I’m letting resistance get in my way.
I mentioned the other day in a video that I’ve had a major flare up of eczema on my hand. My fingers are sore and itchy right on the spots of highest friction in my day to day activities so there is no avoiding irritation. The knuckle on my pointer finger is swollen and tender and twice the size of the other one.
This eczema on my hand showed up for the first time in conjunction with my severe acne breakout. It finally died along along with the last of my acne when I got checked for allergies, which seemed to put the cherry on top of my new found healthy lifestyle. Within three weeks, both the remaining acne and remaining eczema disappeared.
Since then, I’ve had a couple eczema sores here and there, but nothing like this. I feel blessed that the skin on my face has not followed suit to any crazy degree, but I am realizing that now is the time to tighten up my lifestyle a bit, recheck on my allergies, and basically do some spring cleaning.
But I’m having major resistance.
Something is stopping me from picking up that phone and making an appointment with the naturopath.
In fact, I don’t even think it’s actually about the acne, or about the eczema. I think it’s about the fact that I’m being lazy! I don’t WANT to have to tighten things up, or rearrange my diet. It’s healthy enough, but I guess there is something that needs to be changed. It’s just pure frustration that I can’t pig out on chocolates several days a week and get away with it.
But then again, maybe it’s not allergens. I haven’t been exercising much or meditating either. Agh. More things to add in.
Let’s face it… change, even if you know exactly what to do, can seem threatening. It involves personal risk. We all love our comfort zones.
But resistance doesn’t get you anywhere, and it actually creates emotional disease.
It makes the change that much harder and undermines your goals.
Recognizing, understanding and lowering your resistance are essential before trying to motivate yourself to put a plan into action. Otherwise, you will experience a major rift between the good intentions in your head (that you should change) and the feelings in your heart (that you don’t want to).
I have a secret to tell you – I cry a lot. Every time I get emotionally frustrated, I burst into tears. But I actually feel a lot better about whatever I’m crying about after I cry about it – for example, last night I broke down about my resistance to this new change while doing a jigsaw puzzle with my boyfriend.
I knew what I was crying about – I identified it, came to an understanding with myself, and now I feel as though I can go ahead with my plans for a healthier me ♥
Weird. I get that too. I cried a lot when I had problems. Every time it happened, it lasted for half a minute, then suddenly I understood what I was crying about too, felt better, and laughed at myself for being a pussy :D. I normally never cried.
I didn’t cry for the past 2 weeks now, no big emotions, and my skin is way better now (I had no real acne, but did have a lot of red spots under my skin, they were itchy, and now only half of them are still there).
What I do notice is that I’m less lazy and that my emotions are more pure, I can really understand what I feel.
I also have been to the doctor, I have a vitamin D deficiency (already suspected that so I went outside a lot) and my sugar level is a bit too low. My kidney functions ‘too well’ though, and my doctor said he was jealous of my cholesterol levels.
The interesting part is this though : my blood has a lot of mold in it. So, for all you acne patients out there : clean your room damn well, keep food out of your room, wash yourself often. That helps a lot. And wash your clothes, change them often, …
Thanks for the amazing article again, I’m gonna buy a blender soon as I want to find new ways to eat vegetables :D.
Thanks for taking the time to be so open with us and share your feelings and thoughts 🙂 It definitely helps me a lot because I know that I can relate to someone who’s going through similar emotions.
Tracy, it’s like you read my mind. I’m doing Spring Cleaning as well 😛
I’m currently on Day 1 of my Pre-Fast/Cleanse. Made a copious amount of green smoothie today, with all the right trimmings. It will probably last me until Day 3 (Wednesday morning) and then after that it’s time to kick it into high gear and I’m switching to water and herbal teas.
I’ve been slacking with my diet lately and haven’t been going outside as much as I probably should be. I also haven’t really jogged in a while which is making me a tad upset.
I definitely need this fast to get things back on track and put me in that disciplined state of mind. I figure a week should be enough. Well, it’s more like 4 days since the first 3 I’m planning to have sustenance.
I love how honest this post is! I generally eat very healthy and stay active to stay physically and mentally healthy but most importantly for the sake of my skin. But there is a huge part of me that is pissed I can’t just be one of those people who eats junk and has perfectly fine skin. I suppose in the long run it is better off that I get acne when I don’t eat well because it has forced me to eat a healthful diet that will be much more beneficial for my overall well being in the long run.
I think resisting change has become a part of my lifestyle. It’s like I have become so use to my life with acne, that when I really have the chance to change it, it becomes “impossible” because I resist it. I know for a fact that it’s because I’m comfortable(not happy) with the somewhat lazy life I have. It’s slowly changing, but I could do much better If i didn’t let myself hold back.
Good for you for crying though. If I could cry(I know sounds weird because i actually cry about other people but not myself) I would because that would relieve a lot of stress.
I get upset that I can’t eat red meat mostly and dairy. It drives me crazy sometimes. It helps that my bf eats healthy,but he still can eat what I cant. I’m still getting the hang of everything. There’s hardly anything organic where i live. Maybe local farmers market??? idk. Still at the beginning of my journey. Tracy…u are so smart. Seriously. I’m learning a lot. thanks.
Hey Tracy,
first of all, thank you so much for running this webside and being so honest.
You inspire me a lot to change those bad habbits in my life, like being lazy all the time, having very low self esteem, eat junk food and pick my face when ever I get the chance.
Although I really hope you’re feeling better soon and find the source of your eczema, for me it feels good to see that you struggel just as much as I do and that crying is not a sign of weekness but also a way to get rid of all the emotional pressure that this ‘always be aware of what you do, not do, eat, not eat etc’ puts on us.
Thanks, your awesome 🙂
Laura
Thanks for all the comments everyone! Yes, I struggle with being lazy as much as everyone else…. I am human 😀 But I always try to remember that while it seeems as though everyone else can get away with poor lifestyles and not pay the price, everyone does and will in their own way with their own unique health issues. In a way, we are kind of lucky to have such potent motivation for staying on track!
I totally feel like that donkey! Haha! I recently went on a healthy diet, and got so frustrated with it after a week and a half I bought a donut, a pop, and had a cup of coffee. Guess what I woke up to? Inflamed skin! This post by you has really helped me get some encouragement. Right before I go for a run at that!
I cry a lot too.. there have been times where I just sobbed and sobbed over my life in general, but it was brought on by the acne. The acne is a crutch in a way. Something else to focus on besides the real things that have hurt me. This journey is so far from over, but I’m going to stick it out. The best thing you’ve taught me is that if I fall on my face and eat a box of donuts, I can’t just give up and assume everything is “ruined”. I just have to get out my blender, make a smoothie and get back on track. Thank you, Tracy!
That’s right Taylor! We all fall on our faces and eat donuts sometimes… but we just can’t give up and let these stupid spots own us. 🙂 Keep going!
Hi Tracy!
As you know, I’ve just discovered you and your amazing blog.
So, it’s a lazy Saturday morning here in Texas and I’m browsing and reading stuff I didn’t have time for during “work” week.
Hence, here I am. 🙂
What I want to comment on is your astounding ability to get to the core.. the truth.. and be willing to be vulnerable.
That in itself sets you apart from the majority..but then coupled with your youth.. WOW, you have such wisdom girl.
darlene 🙂
Hi Darlene,
Tracy is without internet access right now, but she‘ll read your lovely comment, I promise!!! 😉
Should be back by Tuesday. 😀