I got this comment the other day on a blog post:
I just wanted to let you know that after breaking up with my boyfriend, my acne has cleared tremendously!!!!!!! Coincidence? I think not! I’m not sure if you remember, but I was the girl who, sometime late last year, was posting on here about how my boyfriend was so critical and always making negative comments about my acne (among other things, now that I have reflected).
I want to thank you for your support back then, I am left with only two small bumps and healing scars. I have learned that sometimes, in order to heal, we need to rid our lives of toxic things AND people …
Yep. I’ve been saying it for years: stress is hugely toxic to our bodies and our skin. And stress exists in a lot more ways than we think. It can come in the form of physiological stress – like too much intense exercise, as we discussed last post. Or not eating enough. Or eating so many chemicals your body can’t keep up.
It can come in the form of classic stress – writing an exam, or having too much on your plate.
Or, it can come in the stealth form- the kind that is deadly, but so silent you don’t even realize it’s there at all.
I believe the girl who wrote the above note didn’t quite realize how much her boyfriend was stressing her out. She can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think she said before that they had a good relationship and he had a lot of awesome traits. Therefore, she didn’t quite think he was as much of a problem as he “clearly” was.
You can’t trick your body though. Deep down inside, it knows the truth. But if you don’t acknowledge that stress so you can process it, it can often make itself known through other means. Those other means are often health problems (acne!! aagggh!)
I actually went through this same thing myself. When my acne turned from mild to severe, I was dating someone who stressed me out. We had a fairly good relationship – he is a good person, and we are still friends – but the relationship was not good for me on a soul level and was difficult on my self esteem (mostly because of my own perfectionism and need to be completely desirable to everyone). I don’t think it was a coincidence at all that that was the time that my skin decided to go mental. It was trying to tell me something. Of course I didn’t realize that at the time.
Anyway, her comment reminded me of a certain section from the amazingly awesome free ebook by the famous psycho-dermatologist Ted Grossbart called “Skin Deep“. Many of you probably have already come across it since I have talked about it before on the blog, and in my acne ebook.
Close links with the nervous system make your skin highly sensitive to emotions; it can be more in touch with your innermost needs, wishes, and fears than your conscious mind. You may not be aware that tomorrow’s conference is causing deep down anxiety, but your skin is expressing that tension in hives or in an outbreak of acne.
Anyway, the section is called “Listening to Your Skin” and goes over scenarios of possible things that your body could be trying to communicate to you via your skin breakouts (his book does not specifically focus on acne, but all skin issues – acne, hives, eczema, etc).
This list is also a way of narrowing down the question of “what benefit do I get from having acne?”. Consciously we want more than anything to get rid of it, but sometimes we hold onto it subconsciously because it provides us with some sort of twisted pay off. It fills an emotional hole, or prevents us from having to move forward in life and face painful or scary situations.
I always thought this part of the book was incredibly interesting and so I want to summarize the scenarios for you and change them to be acne specific. Because, hey – it kinda sucks when someone says “hidden stress might be causing your acne” and you have no idea how you figure out what this “hidden stress” is. I know. But maybe you will see yourself in one or more of the following descriptions. And while resolution may not be instantaneous, being aware of the pattern is the first step to recovery.
1. Your Skin is Crying Out for Love and Protection
Love and nurturing is a basic need that humans cannot live without. While most parents always do the best that they can to love and nurture their children, there are always cases where they cannot – due to lack of love in their own upbringing, major life stress, and other factors that might end up causing a child to go without this basic need of love and protection.
As a result, this might leave a major emotional black hole of emptiness that has a voracious need to be filled. It absorbs all love and protection we receive later in life, and then cries for more.
People with this type of emotional emptiness usually go to great lengths to fill that void – with clothes, drugs, needy relationships, and other self destructive behaviours.
Example: Joan, whose father abandoned her as a child, has troubled skin. Her skin flares up as a way to give a voice to that pain and loneliness she felt as a child. She spends hours doting on her skin – washing her face, doing masks, spot treating – “self mothering” it in order to fill that hole.
Additionally, she finds that when her husband goes out of town on a business trip, her skin flares up, as this is a re-enactment of the abandonment she felt from her father.
