I’m in a big state of change, yet again.
Luke and I have just come back to Canada after spending six months living in Australia visiting with his family and attempting to pay off debts. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you might have remembered that I was having a bit of a rough time when I first arrived there.
To recap:
I move a lot. In the last six or seven years, eight months is the longest I’ve stayed in one house, and four or five is more of an average. I used to embrace this change and find it exciting. Now I can’t stand it. I’m sick of the routine of looking for a place to live, packing up, unpacking, getting used to the wall colour, the roommates, figuring out what items are missing from our collection of “stuff ” and buying them (moving is expensive!).
So now, this whole transition thing is really getting to me like it never has before. And when I arrived to Australia, I had to get used to living with Luke’s family, and then had to get used to living in someone else’s space when we moved to Newcastle and in with Luke’s friend.
For about three months, I felt like I was spiralling out. I was having a really hard time. I was feeling lonely, and very discontented. At first I didn’t understand that this was just stress from moving so much, and was just blaming others and the situation for my unhappiness (because I wasn’t in control of it). I did end up realizing it was not the situation’s fault, it was merely my reaction to it. However, I still felt that whatever was ailing me was here to stay and that unless I did something about it, it would be permanent (that’s kinda daunting, isn’t it?).
But luckily, I snapped out of it. There’s nothing else to say except that I simply got used to things. I felt so much better the last three months I was there.
But here I am again… moving. Living with my parents, feeling lazy about diet and exercise and making videos for the blog, simply because I feel like I can’t function my best in a space that is not “mine”. Trying to find a house that meets all our standards (privacy, nature, cute, cheap, central, gardens) so that we actually want to stay there a while. My mind overwhelmed thinking of all the expenditures that we need to expend in the next few months before we can just settle into domestic and financial equilibrium.
Luckily we did just find a cute one bedroom cottage that satisfied all our specifications, so at least that’s settled! But now I can’t wait another two weeks to move into it, get settled, and start onto the GAPS diet! Oh yeah, have I ever mentioned I’m very impatient, which probably doesn’t help this matter of feeling like I’m out to sea when in transition? When I want something, I want it, like, yesterday.
Anyway, I can feel myself starting on my little downward spiral again, but I’m trying to remind myself of my personal lesson from Australia: Okay, so you don’t deal with change well anymore. But you get over it. It ain’t permanent.
Case in point:
Do you remember a couple weeks ago when I was freaking out about giving up all skin makeup? And that I said that hopefully not wearing makeup would eventually become my “norm” and wouldn’t bother me anymore?
Well, guess what – it’s happened! I’ve just gotten used to it, and now I wear no makeup at all aside from a touch of mascara and it doesn’t cause me any anxiety at all. It’s fantastically lazy deliciousness 🙂
Do you deal with change well? Do you thrive on it, or does it rattle you to your soul?
29 Responses
No makeup is AWESOME
Wow, Tracy that’s amazing, I am so happy for you. I know what you mean when you talk about change. I, myself, have had to experience a lot of changes, and what I’ve learned that could help you too, is that if you’re able to be uncomfortably comfortable, then change isn’t as big a deal. Seasons change, people change, our skin changes (hopefully for the better,) and we learn to adapt!
Cheers to no make up and a life style eveb more ike our ancestral paleos’. Also I love your bookcase, I’d pay for that in a store!!
I was gonna say the same thing about the bookcase!….awesome!!! I would SO buy that! Maybe you’ve found a second career?–driftwood re-purposer! I’m about the click on the GAPS diet link, as I don’t think I’ve heard you mention this before and have no idea what it is. Congrats on finding a cute cottage!! I’m sure your next transition will turn out great!
Haha, thanks, except we were much too lazy to actually sand it down and varnish it or anything like that…. although we actually are now considering building a driftwood couch. Or maybe a driftwood horse? lol http://www.rense.com/general70/drift.htm
As for GAPS, I’ve mentioned it here and there, but I have yet to actually full out blog about it yet…. but I will! I dont know what I’m waiting for…. I guess just closer to when I start it which will be probably in the second half of April after we get all moved in… then you will learn aaaalll about it. I have high hopes for it that it will be the end to my acne once and for all. It’s not an easy diet though, so we’ll see how it goes. I don’t want to shout it too much from the rooftops until I’ve actually tried it myself!
