I wrote a post the other day about 5 mental health issues that can be associated with acne. I wanted to touch a little bit more on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and its subset, Acne Dysmorphic Disorder.
In my previous article, this is how I described the condition:
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“It is characterized by a serious preoccupation with a real or imaginary physical flaw. There is excessive anxiety and stress over the perceived flaw and the person with BDD spends an unreasonable amount of time focusing on it, picking at it, excessively checking their appearance in a mirror, hiding the imperfection, comparing it with others, grooming, constantly seeking reassurance from others about it, and even getting repeated cosmetic surgery. With acne dysmorphic disorder, the perceived flaw is acne, blemishes, and scarring. Often the sufferer has mild acne but when they look at themselves in the mirror, the acne appears to them to be a hundred times worse than the reality.”
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I’m willing to bet most acne sufferers display some of these tendencies when it comes to their skin. I mean, most people check the mirror way too many times and spend more time than usual grooming and picking. We also tend to imagine our skin flaws are a lot more obvious to others than they really are.
We need to be aware though that these practices are not healthy.
No, they aren’t as serious as when things go to the point of excess and a BDD diagnosis…. but they aren’t healthy.
I highly suggest you check out this short BBC documentary about three people in England living with severe cases of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. No, it’s not specifically about acne, but I consider myself fairly well adjusted and I still saw disturbing similarities between me and the behaviours of these three people. It’s a real eye opener.
For example, the second person featured in the film (I think his name was Julian) is fixated on the dark circles under his eyes, which he feels make him appear absolutely grotesque. Of course, to everyone else, he’s just a normal looking guy and the dark circles under his eyes are hardly noticeable. However, he has become so fixated on them that he is mostly a recluse and has let all his friends fall away. If he needs to leave the house, he always, always wears a pair of dark sunglasses to insulate himself from “staring” eyes.
This reminded me quite distinctly of last spring and summer when I had my bad acne – the way I used to wear big dark sunglasses as a means of shielding my heart from others. Obviously I knew that everyone could still plainly see my skin whether I wore sunglasses or not, but after some time, I realized that I just didn’t feel comfortable without them. Don’t get me wrong – I love sunglasses for fashion and practical purposes – but I suppose that I subconsciously felt that if people could not see my eyes, they couldn’t detect all the pain I was feeling inside.
The third person featured in the film was a beautiful girl named Ruth.
She saw herself as a monster – with a nose that’s too big, sallow skin, ugly eyes. To everyone else, she’s gorgeous, but she just couldn’t see it. She hid behind her hair and pounds of makeup – most people would assume this girl is vain, but she is actually suffering inside. The BBC camera crew asked her to perform the simple task of going to the corner store without mascara on and they later asked her to go bare faced to the makeup counter at a department store to get help with picking out a lighter foundation. Both tasks were an enormous effort, and she even ended up crying at the makeup counter.
I’m pleased to say that I’ve now become much more comfortable about not wearing makeup, but I recall even when my acne used to be mild that I would never dare leave the house without my couple of spots covered up, the redness under my eyes concealed, and mascara on to darken up my blonde eyelashes. Yes, I can say that going to the corner store without makeup, let alone being around people I knew, would have been fairly traumatic for me. It seems silly to me now, but it really did feel like a huge deal.
The biggest lesson here is that the unhappiness is not coming from the “flaw” and fixing the flaw will not bring happiness.
There is something deeper that needs to be addressed… this seems plain to all except for the sufferer. So be aware of these behaviours if you are displaying any of them, and make sure to get professional help if you think you may be dealing with full blown Body Dysmorphia or Acne Dysmorphia ♥
I have these tendancies. I have no objective view of my skin left all I see is what is wrong with my skin and I see lots wrong.But I also realise that I’m not seeing my skin from an objective viewpoint.