2. Your Skin is Raging with Anger
Anger is a normal, healthy reaction. Unfortunately we are often taught to deny anger, because if we feel it or we express it then we “aren’t nice”. Parents often will subtly or not subtly tell their children that they are not acceptable when they are angry. Or children see their parents anger and are so repulsed that they completely deny and repress any angry feelings of their own.
Unfelt, unexpressed anger is the most common psychological mechanism behind troubled skin. If it is unnacceptable to express anger towards others, the skin takes the beating as the anger becomes expressed towards the self. Alternatively, the skin becomes the voice of anger that the child within the adult was forbidden to express. Angry, inflamed acne tells the world what the person cannot. It tells the truth behind the calm facade.
3. Your Skin is Trying to Control
A child can have an abundance of love, but still cry out for another essential need: respect. From our earliest days, we must be acknowledged as independent beings, not just extensions of our parents. When parents give love and attention on their own schedule, according to their own needs, they withhold this respect. Examples are the mother who forces a sweater on her child when she is cold, or a father who has a stubborn, unwavering “father knows best” attitude. Neither are respecting the autonomy of the child.
People not given respect as a child may turn the tables on the world as an adult and develop a passion for controlling others. In the effort to control the world around them, they may be labeled manipulative and employ many tactics such as flirtatiousness, intimidation, or guilt. A skin problem could be part of this arsenal.
Example: Peter is basically allergic to everything. Kids want a dog? Can’t. Allergic to dogs. Drive to the country? Nope. Allergic to pollen. Wife wants to go to French restaurant for the anniversary? Nope, french food makes him break out.
As a child, Peter had learned to “control or be controlled” and he was subconsciously using his allergies and subsequent skin breakouts to control the world (which, of course, in the end, controlled him more than it did anyone else).
4. Your Skin is Playing Sexual Policeman
Everyone has needs – something within us strives blindly for love, respect, and affection. Some of us are taught by parents’ examples and reactions that needs are bad – especially sexual needs. The frequent result is that we develop a “policeman” conscience, where our attempts to satisfy our deepest needs become paralyzed by indecision, anxiety, and guilt.
The skin is an easy way to police sexual anxiety. If you have doubts and frustrations about your sexual needs, attractiveness, or other intimacy issues, having a skin problem is an easy answer. Breaking out in acne is a useful turnoff; a red flag that says “count me out sexually”. It can be a very effective barrier against the threats and anxiety of sexual intimacy and dating.
Example: Derek had a comfortable live-in relationship with a woman who he didn’t truly love and would not fully commit to. When she would go out of town, he would begin thinking about breaking the relationship off so he could pursue a more meaningful intimacy with someone he truly desired. But every time, he would break out in acne.
The anxiety of breaking up and having to put himself out there for what he truly wanted was too much. Acne helped him avoid that anxiety by giving him the perfect excuse to stay where he was in his “safe” but unfulfilling relationship.
5. Your Skin is Trying to Rewrite History
When a major chapter in a child’s development turns out badly – for example, a cold, distant parent fails to support emotional growth with nurturing love – there’s a powerful drive to rewrite history, to replay the same story, this time with a happy ending. However, when the story does not turn out differently, acne breakouts are a way for the body to express that pain.
Example: As a baby and toddler, Oscar’s mother loved and nurtured him with all her heart. However, when he became a young child, his mother, for some reason, withdrew her love. For whatever reason, she just couldn’t love a growing child the way she had loved a toddler. Oscar’s health and skin took a turn for the worst.
As an adult, Oscar had a habit of only dating women who were affectionate and supportive at the beginning of the relationship, and then become cold and withdrawn as the relationships progressed and Oscar became more confident and autonomous. Then came the acne breakouts. His deep unconscious desire to replay the scenario with a happy ending was always thwarted by his choice to choose women exactly like his mother. Until he changed his relationship choices, the acne would not end.