I’ve been on a no make routine since I started my yearly vacations and it’s been great for my skin. However, I will start work soon and I cannot imagine going to work bare face, that’s a change I’m yet to master. I’ve been following your recommendations, using honey as a face cleanser and nothing else and it’s been amazing. Thanks a lot for the book!
Tracy,
I know how you feel about adapting to change! I somehow love and hate change at the same time. If I’m ever in a routine for too long, I freak! My friends have even commented that the minute something seems systematic, I feel the need to go and change it. On the other hand, moving to China and being away from my family and friends for a year has really been a struggle. I found myself needing consistency to find peace. It’s taken me a while to adapt to cooking off of one hot plate and washing dishes in my bathroom sink and only having hot water certain times of the day. That, and I could never convince myself to buy things for the apartment because I just wanted to up and move back home or somewhere more “civilized”, so it never quite felt like a home.
Time has revealed much however. I have made some of my closest friends here that are now more family than friends, I have been able to see other countries like China and Thailand and feed my inner explorer. I’ve actually found real purpose in being here. Change (initially confused with chaos) is always easy to fight at first but with time, it seems to mold us into better individuals, something that could not happen without it.
That said, I feel ya! Go with it and you see amazing things happen! Also, I’m 3 days into the GAPS intro diet and I feel pretty good. My skin is clearing out quite nicely. All the little sandpaper bumps are fading quickly. My gut is definitely thanking me for giving it a break. The broths are much more filling than I thought they would be. Soon, I’ll be on to soups with veggies. I’ll keep you posted on progress! Thanks for the post! 🙂
haha yeah I’m totally like that too… that’s why I move so much. I might *think* I want to settle down, but then as soon as I do, I’m like…. oh… gotta go do something, gotta go somewhere! But I think I’m ready to actually stay put this time, especially after how much I’ve noticed the change of moving getting to me. You’re totally right though about change being necessary for growth, and I can’t say I’ve actually regretted any of my moves. But I think there is a time for adventure, and a time for stability.
Anyway, that’s awesome that you’re having a good experience with the intro so far!! That’s wonderful 🙂
Wow, that is an amazing bookcase! You guys are very creative 🙂 And back to your topic, yes I would definitely struggle with change, but that is mainly down to the fears associated with my skin problems, like whether my skin would be affected if my situation changed. I struggle with little things, like sleeping at a friends after a night out, for fear of having to bare my face. Silly, but it’s hard to shake my way of thinking. It’s habit now. I am seriously considering hypnotherapy at this stage.. surely it’s the simpler, albeit pricey, solution!? Good luck with the move Tracy x Are you getting out your green fingers again this year?
Yes! And I plan to make some videos about how to set up a garden and all that, now that I *sorta* know what I’m doing
OM. I really needed to read this. I’m going through a major change right now…moved to SF from Seattle and in the last week got a job and had to move to LA. Still trying to find a place to live and accept I have a job. It’s really hard. So glad I’m not the only one!
Great bookcase!
I just recently heard the saying, “When one door closes, another one opens…but it is hell in the hallway!”
That is what change is like to me…hell in the hallway.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Kristin
No makeup or washing of the face is awesomely lazy! My skin is still pretty clear two months into coming off the pill (so fingers crossed) and I’ve decided to make the most of it and not bombard it with moisturisers and cleansers and makeup like I used to, and the transition has been very easy. I actually feel really good with how I look right now. Hopefully this will last, but I’m making the most of it while I can anyway.
I LOVE your bookshelf, like others have said I would buy that in a store. Moving is indeed a stressful business, but it just goes to show that you’re trying different things and not adverse to living life! I can’t wait until you report about the GAPS Diet, I’ve been very curious about it myself lately and would also like to try it in the future (I think an IgG allergy test might be something I’ll look into first though).
Thanks for sharing and congrats on finding a lovely little cottage – sounds ideal! 🙂
Actually, one of the great things about the GAPS intro diet is that not only is it a gut healing diet, it is also an elimination diet… so you get to know exactly how your body is reacting to the food you’re eating and IgG testing isn’t necessary!
Knowing my luck, I’d end up being allergic to all the butternut squash! 🙂
OMG I want this bookcase!!! Really awesome:)
Tracy,
Great article and (as I commented on facebook briefly) great timing as I move to Berlin in ten days. Finishing up 8 months abroad in Amsterdam and moving on to do my undergrad thesis in Berlin…SO glad to be done with the vacationesque limbo of exchange student life! I’m just pumped to go to a place where I can meet people and not worry about how many months I’ve got left until I leave them. I know every reader really appreciates how open you are in your articles and many points hit home. It looks like you have a lot to be excited about in your new transition, enjoy the adventure!!