It is really tough to see our own faces from an objective viewpoint… we have so many emotions wrapped up in it! I think everyone will overreact to their skin to a degree, but we need to work on keeping this to a minimum and really addressing the reasons why we’re doing it
hi tracy!!! i really loved this post because i think that a lot of these disorders apply to people who suffer with acne.
so this question is a bit off topic, but if you could please help i would really appreciate it.
i have been struggling with a couple of craters or pitted skin marks on my temples and cheeks and was wondering if you knew any good natural treatments that could help my skin heal up or regenerate (any essential oils maybe?)
thanks!!
karen
Hi Karen! To be honest, I’m not quite sure what advice to give for pitted scars yet, aside from give it time, live healthfully and include lots of high quality protein and minerals in your diet, which will help your body to rebuild those cells! Other natural scar remedies are things like honey, turmeric, cinnamon, aloe.. but I don’t know exactly how well these work for pitted scars :/
Hey Tracy,
This is a great topic that needs a huge light shed on it. I stumbled upon it once coincidently and it was like a punch in the stomach; the similarities I shared were scary. I tried sharing the article with a family member (because it emphasized how important support was) and they kind of brushed it off. Unfortunately, I think a whole lot of people believe it’s a bunch of bull and that BDD sufferers are making it up–but that’s they problem. The mind will tell the body that the “flaw,” the threat, the worry, etc is real. And the body will respond with less than favorable reactions, worsening the issue. And it just gets exacerbated. Luckily, I’m getting over it. I still pop in to the bathroom too often to check my face though (eck, the word pop!).
By the way, I recently got a gash on my face (I really don’t know how…I didn’t pick anything. My mom thinks it was a spider bite) and it turned into a cavernous hole ( …:'(…). Do you know any methods that’ll heal sores ?? I tried manuka (sp?) honey, aloe vera, zinc oxide, jojoba oil…
Also, great website. Kudos.
Hi Tamar!
I know, many people don’t understand it because they don’t see the flaw as you do.. they often think the person is just overreacting… it’s sad and I’m sorry that whoever you tried to talk to did not give you any support 🙁 I’m glad to hear you are doing better though!
The only natural thing I can think of to heal a sore you describe is something called goldenseal. It’s an herb and you can buy its extract and it will heal minor wounds… google it!
I don’t think people who have not experienced acne can understand how it feels. A lot of people think that it’s just vanity they don’t realise it is exactly the opposite.
Lavender Oil is very healing. As to pitted scars once they are there no natural method will get rid of them. I klnow I have them. The skin tissue has been damaged:(
This is one of those weird things where eventually you lose perspective because you’re constantly thinking about it. I was working in a restaurant last year and a bunch of people had acne to varying degrees and it was kind of nice to not be the only one and to see other people just living normally and not making a big deal out of it.
As far as scarring goes, I was taking a supplement called colostrum for a couple months that has boosted my metabolism seriously and is supposed to increase tissue regeneration. that plus serious exercise (soccer, long bike rides) and a lot of protein and good foods has really improved some scars i never thought i would see the end of.
it’s been a long process and sometimes i feel like im pushed to my limits but most of my scars are healing and maybe soon i’ll even be able to get back to where i left off with my life.
Stay positive, keep looking for answers!
Yeah, it does really put it in perspective when you see other people with acne who seem confident…. and you realize that you are not judging them or think less of them for it. We are so hard on ourselves… a bit of acne doesn’t have to be a big deal, but the weight of it on our hearts can just get out of control. I’m really glad to hear that you’ve had some success getting rid of scars! That’s so awesome.
Hey Tracy! I suffer from Acne Dysmorphia. I’m so glad you brought this to my attention. It’s nice to know that what I have has a name!
I just sent you a request on facebook. I didn’t realize that you live in Vancouver. That’s so awesome 🙂 I’m from there. My friend request says something similar lol.
I’m just so happy I found you 🙂 Your youtube channel was in the side bar for suggested channels 🙂
Cool! You’re from Vancouver? where do you live now?