6. Your Skin is Suffering For Love
If a child learns that the world supplies love, protection, and support only when she is suffering, she may unconsciously conclude that pain is the ticket to getting what she needs. An even darker truth from a emotionally or physically abused child is that she learns that the ones who love you are the ones who hurt you. Along comes an inevitable link between love and pain, and later in life this produces all sorts of victims: chronic losers, the accident prone, and people who deeply fear success.
A painful and sightly skin condition certainly causes its victim enough suffering to qualify for anyone’s sympathy and support.
Example: As a child, Lorna was very neglected. Only when she was unhappy, upset, or ill did her parents ever come through with even minimal support. As an adult during stressful periods, her skin would break out in acne (and she would subsequently pick at it and cause intense wounds) as it was the only way she knew how to call out for love and support from her husband.
7. Your Skin is Loyal
Our personalities are very much shaped by the people around us, and especially those that we love and admire. If our parents thought well of us, loyalty to that view means self-esteem and accomplishment. However, we can also remain loyal to a negative view. We may think we are ugly if our parents apparently saw us that way, and we can dress and act in a way that makes that vision come to life. This could include aligning with that vision by breaking out in acne.
Similarly, children are very adept at identifying what it is that will bring them closer to their parents and those that they admire. If your Dad likes the Yankees, then becoming a Yankees fan is a good way to get positive attention. Similarly, if your mother spends hours staring at the mirror, using products, and complaining about her acne, joining in on the pity party is a sure fire way to get closer and have something to share with Mom. If your acne were to disappear, so would that bond.
8. Your Skin is Remembering
Sometimes when something happens to us that is so traumatic and overwhelming that it won’t fit into our worldview and sense of self, it’s just too much for our brains. Driven by our need for protection against emotional overload, we try to deny it and sweep it under the psychic rug.
However, unless those traumas are processed and dealt with, our skin will remember for us and continuously remind us that we have some unfinished business to deal with.
Example: Vic was a pilot who happened to break out in acne every time his flight schedule took him over a particular canyon. Later on in therapy, he admitted that a fellow friend and pilot died in a plane crash in that canyon. Vic was actually supposed to be the pilot who took that flight, but he was kept in by illness.
The acne disappeared as Vic managed to gradually face and process the buried sadness and guilt over his friend’s death.
9. Your Skin is Telling Forbidden Truths
With subtle hints and signs, many parents tell their children not to be what they are, and not to feel what they feel. The need for love and respect is the enforcer – we cover up what we are, or face the threat of emotional starvation and neglect. We learn to hide the truth from ourselves and the rest of the world. We refuse to let ourselves feel angrier, or needier, or more sexually aroused that we are prepared to admit.
However, no emotion just simply dries up and blows away with the wind. The skin, as the body’s larget and most visible organ, is a perfect candidate for truth telling (think about the way someone blushes when they are embarrassed). Someone whose personal party line is that “everything is fine” may only show the truth through his ravaged face.
Example: Sarah had a baby who was colicky, crying incessantly day and night, and causing a very stressful situation. Instead of supporting her, her husband withdrew and tried to pretend the turmoil didn’t exist.
Sarah became resentful and depressed, secretly wishing to escape her new life, but could not admit this taboo to herself because she was committed to the idea of being a good mother and wife. The acne began spreading across her face, as her skin was trying to tell her the truth that she needed to leave her unhappy marriage and move on without him.
10. Your Skin is Trying to Stop Time
For some parents, they feel a real twinge of regret as their children become adults. A child may unconsciously oblige them by staying “forever young” if these regrets were expressed persuasively by the adult.
A child taught that he won’t make it in the tough “grown up world” may be immobilized by fear and long to stay in the safety of adolescence. He may sabotage job promotions, dress boyish or girlish, or perhaps, his skin may break out in acne as a way for him to keep himself immersed in the teenage years and avoid the scary task of adult responsibilities
Example: 22 year old Stella got laid off from her job as a dental hygeniest, and ended up moving back in with her parents and worked in a store across the street from their home. Her parents loved it and hinted that they wished she had never left, but she found it humiliating being back at home. Not only that, but she had also been dealing with a string of relationships with men who started out caring and nurturing, but ended up abusive and humiliating.