I’ve got a question about food. There is endless (justified) hype about there about Paleo-esque diets like the GAPS diet, but I’m wondering if, other than basically your candida cleanse plan, there is a vegetarian diet out there that can have similar benefits. Ever since I discovered your site, I’ve been eating super clean and my only grains have been rice, buckwheat and quinoa. I haven’t consumed meat since I was six and I just can’t see myself eating meat again…maybe one day when I’ve got enough $$ for quality stuff I’ll go for salmon. Anyways, just wondering what your thoughts are on Paleo type diets without the meat and bone broth and all that stuff. Thanks for your help, sorry for the super long comment, your feedback is much appreciated!!
GAPS isn’t Paleo. there’s some overlapping (overlapping probably means it’s unhealthy for everyone,) but there’s some GAPS foods that’s definitely not Paleo and vice versa.
You can do paleo without bone broth because bone broth isn’t required on paleo 😛
If you were asking if you can do a vegetarian GAPS diet – not really. GAPS places a LOT of emphasis on animal foods, especially animal fats and organ meats. the only way I see a GAPS-type diet working as a veggie would be to consume high ALA veggies and nuts, copious amounts of coconut oil and eat very large amounts of raw egg yolks and butter since liver wouldn’t be included. You would basically need to be eating all day long to meet the specific high nutritional requirements of a GAPS diet and that seems like a lot of stress. We don’t want food to rule our lives. We want to be free from the shackles of the food industry, but we also shouldn’t be focusing much on food when we’re not eating or not hungry.
Thanks for the informative response Sampson! I appreciate it. You’re right, I shouldn’t have lumped Paleo and GAPS together. I guess I meant they are both in the category of truly natural, nutrient dense diets that give the body foods it was meant to have. I actually already do consume high ALA veggies (avg 2 avocados per day), lots of coconut oil and butter and lots of eggs (though always cooked)…I do take liver tabs/pills, just cant get myself to actually eat the stuff! I’m a former college wrestler so I actually enjoy eating all day !! It definitely is hard to kick the carb addiction, of course. I’ll be the first to admit I can’t get by without copious amounts of buckwheat pasta…anyways thanks for giving your thoughts on that above, I’ll continue to give it a shot!! And to F. GO German based blog followers!
Well Tracy, in case you wanna come to Germany, you know there’s a couch and a blender for you here 🙂
My psychologist put me on accutane because I was so desperate and could not live with my skin situation anymore, I really could not, it threw me right back into a deep, deep depression. Despite the fact that I was eating well. Well, if my skin was like yours is now, I would certainly not wear make up for it is much more beautiful like that. Hugs to you!
PS_happy that you received the parcel 🙂
I always wanted to see myself as someone who likes change and loves traveling, but over the past ten years of my life I had to realize that maybe I’m more attached to certain things than I’d like to and change isn’t that easy. Last big change for me was (after living in Switzerland for 7 years) moving back to Germany. And from there on the road got super bumpy. I imagined that I would have a feeling of coming home only to notice that by now Switzerland might be more of a home for me. I’ve really had a rough time for more than a year now and it doesn’t seem to stop. I seem to be at war with my situation and I can’t seem to figure it out. Two months ago I finally found a part time freelance job..and now I lost it already. I would even say I became a mobbing victim, something that had never happened to me before. it’s just awful and I don’t know how to process it. maybe it was not “real” mobbing, but they were careless about me and it seemed that I couldn’t do anything right for them although I was really sweating for them.
it’s a blessing in disguise in a way, because the work did suck. the horrible thing is, that they didn’t tell me, that they were not happy with me, instead they stopped communicating with me until I decided to quit and confront them.
we also have to move apartments very soon, something I’m looking forward to this time, because it’s going to be bigger in nicer than this one.
so I am here, with no income again, having to move apartments and feeling extremely insecure after this awful job situation. so turmoil isn’t permanent, but sometimes it seems to extend. one thing that I can learn right not is how not to fall back into intense skin-picking. my stress level is high and my self confidence is low, which are the perfect preconditions for picking on myself. but not this time!
Stay strong Eva !
Thank you for the support, Tracy!!
I really like the way you articulate this Tracy. The stress of not having a stable community isn’t addressed enough. I always find the first 3 months of a new job very unsettling, which I’m going through right now.
