So, I’ve made a pact with myself to be happy.
Remember in last Friday’s post, I talked about having a “safety net” when it comes to your acne? In other words – the one thing that you rely on to keep acne at bay as long as you are doing it consistently?
Read the post if you haven’t read it.
While writing that, I decided that what I really want to do is switch my safety net from food to happiness.
I want to truly believe that if I am happy, then my acne will stay away, or at least stay at the mild level. My biggest irrational fear, of course, is that if I get a little bit of acne, it will inevitably turn to more acne if I am not vigilant and constantly worrying about it.
The worrying likely has the opposite effect though. Worrying = stress and stress = acne.
After I wrote that post, I actually felt elated! I was excited. I felt like YES!!! I can do this. I can be happy. I can believe that happiness is my security net, and I can be happy – no matter what my skin is doing. I was excited and felt passionate about cultivating emotional well being.
And then I was happy and worry free.
For two days.
Two glorious days.
Now I am right back to my old habits.
So… I guess it’s not just going to come to me that easily. It’s HARD being happy!!
So anyway, I was thinking – maybe I should define for you what being happy really means. Or at least what it means to me. What my goal here really is. Because “being happy” is pretty abstract.
I suppose the best way to define being happy is like a “light, joyous feeling”. It’s probably different for everyone, but I’d like to think everyone has had moments in their lives when they can say that they have been truly happy?
Obviously you aren’t going to be jumping for joy every minute (well, maybe you can be??), but I suppose “contentment” is a better word for every day existence. A light, secure, content feeling.
Anyway… there are plenty of things that are important to happiness: having a roof over your head, good food, close friends, and personal goals and a purpose in life. I feel like I have those. But what about that extra oomph I need to push myself over the edge into blissful existence? The things that I’ve been missing?
I feel like this graphic I saw on Facebook today pretty much sums it up:
And here are some particular factors that I believe contribute to me being happy and content:
Living the Majority of Your Life In the Present Moment
I think this is one the biggest things, and one that I find personally very significant.
You see, rarely are we ever really “present” in our lives. We do many, many of our daily activities on autopilot, while our minds wander off to the past or the future. 90% of your worries are about things that happened in the past or may happen in the future, so the more time you spend in the present moment, the less you are going to worry.
Plus the more time you spend in the present, the more you get out of life. The more you feel like you are living it. You are enjoying life’s pleasures. You are tasting the flavours of your food. You’re feeling the silky water run over you as you shower. You are getting shivers as you listen to your favourite song. You are appreciating the beauty of nature.
Personally I think that the more of life’s little pleasures you can enjoy, the more we will realize how awesome being alive is (and that pimples suck but they really don’t matter that much in the scheme of things).
Anyway…. read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle if you haven’t already. It’s awesome.
But yeah. This one is really hard for me. My mind is usually running a mile a minute. I’m always thinking of what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m not. While I’m doing one thing, I think about what I’m going to do next, or what I’m going to eat for dinner that night. I’m planning out my future.. Or I’m just daydreaming about some random conversation or event that has no significance on anything that I’m doing, and just serves to take me away from the moment.
And of course, when I get a little zit, I can almost always handle the reality of having the pimple now…. but I can’t handle the fear that it will get worse in the future.
Being Productive and Non-Procrastinatory
Is procrastinatory a real word?
Anyway, I don’t know if this is important to everyone’s happiness, but it seems to be to mine. As I said above, I’m always worrying about things that I feel I should be doing but I’m not. I find that if I am very productive and don’t procrastinate on the things I need to do, then I feel really awesome about myself.
Case in point: I wish I had written this blog post this morning, but instead I spent all morning rearranging photos in my iPhoto album. I liked it, but I wasn’t really enjoying it, because all I was thinking about is how I should have been doing this instead and feeling guilty about it.