While she was living there, her acne got worse and worse, which caused her to stay longer than expected due to the embarrassment of trying to find a job and move out with her skin so bad. Well, it turns out that her sudden skin troubles had two purposes: stop the clock to spare her parents the pain of their youngest child leaving the nest, and also spare Stella the pain of dealing with mature relationships.
11. Your Skin is Telling the World You’re Not Perfect
Parents who overpraise a child’s accomplishments may seem to encourage self-esteem, but the result is often the opposite when such accomplishments are demanded to beef up a parent’s own frail ego. Some parents insist on their child to be the perfect daughter with spotless fingernails and a straight-A report card, or that their son be a flawless athlete-scholar. This denies the reality of the child. They may grow up feeling that if they are not perfect, then they are nothing. And since nobody is perfect, this is a recipe for disaster!
People with parents who put pressure on them to be perfect often grow up to be one of those tiresome people who will tell you about how important their jobs are, how smart their children are, how expensive their sweater is, how fast their car is, and how big their house is. The performance is hollow because it is a caricature of true self esteem. People like this often want to subtly communicate to the outside world that there is more to them than this act they put on, and sometimes the skin is how the message is carried.
Example: Lance was the youngest of a series of brothers, each of whom had been pressed by their mother to fill the emotional gap left by their depressed, alcoholic father. Each had failed. Lance had valiantly tried to be her champion, had excelled in high school sports and even looked the part of the handsome hero, but he repeatedly broke out in acne, the weakest link under his heavy emotional burden.
While his mother encouraged his success, she also constantly expressed an unspoken reproach: “How can you be so happy, young, and successful when your poor divorced mother is so miserable?” Lance’s acne cried out a disclaimer: “I’m not perfect either. I hurt too.”
So there you have it – 11 eye opening things your skin could be telling you, although you shouldn’t take it as so black and white. As Ted Grossbart says, we are all mixed bags of complicated emotional needs, and the skin problem that can be reduced to a single pattern or task is as fictional as the person whose character consists of a single trait.
A real acne case endured by a real person may involve several of these patterns. You may notice one or two that seem the most relevant, but all may have something to teach you.
Also, if you have some of these patterns, you may not have evolved them solely from your parents, as is implied. They could have developed from many situations in your life. However, we generally pick up our deepest and most stubborn patterns from our early interactions with those we depend on to provide love, protection, and nurture (ie. your parents or caregivers).
Just as these patterns never involve growing or feeling in isolation, most skin disorders are best understood as relationship problems rather than as the illness of one man or one woman. Infantile eczema, for example, typically signifies trouble between a baby and its mother; in adulthood, a spouse may come to play the mother’s role.
Your skin disease means trouble at the border between yourself and others: resolving the underlying tasks will require changes in how you interact with them. First, however, you must learn to see yourself as you really are – under your skin.
Make sure you read and download Skin Deep (it’s free! Scroll to bottom of page to download it from their link) for full descriptions and examples of these 11 points, and so much more to help you on your way to emotional wellness and clear skin.
Watch Me Talk About All This in Video
Do you see one or more of these patterns in your own life? Do you think any of them might be playing a role in your problem with acne?
Well sheesh. I came here to grab a quick Saturday recipe, and this ended up almost making me cry. I grew up in a physically abusive household and have had a number of emotionally abusive friendships and relationships throughout my life, and I think the second point nails it for me – anger. I grew up with a lot of repressed rage, mostly because if I didn’t repress it as a young child, I’d be badly beaten for it. And I guess the habit of repression stuck, because I quietly accepted a lot of mistreatment from others because I felt it was my responsibility to be “nice” and “loving” – after all, anyone who would be so cruel must have tons of problems of their own, right? And in relationships like that, as I’m sure some of you know, the abusive party often finds a way to emotionally “punish” you for any assertiveness or expression of anger. So it was always there, boiling under the surface. There were days I just wanted to die because I had no outlet for it and I could physically feel it eating my insides, like fire or acid. Strong and burning.
