So, right now, in the middle of my forehead, I have a big swelly zit. Not the kind that looks like a volcano and has a pussy white head… no, it’s the swelly kind that is sort of red, but does not have a head and probably never will. The kind of zit that you should never EVER even dream of squeezing. What are they called? Nodules, I guess.

Anyway… I do from time to time still deal with smatterings of the “normal” pimples… what are they called.. papules? No… pustules, I think. Ew, all the names are pretty gross.

But I don`t get these kind anymore.

So basically this is depressing me. This is the first one of its kind that I’ve gotten since I’ve been clear from my severe acne. These were the type of spots I used to get on my chin when my acne was more mild, and when they increased in frequency was when I would get fed up and go on an “acne diet“. They cleared up for months at a time afterwards and that was that. Easy – when your lifestyle is pretty poor.

But what happens when I`m already living a healthy lifestyle?

Nothing, I suppose. Wait it out. Deal with the emotions. Realize it`s not the end of the world and it`ll go away.

But I can`t help it… I get anxious – as though this is a dark, ominous sign of things to come.

Rationally, I know it’s probably not. It’ll pass like always.

In fact, I know it’s completely just a psychological thing. I mean…what does it REALLY matter… honestly? I can easily cover it up with a bit of makeup. I have a boyfriend who loves me and knows all about my skin troubles, and doesn`t care if I have acne. But… BUT… now I have a website about acne! I`m the guru now. I`m supposed to have perfect skin…. right?

You people are depending on me to have beautiful skin at all times. I can`t show up on camera with a big swelly zit!! Can I?

But then I think… who is really putting the pressure on me to be perfect? you guys… or me?

Then I go and get a little more sinister and think maybe I`m breaking out because lately I`ve been feeling slightly overwhelmed with the blog… I begin to wonder if I will be able to keep up with it as it gets more popular, and my self esteem starts to plummet. My skin begins to break out as a way to help me sabotage myself from actually succeeding at something that I love and enjoy.

Ooookaaay, so I still need to work on some things.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I`m not perfect! There, I said it. My skin isn`t perfect.

To be honest… even though I break out sometimes still, I`m overall pretty happy with my skin. It`s amazing compared to what it was like a year ago. And I`ve dealt with mild acne most of my life and while it bothered me, it never ruined my life or kept me from doing things I wanted. Why should mild acne ruin my life now?

It does somehow feel different because I do put a lot of effort into living a healthy life, which I didn`t before. Sometimes it feels unfair that I still get acne. But I realize that some people are just very acne prone, and I am, unfortunately, one of them. If you are less acne prone, with mild to moderate acne, you can probably get completely clear with the same amount of effort I put into my health. But if your skin is capable of getting quite severe like mine was, then maybe a couple of zits shouldn`t really be a big deal in the long run.

Perhaps if I were even stricter with my diet, stricter with my exercise, stricter with my meditation, stricter with this, or that… maybe I wouldn`t have mild acne. But is that worth it? To me – not really. I already experienced being a total nut job about my diet, and I was miserable. I`d rather live a healthy, yet manageable lifestyle and have some spots.

It`s not about the spots anyway, it`s how we feel about them and imagine that they are doing to us. In this case, I imagine that I`m losing credibility with my readers. Is it true? Probs not.

In your case, do you imagine that people are staring at your spots? That they`re looking down on you? That your acne is making you repulsive to the opposite sex?

And do you really know for sure if any of that is actually true?

Ohhhh, imagination. The things you`ll do to us.