Hey dudes and dudettes,
I was thinking about something. It’s got to do with both of my last articles – the one about “How to Start Loving Yourself” , and my very last article, which was the guest post by Stefan – a young man who took Accutane when he was 15 and is still living with severe side effects 7 years later.
I was pondering… has Stefan forgiven the Roche Company (the people who manufactured Accutane) for what they’ve done to him?
He has every right to be angry with them. If he hadn’t taken their drug his life would probably be a lot different. Probably a heck of a lot better. Now, I don’t know Stefan really well or know where he is on his personal journey – so forgive me, Stefan, for speculating about it and don’t take any of this personally – but I’m thinking he’s probably holding a bit of a grudge. I think most would be.
In a way this is good… his anger may be fuelling his drive to tell the world about his experience and as a result, really truly make a difference in other people’s lives. That’s rad.
On the other hand, holding onto the grudge can have some negative side effects for yourself.
Why It’s Best Not to Hold Grudges
When someone or something has done you wrong, it can be really easy to let the anger and vengeance build up until these negative emotions take over, and you are swallowed up by your bitterness and sense of injustice.
Once you get to that point, it’s really hard to let it go.
It’s hard to let go because if someone or something else is to blame for your problems, then the responsibility is off you. So it’s much easier to pass the blame.
But it IS their fault, I can hear you say.
Yeah I know. Don’t worry though. You don’t have to blame yourself instead. This isn’t about creating more blame. And you still don’t have to like whoever did you wrong. Stefan doesn’t have to go have dinner and drinks with the president of Roche, meet the family, and pet the dog. He can still tell the world of his plights and how evil they are in the name of good. That’s okay.
But not forgiving those who have done you wrong on a personal level really only keeps you hurting. You are just handing them the power to keep making you feel bad. And you think they SUCK, so you don’t want to give them the power, do you?
What Happens When You Hold a Grudge
This is why you don’t want to hold a grudge:
- You might bring your anger into every new relationship and experience
- You might not be able to enjoy the present because you are so wrapped up in the past
- You might suffer from depression and anxiety as you hold onto the anger
But let’s go back to the thing about responsibility. Why do you want take responsibility if it’s their fault?
Well, because, they can’t fix you. They can’t help you. They aren’t going to make your life any better by you staying mad at them. Hating them only makes things hard.
But YOU can fix your life. You have the power. You can improve your situation and move into a happier and more peaceful state of mind. But until you choose to become the creator of your own reality and take full responsibility for your own happiness, there’s no way you can get there. You will never put in the 100% effort to do so unless you take 100% responsibility.
That means you have to forgive them. Sorry.
It’s Myself I’m Mad At
So, many times it can actually be that you’re holding a grudge against yourself, and not someone or something external.
You might be mad at yourself for failing that exam, saying something stupid, missing that perfect opportunity, losing your temper, hurting someone, making a big mistake, or not being smart enough.
You could also be angry with yourself for having acne. In fact, I think many of us are angry with our bodies for betraying us by giving us this stupid, annoying, piss pot curse called acne.
Again, we have to forgive ourselves for being imperfect souls, or we can never move on to take the full responsibility for our own happiness. And part of being truly happy is LOVING YOURSELF!!! It’s kinda hard to love yourself and be mad at yourself at the same time. So you have to let yourself off the hook.
Unfortunately, forgiving yourself can often be tougher than forgiving someone else.
How to Forgive Yourself For Having Acne
- Set the intention that you will forgive yourself for having imperfect skin. Say it out loud.
- On a piece of paper, write down all your anger – why you’re mad at yourself for having it and how it makes you feel. Really get in touch with the emotions. Feel them, and label them.
- Thank the emotions for teaching you what you needed to learn from them, and say out loud that you now choose to release them into the light for cleansing.
- Burn the piece of paper
- Celebrate by doing something nice for yourself that makes you feel wonderful
Watch Me Talk About Forgiveness Yourself in Video
Are you angry with yourself for having acne? Could you forgive yourself for it?
40 Responses
I’m blaming heavy metal intoxication, mercury amalgame fillings, vaccines :[
Hi Bea – do you forgive those things? Could you?
Thank you for these beautiful and truthful words! I will have to try the writing it down method for releasing some anger about acne! Never quite thought of it that way..Its true, that we can become angry at ourselves for having acne.. Ive heard many times about journeling your feelings, but have yet to try it?! Do you do it often Tracy? I just hope it helps:
much love
Yep, I think journalling out your feelings is one of the best ways to get out anger so that you don’t take it out on yourself. I used to journal a lot but then this blog kind of became my journal, especially about my acne related frustrations!!
