit!) So I’ll take it for that!
However, I assumed that it would be understood that this was meant to be tongue in cheek, much like many of the gifs we use, and I’m sure Celine would agree. That sentence is meant to be a funny, hyperbolic exasperation of how we feel when someone makes a comment about our skin or offers unwanted advice. We know they aren’t really a-holes and are actually just well meaning, yet oblivious — I know for me, I never really hold it against them, but it doesn’t make us want to curl up and cry any less (and perhaps unreasonably lash out at them in our minds in reaction to the hurt).
Much along the same line, many of us do logically recognize that no one really cares about our acne as much as we do or that going to the supermarket isn’t that big a deal, everyone has problems, etc… reality checks can help, but often knowing that doesn’t make a difference to how we end up feeling anyway. The pain really comes from deeper beliefs about what acne means to our love and belonging — in order for the emotional pain to really budge, those beliefs usually need to be worked on with self love, repetition, affirmations, whatever it is, before you’re able to easily brush it off when someone makes an annoying comment.
Anyway — I hear you, but I applaud Celine for exploring these themes in ways that I feel are very real, relatable, and funny too!
Hi Julia,
I love the point that you’re raising, about the reality check, and the supermarket image! We all believe that we are at the centre of the world… And so does everybody else. 😉
Now, back when I had acne, I did NOT have healthy boundaries, and basically depended on others to approve my worth, so that I could approve and love myself. So you can imagine how acne affected me in that respect.
I think the reason why receiving unwelcome comments on our skin is so unpleasant is because they reflect something that we already believe to be true. I agree with you, every person who ever offered me advice about my skin wanted to see me well and healthy and happy.
I honour you for having strong, healthy boundaries. To be honest, I’m still not at a point where I can say: “You’re not welcome to say that kind of things to me”, but hey, I’m getting there!
Thanks for your comment xx
Acne made me feel… vulnerable, really. Much like you said. I was miserably stressed and unhealthy and living in an abusive home when I was a teenager, and later too due to a series of abusive relationships, and I felt like everyone could not only see it, but blamed me for it.
I’m projecting onto these people, of course. One incident I’ll never forget is the snotty pretty girl from my high school class who decided to publicly ‘educate me’ on the importance of washing my face with soap and picking better makeup. She was thoughtless, insensitive, and ignorant, for sure. She totally humiliated me. I went home later and just wept in shame. And at the time, I just felt so… exposed. So ashamed that everyone thought I was so gross and so unhealthy and so to blame for the state of my skin. Incident after incident like that wrecked me, but now as an adult, I can honestly see that these people didn’t think about me anywhere near as much as I imagined.
I’ve got no problem calling their asshole behavior for what it is, because learning that I deserve respect was a huge, huge turning point in my mental and physical healing. No more assuming I must have somehow deserved that sort of treatment. They were rude and out of line, and should have been kinder and less self-absorbed. Full stop.
But I love what’s been shared here, because working on self-love and positivity truly was the way out. I’m an adult with good skin now, but I still have some skin triggers and my complexion isn’t perfect right now due to a run-in with hard water. Or sometimes I get slipped some accidental dairy or eat too much sugar and break out a bit from that. And because of being able to love and validate myself, those things don’t send me scrambling to hide in the dark like they used to.
I never used to give the mental health aspect of acne much thought – it seemed like something out of my control, but the older I’ve gotten and the more experiences I’ve gained, the more I’ve realized it’s a critical part of getting better- in all senses of the word.
I haven’t been around here so much lately, but I’m so happy to see that this blog is still up and running! I always enjoy popping back in and seeing more people being given the opportunity for help the way I was.
Hi Kit! Good to hear from you again! *hugs*
Hi Kit,
I’m so proud of you – learning and believing that we are worthy of respecting ourselves and being respected is a huge lesson. I’ve learned that when people act out of line, it’s because of their own blocks and triggers. It’s never been about you.
Lots of love to you x
C