This is part three of this three part mini-series on meditation. Click here for part one and part two.

After all this hype about meditation, I am about to walk the walk. I have been lazy beyond doubt when it comes to actually meditating regularly, and I want to change that. I no longer want acne to hold me down in any way.

I decided on using the Meditation Program system and I am going to challenge myself to meditate every single day for 2 months until I finish the program, and hopefully beyond that if I am seeing exciting results. They say that after you finish the program, you only need to listen to the tracks a few times a month to keep the benefits going.

I don’t know if that is true, and I don’t know how the program is or what will happen, but there will certainly be updates and a full review at the end.

An Update On Me

First of all, just let me tell you a little about what’s going on with me right now and why I’ve decided to do this.

I’m breaking out. Not anything like I used to, but I have a few large spots right now. I seem to go a few months with almost perfect skin, and then I may have a little stint where I break out. It always goes away although I always fear that it won’t. My skin is good, but it is not perfect all of the time.

When I’m clear, I think I’ve beat the acne. I think that I’m free, and that it no longer owns me. I feel confident and on top of the world. I can hardly imagine how obsessive and desperate I used to feel.

But every time a few new spots surface, all that fear and desperation starts to creep back in. I am very aware of it.

Suddenly, I feel my self esteem drop – it feels like a light switch. Anything else that’s going on in my life that I may have been confident about starts to become scary. I begin to doubt myself that I’m worthy to do whatever it is that I am trying to do in life at that given time.

To be honest, the irony is that I figure the reason I might be breaking out right now is because I have been so excited about this website. I’ve been working so hard on it that I’ve been slacking off on my own advice. I’m skipping meals, staying up later and later, and not moving around as much, as I am always on the computer.

I also ended up taking a round of antibiotics a few months ago for a urinary tract infection. I didn’t know what to do at the time. I really didn’t want to take the antibiotics, but I did. I regret this very much. Last month, my digestion suddenly became very poor, and has been since. Was it the antibiotics?

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what’s causing this breakout. It isn’t about antibiotics or my intestines.

It’s All About the Fear

It’s about the fear that acne instils in me to this very day… it starts to control my thoughts again and I automatically begin to start thinking about how I can control the acne. I start imagining that I’ve become sensitive to something new, or that maybe I shouldn’t have eaten this or that, or maybe I picked up a parasite from that sushi I ate.

This is really destructive behaviour. I eat a pretty healthy diet. I don’t worry about the tiny details if I go out for dinner or over to a friend’s house like I used to. But in general, I hardly eat any processed or refined foods, I don’t eat gluten or dairy, I stay away from deep fried or damaged vegetable oils, and I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, as well as greens and salads.

My diet is fine. There is no need to start nit picking. But that is just the habit that my brain has formed around these feelings of low self esteem and despair that the acne literally brings to the surface.

Anyway – back to meditation.

I obviously know the benefits, and I know what is possible for my own growth. I know that it would undoubtedly help me work through these problems with my inner self that I still encounter. I truly believe that if I put the effort in here, I would not get these intermittent breakouts. And if I did, well… it just wouldn’t matter to me any more. I would be able to transcend above it. This is the goal.

But I haven’t. I want to, and I think about it, but I’ve been lazy and just haven’t put the effort in.

If you’ve ever tried meditation, you probably know why. They say it gets easier and more fun, but frankly… I’ve never put the time in to get past the boring beginning stage; therefore, all my self esteem issues are still just sitting there waiting under the surface, lying dormant until my trigger begins to set them off, one by one.

I definitely understand why everyone decides to get a strict diet regimen going on before they ever think to work on their emotions. It just seems too abstract to possibly work. Food is something more tangible, more real. Plus… we have to eat anyway! Meditation just feels like another thing we have to add into our day when we’d rather do something else.

I’ve been meaning to work up the motivation to meditate until I truly feel the benefits.

Going For It

I finally decided that I am going to do it. This is the perfect time, as my digestion has become poor, I’m breaking out… I am tempted by my old habits and brain patterns to change my diet. But instead, I will change nothing in my diet and simply meditate instead.

This way I can see for sure how much it really affects my skin.

I tried one of the brain entrainment tracks from the Meditation Program today, and so far so good. It wasn’t nearly as boring as I had feared. It kind of sounds a bit like a quiet helicopter with some relaxing swirling noises over top of it. It was surprisingly enjoyable, much more so than any of my past attempts at meditation. I’m actually pretty excited for this whole thing.

Here’s hoping for the best! 🙂

What are some challenges or goals you can set for yourself in your journey toward better health and clear skin? Let me know in the comments below.

photo by AlicePopkorn