I have used minocycline for over 10yrs now. Started in my early 20’s, per the doctor’s recommendation. After that, it was simply renewed continuously, by any doctor I went to.
No one informed me – and I do take responsibility for not asking more questions or researching more initially – however, over the past decade, not one doctor has warned me about any side effects of taking an ‘antibiotic’ long-term, especially for 10yrs. In my 20’s, I did not fully understand that I was simply taking an antibiotic that could cause long-term damage to my digestive tract and among other issues. No one mentioned that should I ever try to stop taking it, I would have acne even worse than when I started taking the drug… severe acne. Now I cannot quit taking it because my skin will scar and the acne would be unbearable.
Just over a year ago, a dermatologist finally mentioned concern over the fact that I had been taking this for about 10 years. She also told me that some people get bluish-greyish spots on their skin sometimes from pro-longed use. Nice, I thought. One more thing to worry about… there are some questionable bluish spots on my legs that I have noticed in the past year.
I am going to try weaning off of it at the end of December and will be trying Tracy’s candida cleanse diet the week of Jan 7th. I am scared to quit taking it, and how my skin will handle it, but I have to somehow get off of this antibiotic.
I am frustrated that western doctors are not more focused on holistic solutions, rather than simply medicating symptoms. I wish I had been better informed and also guided in a holistic direction complementary to any treatments, including diet, exercise, mental and spiritual health.
Hey Salle – I totally feel ya… the medical system is so awful in that regard. They totally disregard the dangers of some medications and as a result can really mess people up!! I’m sorry what they did to you. Would you ever be able to forgive them and let go of that anger?
Hi Salle I just want to encourage you in stopping medication. I too was on numerous meds, not just one, for a while, and when they said Accutane was my last resort, I said NO WAY! I recently came off antibiotics, but I quit cold turkey, and did a full body cleanse. My face did break out pretty bad initially for about a month, but now, my face is healing rather quickly, and not to mention, I feel better than I have in years! I know my body still has a lot of healing to do, but it’s been worth it. And the healing hasn’t been as long as I thought it would! I just encourage you to continue to weaning yourself off and eventually your face will heal!!!
Hi, this is for Heather and Salle, I also was taking minocycline for about 3years, not as long as Salle, but before that dermatologists had me on other antibiotics off and on since I was 15 and I am now 23… so two months ago I quit taking the minocycline and I did Tracy’s cleanse this past one, and I do feel better like Heather. My skin seems to be able to heal itself better now, I still break out quite a bit and I’ve only been cleansing for about 2 weeks but I’m going to stick with it because it is way better than going to Accutane (I almost did it as well over this past summer but something in my gut told me not to do it) I just want to say I’m really glad that there is someone else out there who took these for so long and is going through the same thing because I totally understand you, and no one told me they were bad to take long term either, and when I found out I was so upset. Hang in there everybody, I believe the natural way is the way to go 🙂
I recommend starting tons of probiotics and doing some of the candida cleanse stuff now and to wean very slowly off the antibiotics like over 3-4 months if you don’t want your skin t get worse when you go off them. That’s what I did. The first time I went off the antibiotics (2-3 week taper) my skin freaked out horribly within a few months and i was right back on them for another 2 years almost. And keep up the probiotics for a long long time after that. See what parts of the candida diet work for you to maintain after your cleanse. Dairy was a big one for me.
Just think of it as that people with acne haven’t got it the worst. Think of the other people who have diseases much worse than us. Take for example a person who’s just been told he/she has cancer and has days/weeks to live. People who have physical pain in their bodies 24/7.
Not being bad but if you imagine it like that then you’ll hate yourself less 🙂
Hey Sufyan, yeah it’s totally good to get some perspective sometimes and realize that it sucks, but there’s other stuff that could suck a lot more.
Hi Tracy,
I’ve been following your blog for more than a year and this is my first post ever, though I read all of your articles (from Mexico, now I live in the US)
Anyway, I can relate with your journey through healing acne and seeing this video just brings a big smile to my face because I have also found out that you are the one that chooses to feel better no matter what, to simply love yourself.
I used oral contraceptives for almost four years until I felt a pressure in my ears and immediately knew that it was because of these pills. I stopped taking this pills, the pressure in my ears stopped and then came the hormonal acne. And it’s been a fight since the summer of 2011. Searching for the magic treatment, lotion, etc to make this disappear and nothing has worked (completely,) it keeps coming back.