Also I didn’t know there was a suggested channels thing on youtube… i’m glad I came up on yours 🙂
And I’m so sorry that you struggle with acne dysmorphia…. it’s an awful thing to go through, I hope that you will be able to work through it and come out a stronger person! Much love to you xoxoxo
oO Does it have a cure??
Only who knows and feels what it is to have acne and it symptoms knows the misery of it.
I’ve always had a light acne since I was a teenager, nothing special, one spot here things like that. At the end of 2009 my skin slowly got worse and on april 2010 I had the first and worse break out. Since then I started going on hundreds of dermatologist and putting everything on my skin that promised to get me rid of acne.
Since then I’ve been developing some strange behaviors…like looking too many times on the mirror, staying at home during the day (so I could take care of my spots), avoiding sunshine, avoiding any kind of bright light, living a cycle of depression.
I do therapy its been already 3 years and my therapist says I should consider going to a
psychiatrist. So this makes me think that the only solution for this problem is going to a psychiatrist. Or if my skin get better. But until then I’ll have to wait life pass trought my eyes..
Ugh this is all so true. From the ages of 12 to 20, I had NO control over my skin. I spent my entire teenage life believing that I was hideous – healthy, huh? First thing I did every morning was run to cover my spots. A boyfriend once asked me why I had scratches all over my face (covered scabs)and if someone had attacked me, which made me terrified of dating for years. When I first got clear and started getting treated like an attractive woman, I honestly thought people were making fun of me. It took me YEARS to get it in perspective. Sorry to be crass, but acne’s a little b*tch and I’m grateful for everything you teach us to help us stomp it out 🙂
You’re right, Kit… It is a little bitch!! Well said!
Cool…wasn’t sure if I could swear here. Lol. Bitch it is.
Lol, I actually swear way more in real life, and often feel the urge to swear in the blog, but… I just… don’t. Not sure how the general audience feels about it, so I avoid it!
Thanks, Tracy, for writing this post. It really made me think about some of the behaviors that I have. I can definitely see some of the behaviors in myself that I see in the subjects of the documentary. I probably have at least a moderate form of acne dysmorphia. I definitely avoid going out when I convince myself that my acne is particularly bad and I’m still desperately trying to stop picking my skin. Hopefully, I can begin to think differently and free myself from this dysmorphia.
We’re here for you Ben!
The third girl’s segment made me cry because I know exactly how she feels. The idea of going to school without covering my acne terrifies me. Sometimes I spend up to an hour putting makeup on and taking it off because I think if I try just start over I can make the zits disappear under makeup. I know I’m just making my skin angrier and unhealthy with the way I treat it but I can’t help it. I feel anxiety even when my family sees me without makeup. I didn’t use to be this bad, it happened only recently. This fall and winter I was on antibiotics for my skin and my skin was . I went off them in February and my skin is back to the way it was before, which I know objectively isn’t that bad but now even the smallest pimple kills me because I know what it’s like to have perfect skin but I lost it. I’ve slowly been trying to do small errands without covering my zits but its hard. I’m terrified I’ll see someone I know. More than anything I wish I could have perfect skin, but even if I can’t ever have that I wish I could spend more than five minutes of my day not thinking about how ugly my skin is.
Hi Ellie,
I’m sending you healing light and love. I know how it feels to be so incredibly anxious about acne. Healing your skin, but most specifically healing your mindset about how you think and feel about yourself and your skin, is a journey and probably won’t happen overnight. The key is to learn to love yourself – your true self underneath the skin, and reject the horrible messages that society tells women about how their only worth is their looks – we are more than how we look. It took me a long time to learn that. love xx
I sympathise with anyone who sufferes from acne I had a bad one for years but What I’m dealing with now is bad scarring.
I had really bad acne for years, started when I was 17 and I still have it at the age of 33. I hated acne and fiercely covered it up with makeup everyday , it was so bad that teacher had a speech about the importance of seeing a derm if you suffer from severe acne in front of whole class. I was the only one with acne in that class and as I sat there sweating and heart beating with my eyes turned to the floor, it was clear that she was addressing the talk to me and worse, everyone in that class knew it too. THATs how bad my acne was.