PS – for those of you who also struggle with procrastination (most likely of the Facebook type), this free app called “Self Control” was the best thing I ever downloaded. Lets you block certain websites for a set amounts of time, and once it’s going, you can’t turn it off even by restarting your computer. It’s amazing. I feel so FREE after I block facebook and gmail for the day. Btw, the app’s for Macs but I’m sure there’s similar ones for PCs.
Not to Get Stressed by Stress
I do this one all the time. I get upset over something. And then I get upset because I’m upset.
Being nice to yourself is important! I want to make the goal to treat myself like a friend.
Think about a friend of yours that you dearly love and what you would do or think if that person was getting stressed or sad or upset over some little thing – like their appearance, or beating themselves up for procrastinating (like I do). You wouldn’t give them a hard time. You’d just go ‘hey. It’s okay. Here’s a hug.’ No judgment given.
Actually WANTING To Be Happy
We all say we want to be happy – but do we really?
The thing is, I feel like a lot of the time we’d rather be the victim. We want to feel sorry for ourselves. Sometimes being unhappy or pissed off or sad gives us this weird sense of satisfaction. Or maybe just because it’s way easier that way because that’s what we’re used to.
I don’t know, but if you really want to be happy, you have to actually want it. You have to be willing to let go of the victim mentality, which isn’t so easy.
—-
Okay, those four things were just what I came up with off the top of my head because that was how I was feeling after I wrote Friday’s post and made my pact to be happy.
I made a point to focus on my present moment. I was fully aware of what I was doing. I ate my food whilst not zoning out in front of the computer and really focused on it. I watched birds fly. I didn’t worry about my skin. I was super productive. And I didn’t give myself a hard time about anything. As a result of all this, I felt excited and light and joyful and purposeful. I legitimately WANTED happiness.
Sigh. But then the fear started creeping back in and that was the end of that.
Last night we didn’t have much food for dinner, so I thought…. maybe I should have a sandwich. Then I noticed how much the idea of eating wheat freaked me out. Hm. Safety net definitely not switched over from food yet.
Then I got a pimple and the same old lightning bolt of fear struck. And then I fell right back into procrastination mode. And then my mind wandered off.
Ah well…. I guess I should keep number three going and not be so hard on myself! It’s going to be a process. A definite process. I’m not sure that, for most people, pure happiness is something that just ‘happens’ – it needs to be cultivated.
But it’s awesome when I get glimpses of the elated and happy life – because then I know it’s SO possible!! It’s there for the taking, I just have to figure out how to keep my grip on it.
What does being happy mean to you?
A very grounding and somewhat inspiring blogpost Tracy!
As I read about the productive side of things, I too realise that being productive makes me really happy. Like, what have I achieved today? Now if I ask myself that, I’m fairly pleased with what I have achieved, but like you, I felt ‘bad’ because I should have really sent of my CV for jobs so that I can get work experience for my studies… The prospect of going into the real world scares me because the industry I’m going into (Architecture) is extremely competitive and it’s even hard to find job, let alone get paid for it as well!
I definitely feel that living in the moment or present is the key to reducing stress and simply being happy. Worrying about not having a job in 4 months isn’t going to help me right now, but doing things that make me happy and I know will eventually aid my career and life will make me happy. I know I’ll get there in the end which I think is just as important.
Coming down from being happy is of course stressful and upsetting, but I think that if you keep doing what makes you happy (or just being out in nature) will reduce stress and let you be “free”. I guess this is where preparation and a little planning comes into play such as what is for lunch today but if you really think about it, I’m sure there is something you can eat and the meal situation isn’t as great as it first seems.
I too have ‘The power of now’, but I haven’t quite got into it. I will make a start though because I’ve realised over the past few weeks that living in the present really works!
P.S I also find that editing/taking/arranging photos to be really fun and makes me happy too 🙂
Start reading it! It’s such a good book. Explains the concept of living in the present moment so well 🙂
I wish you luck with finding a job! That’s another thing I need to cultivate – faith in the universe that it’s all going to work out in the end. “If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end!”