But now looking back I can see that thanks to having acne I started to used products without chemicals, I also started to take care of what I eat (your green smoothie is one of my favorites) and also to heal my spirit 🙂 and trust that my face will heal it self (just started the cave man regimen) maybe the best thing to do, is nothing at all lol
Anyway if there’s any one interested, this is the movie that changed my way of seeing things http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwyfwIbluWM&feature=player_embedded
Thanks for everything you do Tracy
Love and light,
Abril
Hi Abril, sorry to hear you’re suffering with the dratted post-Birth Control Pill acne – check out one of my old posts about weaning off the birth control pill… the ladies discussing it in there are totally awesome, and will help you out with suggestions for what to try: https://thelovevitamin.com/769/can-you-wean-off-the-birth-control-pill/ – thanks for breaking the silence and sharing your story with us 🙂 I’ll check out the video you linked!
Thanks so much! There are some awesome comments that make me feel more relaxed about this post-BCP acne 🙂
Hey Salle,
Just wanted to also congratulate you in quiting antibiotics!
I started breaking out with pimples at about the age of 14.. I thought the thing to do was turn to a dermatoligist and was also encouraged my family to try and seek help.. I went to the same derm 3xs and was prescribed topical tazorac. It never seemed to help my face and just made it red and irritated! I was becoming desperate and frustrated and thought more product or a stronger one was the answer!!!
Finally at the the age of 21 upon entering nursing school.. I had enough and my grandmother encouraged me to go see this derm.. Ihe prescribed me antibiotics and bc! I took these faithfully for a year and
half..even though it made me very sensitive to the sun and hurt my stomach terribly and made me nauseous.. It did my acne at bay, but wasnt worth the sideefdects and longterm damage!
In short. Its frustrating to know that im a nurse and went through nursing school and beleived so much in a western medical approach was it all! I feel so deceived and angry over how much money i wasted on derms and over the counter products!
I know tracys blog was an answer to prayer, because when i was at my lowest.. I cried out to God and that very same day.. I discovered her site and she was doing the caveman.. My face is not perfect, but im flad to know my body will thankful me in years to come!
Sorry so long everyone, but its something i had to get let go! Whew
Thanks again Tracy
Thanks for sharing your story Kim! It’s funny how sometimes the world just kind of gives you exactly what you need.
You are just beautiful Tracy.
So are you 🙂
So true! I think every time I’ve looked in the mirror to face the acne, there is a surge of anger at my parents, or my past self, or some history that hasn’t been dealt with. How cool would that be to completely erase it? I like the term “Forgiveness” because it’s not ignoring it – like I’m prone to do. A link I found that has some more similar insight on intuitive things (including the idea that our bodies react to TELL us something) can be found here: http://www.healyourlife.com/lifeshelp/get-healthy
Enjoy! I sure did!
Hi Sera – yes I often hear things about your skin trying to “tell you things”. Hmm.. oh yeah if you haven’t read “Skin Deep” by Ted Grossbart (get it free http://www.grossbart.com), he goes a lot into that. Except it’s kinda confusing if you can’t figure out what your skin is telling you hahah. I know Louise Hay says that acne is “a dislike of self”, and that seems to fit with a lot of acne sufferers!
Wow… I just want to say thanks so very much Heather, Aubrey, Kim, and Tracy! Thanks for understanding, for sharing, and for the encouragement… I am really excited about the candida cleanse! I have done juice fasting, and do partial fasts a lot, am in good physical shape, and spiritually great… so I am praying lots and optimistic about my skin healing. I just have to get through the tough part… however long that may be. I have also quit using any products on my face, other than honey, lemon, etc. and it has been doing great with that!
Thanks again everyone for the encouragement… and thanks Tracy for your wonderful Purpose! 🙂
I couldn’t agree more with you. I watched the documentary in england and also have watched some of his videos. I really feel like he isn’t even trying to BE happy or forgive himself..his whole attitude is quite painful to watch and I found myself having to switch it off because being exposed to that I found myself sinking into a place similar to that of him, a sense of dispare and never ending doom. I think its really careful we watch what we expose ourself too because everything subconsciously will effect our state.
Hi Amy – yeah, true… but… he’s at a certain place on his own journey and forgiving something that he views has ruined his life is a BIG and reeaaally difficult step to take!!! wow. I know that’s so tough and I’d have a mega hard time with that. Let’s just send him love so that he can find his way to a more positive frame of mind, one where he will find the answers to how he can heal all these symptoms that he lives with.