Like you, a house with all the correct “specifications” helps me to reduce that stress significantly. We’re currently between houses, we’ve sold our last one, but are renting while we find our next house. I hate this in between feeling and like you, am much less motivated to do a lot of things. It’s a very good excuse to put things off.
I think others might criticize me for being “picky” about houses, but I know that it’s the most important factor for me. Where I live really is a big part of how I define myself. Like you said, it’s all about feeling like you are relatively in control of your environment/situation. To balance that, the need for community, and the fear of “settling down” is certainly bewildering.
Welcome to the no make-up club! I appreciated your post and your honesty.
“simply because I feel like I can’t function my best in a space that is not “mine”.”
Right on! This is why I finally decided to make a decision that I am moving to Chicago. My aim is June 5, the day after I have to be here in Grand Rapids, MI for Jury Duty!
You’ll get used to your new place quickly. You may have been down for a while in Australia but things seemed to be going great for you for a while! Your blog is really growing! Keep it up!
Ok. I need to take a deep breath before I write this.
I have been following your blog for a while, but in the past 6 months or so, I haven’t. I am glad to be back here and caring about myself, again, which is what this blog is for me, something to help me care.
Recently I came out of a 2 year relationship. I moved to Kentucky in Nov. of 2011 from College. I am from New York, so it was very very very hard for me to adjust to country living. But we were happy for a while and then things got BAD. BAD!
We both could not be with each other, and this was the first time I was ever in a long relationship. Now when I think about him I cry, and cry and cry. I am 23 now, and I feel like I have wasted a good part of a year worrying, stressing, and feeling bad for myself. Anyway, I let my boyfriends parents (whom we were living next door to) influence me into thinking I needed medication, and I ended up abusing it because of my OCD. I have always been very picky about my food, diet, etc. and tried to always explain to them why I didn’t want to eat their family meals, why I like fermenting food, and for some reason they thought something was wrong with me. All of this stressed me out because I really just wanted them to like me. But they didn’t. I became very skinny (something I liked) but I was stressed and tired and weak and sick.
I don’t want to write a novel here, but long story short. My stress became evident and pain became an everyday struggle. I was light years away from my home and with strange people who did not respect me or my lifestyle choices. I have a problem with hating myself, constantly, looking in mirrors and feeling down about my situation. My mother finally came on my birthday, drove all the way to Kentucky in the end of September to pick me up. There is tons of transition that I have had to get used to here, and I feel upset, like you, that sometimes its uncontrollable. I don’t know how to get over the pain, the rejection, and the hurt that I feel everyday. I know I need support and I am really glad you have this blog so I can care again.
Hi M – my heart is with you in these stressful times!! Sounds like you’re going through a lot. My advice would be to just go with the flow, and realize that it’s okay to feel like this. You have a reason to, and it’s normal. Reading this article and the suggestions in it might help you: https://thelovevitamin.com/5043/do-you-want-to-be-happy-stop-trying-to-be-happy/
Hey Tracy,
Thank you for your kind words. I really liked that article as is actually sort of relevant to a book I have been reading called “The Emotional Life of your BRAIN” by Richard J. Davidson. He is more sciency and goes into a lot of explanations regarding the actual parts of your brain (frontal lobe, cortex, etc) And apparently it is scientifically proven that those that suffer from Depression or negative thoughts have smaller brain regions than people that do not. I found this interesting, because I think people that struggle with self confidence issues are usually on the negative end of the spectrum, I know I am. Since the break up, I have trouble trusting anyone, (not that I ever truly did before) but it is especially horrible now because for about a month now I think I have just been cooping myself up. I am trying to get out of my little bubble and force myself to do things I am uncomfortable with, so I can become comfortable, but I am curious to see if my trauma will subside or if it will just manifest into something else. Have you ever looked into hypnosis therapy? I really want to try it, but I am probably just over thinking.
Hi M – Although I have never personally tried hypnosis (although I intended to, but it didn’t pan out), I did write an article about it once because I made a new friend who was a hypnotist and spoke to him about using hypnosis to treat emotional issues related to the skin: https://thelovevitamin.com/943/could-hypnosis-help-with-your-skin-troubles/
Anyway, I definitely don’t think it’s something that is too ‘extreme’ or anything – it’s meant to help you with whatever emotional issues you’re having, and you are having emotional issues! no need to deny that or discount it.