Of course I saw a doctors and derms one after another but nothing really worked.
As much as I hated the acne though and peoples stares, I felt it was only temporary and felt that as long as I had makeup I was relatively safe and I still enjoyed life although bangs of self hatred would get me in sometimes but I would just know it was temporary. I didn’t lock myself away then, now I do.
Then after few years it lessened so I felt normal again, few pimples in the face was a lottery win yay!
I was happier than ever and went travelling, loved life.
Then biggest mistake of my life- laser treatments for acne scarring.
They scarred my entire face. It’s been over three years, and I’m absolute suicidal wreck , shadow of my former self.
I can’t look in the mirror without having my heart jump in my throat seeing the scarring and burn scar texture all over my face. I cry everyday. I stopped working for a year I couldn’t face other people.
I obsess about capturing true damage on camera but it never shows entire depth of scarring as photos are 2D.
I saw my face from back seat of the car and had a screaming melt down at Aldi carpark I couldn’t believe how bad the damage truly is , natural light reveals everything.
Severe acne was walk in a park compared to this.acne scars walk in a park as well. Nothing prepared me for the horror of every millimetre of your facial skin being scarred.
I was told treatment was safe, I asked about scarring and I was told the fraxel was gentle and would not simply be able to go deep enough to scar me.
Worst part- it gets worse. Skin deteriorated rapidly damage doesn’t stop. Many people have been scarred like me and they all share same things – the disbelief, unable to move on because it’s there till the day you die.excessive mirror checking to understand the damage, trying to find cures, mirror avoidance, social anxiety , suicidal thoughts etcetc.
Makeup doesn’t cover the scarring. I’ve seen derms and they all see the scarring so it’s not perceived thing , it’s very real damage and scarring.
Some times when lighting is low or warm tone, my skin looks so much better and my mood instantly lifts and I feel like my old self, wanting to live life go out and enjoy , but then I capture myself in shop window or backseat of a car and heart sinks and it’s utter terror realising that the reality is this.
I can’t live much longer with this but therapist cannot help me- this isn’t a symptom of bigger underlying issue I have, I have facial scarring and that alone is the reason for this depression.
Even with bad acne I never felt like this in my life even though I hated having acne.
Therapist can’t fix my scarring , surgeons can’t fix it so there’s nothing that will make me better. I don’t want to accept it I know I will never be able to.
All I can do is wait for treatment to come along to lessen the scarring.
I think suicide as finally being able to rest. Be never been this depressed in my life and I see no hope in future.
Clinic that scarred me denied everything, changed medical records , refused to release before pictures. The doctor actually insinuated its my imagination and refused to help me any further.
I’ve seen derms and laser specialist and they all agreed this is scarring from too high treatment levels. So I’m not imagining it lol but my story is one of very many, and the laser provides a often insinuate we suffer from BDD to avoid taking responsibility.
I was a normal quite robust person before this happened and now I prob do have BDD like symptoms however this damage is very real- derm told me to look into makeup designed to hide burns and scars.
Tired.bits horrible not being able to be your true self I feel for everyone here.
I’m so sorry, sending big love your way T..
I feel the same,I have been suffering from acne for 5 years and I’m 17 I feel so ugly all the time and hate myself. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and I know of I didn’t have acne I would feel so much better about myself. But my acne makes me want to end my life and I can’t see my skin getting better as I’ve had it since I’m 12 and its no better than before. I’ve tried loads of antibiotics and creams from the doctors but none work and I’m just spiralling and no one is helping me with my skin. I have been to school in over a month because of my acne and can’t leave the house because of it. I feel awful all the time and just want it to end.
Sadie, I’m a 21 year old and I feel the same. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you’re not the only one! Thinking of you xx