I didn’t really get it in perspective until my 20s when one particular person pushed me too far and I snapped. My skin was horrible. I hated my life. I went on a spree of cutting out everyone who caused me pain and suffering, and even though it meant I started spending a lot of time alone, it turned out I found a lot of new hobbies, interests and people that actually – whaa? – made me happy. I realized that I’d never expect my loved ones to take abuse, so why should I expect it of myself? My overall health improved a great deal after this change – better sleep, better energy, better immune system. It didn’t magically turn my skin perfect, but I have NEVER AGAIN seen the kind of furious, red-hot inflammation that used to be all over my face. It’s never again gone to that extreme. I think it’s because my insides are so much happier and at peace now. I haven’t felt that kind of rage in awhile, thank goodness.
This is a fascinating article. I’m really interested to see what other people have to say/share in this regard.
God damn that’s a long comment. Sorry lol.
That’s okay, I know it was a bit of a mother of a post. *hugs* I’m sorry you had to go through what you did growing up, but I’m so happy to hear that you have made so many positive changes in your life and are moving through the emotions and into peace 🙂 Yay.
I totally feel what you feel. Anger is another one of my struggles as well. My father was a very angry person when I was a child and I repressed my anger and emotions to keep him from getting angry. I struggled for a long time with anger-feeling angry at him for not being the best dad and husband he could have been and for making me a scared and sad child. However, dealing with this repression of my emotions was the only thing that helped me start clearing my skin! Our bodies really don’t lie.
I can relate to all of them, especially number 10. I’ve realized in the past year my skin has gotten so much better( I think my hormones have just balanced after being so messed up, plus not caring about my acne anymore) yet I still have a picking problem sometimes, or mess with my skin when it gets really good. It is like I consciously want it gone like you said, but I still hold on to it. For me, I realized it is time to face my fears that I have put on hold the past few years, and just growing up in general. It’s amazing that a few years ago I would have done anything to get rid of my acne, but at the same time I didn’t realize I was holding onto it emotionally.
It’s crazy how much we don’t realize that we are actually emotionally attached to acne. It seems nuts since we hate it so much, but it does often contain hidden “benefits”. Sometimes it’s like we just align so much with this view of ourselves as “someone with acne who has to hide away”… it’s like if we didn’t have it, what is it that we would have to face? Would things really be any different if the acne wasn’t there? Would you really be happier? I’d say for some people yes, but people who heavily identify with many of these patterns, it’s unlikely.
Anyway… I’m glad you are aware of your patterns 🙂 Good luck on continuing to journey through them and come out the other side.
Great post! The social aspect of health is soooo important, often underestimated, and very backed-up by research. Social engagement with others should be a time of stress relief, love, and soul nourishment. If you engage in toxic relationships it will no doubt express itself in other areas of your health—such as acne. There’s no need to have these kinds of relationships in your life and a SOCIAL DETOX can fix this problem! Either mutually work to fix a relationship or kick it to the curb if it has no hope. I’ve definitely had my fair share of toxic relationships. Although a social detox can sound like a daunting task the end result will make you feel soooo much better, trust me! 🙂
Amen Sarrah!
I really enjoyed this article! I know that stress causes a lot of problems, especially in the skin, but the examples were really helpful because I could see myself in several of the example situations.
I am currently in a stressful and unfulfilling relationship, but I cannot seem to get out of it. I don’t like hurting anyone. However, I don’t like hurting myself. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. This article is helping me to consider my options and hopefully, in the end, do what is right for me.
Hi Michele,
Yes, everyone ends up finding themselves in that position sometime or another… having to hurt someone in order to do what’s best for yourself. It’s really a terrible situation, but having gone through it many times myself (and believe me, hurting anyone is the last thing I want to do!), I can definitely attest to the benefits of doing what is best for you and just getting it over with. It will hurt, but the goods news? They are going to survive, and you will thrive. Just go for it.
amazing article Tracey..keep up the good work:)
Thanks Konica!
I just wanted to thank you for this post. You see, I’ve been having these dreams and daydreams that my husband dies and my friends all gather around me in sympathy. And of course, this makes me feel super guilty, because it might mean that I secretly want to leave him, or that I feel trapped in our marriage. The truth is, it has nothing to do with that. I’m afraid of him dying. I worry every time he drives somewhere that he will get in a car crash. I worry when he has a cough that it’s really lung cancer. And daydreaming about it gives me a plan.