I want to blame Monsnato so much for causing my health issues, but blaming them won’t do much. Blaming doesn’t improve your health, but I can do that on my own so blame isn’t necessary.
This is great. I’ve been having these feelings lately, since going on accutane.
That I’m weak, that I could have cleared my skin naturally if I had worked hard enough. That I should feel guilty for intentionally poisoning my body. I wasn’t strong enough to take control of my health in a way big enough to clear my skin.
I can’t seem to forgive myself for not being able to get perfect skin holistically.
Basically I feel guilty, I feel like I’m doing something wrong, yet since it is working so well, I push all these feelings away and pretend like what I’m doing is fine.
So many people have effectively cleared their skin with this stuff, with little to no side effects. Is it really all that bad?
Yes it is, I know.
But what else can I do? I’m just so sick of acne controlling me, I need to get on with life. To enjoy it.
I especially like the last part of this article, thanks!
I just want to tell you that I took accutane, and I was one of the ones that it wreaked havoc on my body and I “regret” it. But the reason I put “regret” is because I don’t actually regret it. Yeah my body is paying for the effects of it, but part of it was the path that led me to healing my body holistically, finding a passion in nutrition. You shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to find an answer. Yes, accutane has a lot of side effects for many people, but some people live healthy and happy after. If you actually feel guilty for taking it, then you probably shouldn’t, because maybe you are doing something wrong for you. Accutane sucks, but so does acne.
Also, I think this article is a very important component to healing yourself. However, I just finished reading the book “Transurfing Reality” by Vadim Zeland(I highly suggest it) and he brought up in interesting point. Why should you have to forgive people(and things) that have done you wrong or hurt you? Basically he is saying you don’t have to forgive them, because that could actually lead to even more anger and resentment. But to just ignore it. The more you put your thought energy into blaming or hating the past or even forgiving when you don’t feel like it, you get exactly what you are thinking(or you choose as he puts it), because your life track goes there. He is saying forgiving a person isn’t necessary, but to basically let it go, so you can move to where you want your life to, because you choose everything in your life, and get everything you choose. I’m not the best at explaining it, it is better to just read the book haha. Anyways it is basically the same concept as forgiveness, but just thinking of it in a different way. I know a lot of people have a hard time with forgiveness, especially towards people. I also think a lot of times people try to forgive, but still hold on to it a little bit, and that is what is damaging.
I like that, Sarah. I just can’t wrap my mind around “forgiving” when someone has deeply hurt me or someone I love , because it’s too much like saying what they did was okay. But I can let go of it, ignore it, and move on. It may just be an issue of semantics, but thinking of it this way works better for me.
Hey Tracy, Just wanted to say thanks for a great article! And yeah I can forgive myself for having acne since.. I did not know how damaging processed foods can be! In fact.. I went to this party with my friends today. And since I allow the 90/10(20) rule I decided to eat some processed foods (pizza, chips) and… Wow.. I never realized it but they tasted so dull and.. Boring! compared to whole foods, I’ve been eating whole foods for a month but seriously, when I ate processed food after a month of just whole foods.. I really didn’t like the taste.. I can’t believe I lived a life eating stuff like this on a daily basis! So thanks for waking me up! ;P
Hey! That’s great… it’s good to hear your taste buds have changed their tunes 🙂
Hey Tracy,
Can I ask you if it is better to get off something like, benzoyl peroxide, and face the natural breakout of the change or stick with it because it works for you? My friend noticed that I changed my regimen and questions this because she knows that if she had pimples, she will pop them. She has a bit of a picking problem so she is afraid to change when the benzoyl peroxide is working for her. However, I told her that it has some bad long-term effects. She does want to change but she thinks that it might be better than going through the detox acne and popping her pimples and causing scarring (and more pimples along with that). I don’t know what to tell her so I came here for advice on what is better.
As for the article, I never blamed the company (I didn’t really think about the company at all until reading this), I have just blamed myself. Every time I break out, I even state that it’s my fault for doing such and such… I am trying not to blame myself but it seems almost like I don’t know I’m doing it until I analyze it like how I’m doing right now while writing this.
Sometimes I struggle with self-blame too, Drea. I have a leaky gut, so eating certain foods results in overnight breakouts for me (working on healing it now). So if I got a huge cyst, I would kick myself over and over for the new sesame oil I’d tried, or the new brand of one-ingredient juice, or for using iodized salt in a pinch (pun not intended) instead of sea salt. Ridiculous, I know…I’d never expect anyone else to be so rigid…but I expect it of myself and it’s hard not to get angry at myself if I mess up. I’m working on it…it helps to remind myself that I do not have an easy battle to fight. I look in the mirror and say, “Kit, you have been dealt an unfair hand. It’s ok to be upset, but you can’t blame yourself. It’s ok to struggle. Keep going.” Sounds hokey but yeah…it helps to vocalize it.