Being happy means not trapped in any worries or insecurities. Being completely open to life and knowing yourself and how to stay sane in the world. I definitely have NOT got there yet 🙁
Me neither, but we’ll get there one day. Love ♥
I hope so :’)
Just be careful, you don’t want to become stressed because you aren’t happy! I don’t really believe its possible to be completely content and happy every single day all day in this world. There are going to be days when you don’t feel great, or you want to drift to the past, or look to the future. That doesn’t mean you should stop making an effort to live in the present or try and be happy! Anything, even if its really good can be over-done and analysed to the point of it losing its good qualities. Be happy, but don’t feel bad when you don’t reach the stage of perfect happiness every single day for the rest of your life..don’t mean to be a downer, but that’s just not very realistic. The fun and meaning and growth in life comes from all the different emotions and happenings in daily life. Striving for all-time perfect, blissful happiness is like striving for ultimate perfection in every little thing you do… don’t let it consume you! Great post though btw 🙂
Lol – you’re right. I guess that goes along with ‘don’t stress over stress’. I know that exuberant happiness isn’t too realistic, but I think that contentment is – and if stressful things come along, having the ability to deal with them effectively and move on.
You bring up a good point though -I know one thing they always say is that you should never deny your feelings… you should feel everything, and just let things be as they are……… completely accept yourself as is. … bad feelings and all. On the other hand, if you don’t try to be happy, then you’ll just keep doing the same things over and over again that you’ve always done and get no where… more paradoxes o_0
I started to read The Power of Now but I found it hard to get into. I will give it another try soon though. I really need to get out of the mindset of “when I’m free of skin problems then everything will be fine” and try and be fine and happy now, but it’s very difficult! Right now I’m looking forward to going on holidays (in Canada actually :)) but I’m stressed about all the things I have to do before I go and my skin hasn’t been that cooperative lately either, which is just making my efforts to be positive that bit more strained :/. Oftentimes I just wish I could run away from everything and go live on a desert island (I’m a rather solitary/independent person anyway) – I think that would be happiness haha!
I’ve also been reading a book about EFT and Matrix reimprinting – basically using EFT and then going another step further to change how you feel. It’s very interesting too, but again seems to be quite difficult for me to even finish the book let alone implement its ideas.
I love these posts about emotions and happiness etc, emotional welfare is so often overlooked when it comes to skin problems; and I think you’re in my head right now with these posts, they’re following a line of thought that I’ve been acquainting myself with for the past year and a half 🙂
Thanks Laura, I’m glad you like them. I find them really inspring to write, and it helps me stay on track with implementing the ideas by keeping it in my mind 🙂
Spot on, there. Being in the moment is The Only Way I know of to reliably reinstate the experience of happiness. (And when I say ‘happiness,’ I mean the ability to feel myself and act out of a sense of liberty rather than fear.) To be happy is to flow through time with gratitude.
The first time I ever thought about my ability (or even the possibility) to choose happiness was when my mother suggested I try a gratitude journal. Being super non-sappy (really, non-happy), I was resistant, but I found myself carrying it out in my own way, recapping positive elements of my life and reevaluating less positive… It was all very ephemeral, but it helped me to gain some wider perspective in terms of what really makes or ruins a day or a life. Soon after beginning the journal, I found myself noticing funny little (and big) coincidences that I might not have noticed if I weren’t paying extra-close attention to positive elements of my life.