Wow, that is some tough love. I like your approach. I was thinking about writing how I feel (like how the article says) and trying to see my true nature, and possibly prevent myself from being negative, but you are right, it’s a lot better to just have a good talk with yourself and encourage yourself. Thanks for replying 🙂
Thanks for this one, Tracy. For me, my anger battle wasn’t so much with myself as it was with my parents and the doctors I had over the years. They pumped me full of antacids as a kid, along with tons of allergy medicines and later on, all kinds of crummy topicals and antibiotics for my skin. And while my mother did make healthy eating a priority, she did so along the lines of “conventional” dietary wisdom – so we still ate a lot of SAD crap.
I was angry because…well, I just believed whatever people said I needed to eat/do/etc. Why wouldn’t I? I thought because I had dance a few times a week, ate apples for snacks and had fast food only a few times a month without the soda, I was healthy and my acne was just genetic. Honestly, what else should I have thought? Why would a kid think a doctor or her parents were lying? And as a teenager, my friends could all have that stuff and have nice skin…so it COULDN’T be that. They all swore up and down that food didn’t cause acne. And I bought it for the longest time.
I cope with it now by thinking about how they weren’t lying – that’s honestly what most people BELIEVE. Douse your face in BP, don’t eat chocolate, take showers with soap and your skin will clear up. It’s perpetuated everywhere from kids’ TV shows to beauty magazines. No one meant to lie to me – they’ve been lied to themselves. Remembering that, it’s a lot easier to let it go. But believe me, it took me years…and I wish I’d had this as a wake-up call awhile ago.
Hi Kit – it’s so crazy how badly we’ve all been brainwashed. How easily things that are untrue just get absorbed into popular culture and become things that everyone “just knows”… I’m glad to hear you’ve come to a place of forgiveness. 🙂 love.
Hi all! I was on monocycline for two months and i thought THAT was a long time. I posted on here a few months ago, mostly out of desperation. I needed help with my acne– and i wanted to do it the natural way. I found Tracy’s web site and it SO turned my situation around. I felt like I was in a neverending tunnel of agony–like I almost could not imagine going any further in life looking so horrid. So in a way, acne can almost be as tragic as cancer or some other disease. Acne is humiliating, and challenges the confidence we all want to maintain so badly in order to live life the best we can. Well– I can tell you what I did, and I had to be very patient. I stopped all topical and oral antibiotics, and cancelled my upcoming derm appointment. I started making fruit and veggie smoothies, and that is when my skin was the worst–but I think my skin was detoxing. Then I incorporated manuka honey into my skincare regimen.. I have been taking a good high count probiotic for the past few months, and also do the cod liver oil thing. I take a multivitamin every day, and also a zinc supplement. I use aloe vera juice as a toner after I wash my face. But I can tell you, i think the BIGGEST thing that has helped me is forgiving myself and forgiving those who have done me wrong. My boyfriend and I are also at a very good place in our relationship right now–very open and non-judging. I just eat intuitively now, as I think half of the stress was caused by me over analyzing my diet. Cheers to all, and remember, this hardship will pass and only make you a more compassionate, grateful, and beautiful person.
Hi Nikki – it’s awesome to hear you are in a better place now! 😀
Somewhat of a mixed post and not necessarily about blame – but. I’m 50+ and have acne pretty much continuously since 16-17. I runs in the family so no surprise. I’ve been off and on antibiotics all those years and did acutane way back when(didn’t help that much) To be sure some long periods of years with out any antibiotics. You do get mentally hooked on them and fear stopping even though in the long term they don’t help that much and have all the bad side effects. Dematology dept. at many of the HMOs just get totally robotic about it and if they see acne start on the oral meds. They seem to do this with out thinking – which is very sad for someone who has put all that effort into medical school. Anyway I can’t say I follow all of the “love vitamin’s” system for acne and do use some benzoyl and get exfloations and extractions. This however has been the most successful approach I’ve taken so far and I get this from a non MD skin care. The best results I’ve had and at least no oral meds. So frustrating when your young and don’t get dirrected to better approches for care by MDs.
Tracy – You have a very wonderful new year and keep up the site and educating and inspiring us all.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts Mike 🙂
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It makes me feel better that all these people suffer from the same problem that I do! Comforting that we all feel the same way about it.