But, soon enough, I encountered a crisis (a really devastating event), and I found that my gratitude journal was my saving grace. Through it, and only through it, I was able to discern this magical little thread through life: the present moment. If I remained in the present, and tried my very best to focus on enjoying it and learning, *I was safe.*
The safety net… You can always choose the present moment, and in so doing, you are choosing life; you are choosing to embrace whatever energies you need to notice, and you are choosing to become strong enough to live WELL through anything. Tragedies can be instructive for this very reason (as Bobby discussed a few weeks back); if we can grow through the pain, we become empowered by the knowledge that we CAN smile even when it seems like we ought not do any such thing… And not only CAN we smile, we actually are improved people for doing so. If you can free yourself in the middle of a tragedy, recognizing that (as you have said in your blaming-unhappiness video) we are in control of our reactions,… You’re free for life. It’s the reminding that gets hard. Everything about our modern society shouts at us to worry, worry, worry… to berate ourselves, and to plan. But, really, all of this is totally unnecessary. You’ll be okay if you believe it. And if you’re not, you’re still better off than you would be if you were upset on top of the circumstances.
My mom always reminds me, “This, too, shall pass.” It’s so true. Do you want to have worried and regretted your life away when it’s all passed? Not a chance! Every day spent thinking TOO hard becomes a day empty of other joys. <3
Thanks for this Annie – this was beautiful 🙂
It’s funny how you always write about things that are really relevant to me at a certain time! Like this one. This past week I sort of let myself go and I was not that much afraid to really be myself. I don’t know what happened to me after more than 20 years of shyness, but I finally managed to escape my ego (for a while anyway). I stopped to look at the sky or to admire a beautiful flower and didn’t care about how i look to other people. I was really present in my life (not 100%, but so what). I allowed myself to look foolish and make mistakes and not really care. And when I fucked up I was really gentle with myself and just said “oh well, you’ll do better next time”. I don’t think it’s a permanent state, but at least I know it’s there.
And then you write about the same thing I was just experiencing. The Law of Attraction, I guess.
Anyway, I love your blog and I love you! (And I’m not used to saying that to other people. Maybe this is a start:)
It’s so funny when we get these little glimpses of happiness – of letting go – and just being. It seems so simple, but it’s so hard to keep it going as the old patterns begin to creep in. It’s nice though to know that it’s there and it is possible!
PS- I love you too!!
Aww all this Love and Sharing going around… all you guys are really awesome and it’s making me happy lol. Tracy I love your post and I love the “family” feel I get from reading all the comments from everyone. Long distance hugs!! ♥
It’s interesting how that works: really the Law of Attraction… 🙂 I just saw that movie “The Secret” a couple of days ago, and it’s central theme is the Law of Attraction, and how you can build a happy life with positive thinking and happy feelings. there’s some things that I think are rather disputable there, but the core idea is really appealing and coincides with this post. Remembering the blessings and things to be thankful for in life really helps to be happy and content. and thank you for this post Tracy 🙂
I really need to do a blog post on the law of attraction!
I just saw this blog entry posted on FB about being Happy! It reminded me of your post, Tracy, and wanted to pass it on! (she makes it sounds so EASY! LOL) Love, -Misty
http://wendykeller.com/featured/how-to-be-happy-again/
Thanks Misty! That’s a great article 😀
Did you read her life story? It’s pretty crazy… lady lost two children… helps to read things like that from time to time to put any problems I have in perspective!
Happiness
I don’t remember when was the last time i was truly happy . But I still remember the last day of my 8th grade . No acne and insomnia that time . I spent the whole year making fun of teacher sitting with my best friend , getting thrown out of the class and hitting on girls together (not in a offensive way ). Anyway a day before the result was about to come out i spend the whole night talking to my mom, watching the scary movie series for the first time laughed heartedly . The next day me and my buddy got the highest grades in class even got punished even on the last day. Though after finding out that we were the top scorers she sent us back to our seats.
My friend told me that he had proposed to his crush and she said yes , I was truly happy for him (not even a pinch of jealousy seriously) . That was his last day at school too he switched school after that. When i arrived home for the 1st time I had nothing to worry about nothing to do . That was happiness for me .
anyway I wanted to write it out so i did
I read your post to which btw is very true , a bit difficult to apply but not impossible. I have to focus on the stress part