In high school, I had a friend die of brain cancer. We were 17 years old, and it wasn’t fair. It destroyed that sense of invincibility that teenagers have, and I started worrying about all the ways me friends could die.
A month later, my grandmother died of bone cancer. My grandfather became a drunk. Intervention after intervention. Detox after detox. He always falls off the wagon. He doesn’t know how to live without my grandmother, so he’s just waiting to die. I don’t want that to be me.
So I daydream about what I would do if I lost my husband.
I had a long, emotional talk with him about this last night, and I feel better having acknowledged it. If it helped me skin clear more quickly, that would be a nice side effect.
Hi Jen,
Good for you for talking to your husband about it. I’m sorry to hear about your past experiences.. I can imagine it’s incredibly difficult to stop the imagination after going through things like that, but remember fear is fear, and it has no bearing on reality except what we make up in our heads! Good luck on your journey of moving through these stuck emotions.
I love this and Im starting to read his ebook
Im not sure if its true with me and acne (possibly– because my acne improves a ton in the summer…could be less stress and vit d though) BUT I got a terrible rash once I graduated from college and did about 2 months of extra student teaching at my former elementary school. Could not figure out what it was from but I suppose it could have been emotional.
The only thing is that its kind of disheartening reading this book because I dont know what emotions are causing what….
On a side note Id love if youd update everyone briefly on your diet (do you eliminate dairy? sugar? wheat?) and supplements you take as well as your cleansing method (still jojoba and honey?)
I tried honey and its working wonders but I need some help fixing my hormones bc now I have all this new hormonal acne on my chin
Hi Joanna,
For diet, I pretty much eat everything… I try to keep gluten to a minimum but still eat it. Yeah. I just eat everything but try to make it as natural as possible without stressing about it too much – natural meat, raw milk, vegetables, fruits, non gluten grains (and some gluten too), beans. Yep.
For my skincare, I don’t do anything at all anymore. The caveman. No washing. Google “the love vitamin caveman regimen” to read the articles about it. But manuka and jojoba is what I mostly recommend if you aren’t into that.
For hormonal stuff, read this article: https://thelovevitamin.com/6855/treat-female-hormonal-acne/
Hey Tracy,
This may be a little off topic but, I’ve been working toward clear skin holistically since August/ September 2012. I have been eating healthier (which I got less strict about as I went on, which also meant less stress about food), exercising, and recently (2-3 months ago) taking vitamins like fish oil, multi vitamin, and a probiotic. I also (about a month ago) started taking vitex and milk thistle. At first I broke out really bad but not severe. I knew it was a detox breakout. But now after 6 months I’m still having active acne all over my face. Granted that it’s a lot better, but should I still be having active acne? I’ve seen your video where you say that getting clear could take up to 7 months but even If I did get rid of my scars with my active acne it seems like I won’t be clear by that time.
Sorry for a long comment and I know getting clear is different for everybody. I would really appreciate some of your thoughts to help me understand if I am doing ok on my journey.
Hi Drea,
It’s hard to say… I’m guessing that after that long if you are still getting a fair bit of active acne, there is probably something going on. It could be a nutrient deficiency, a food sensitivity, maybe an emotional pattern as described in this article. Unfortunately I wish I could tell you what it is… maybe seeing a naturopath is a good next step – someone who could run some tests and see if there is something up?
Thank you so much. Atleast now I know the direction I need to go. 🙂
Hey Tracy, I quit using BP products about a month ago and have been using manuka honey for about a week and a half. I know it hasn’t been to long but my acne has been getting worse lately. I was wondering if I should start adding jojobo oil to the regimen? Another thing I am working on is clearing my diet, I want to have a more holistic approach to this as it will also make me healthier overall.
Hi Dani,
You could be getting a bit of a rebound breakout from quitting BP, which is normal. Keep going with a healthy diet and lifestyle and eventually it will even itself out
Thanks for the reply, one more question, should I do some kind of cleanse before I really get serious with a proper diet? I do not really eat any junk food or anything like that, but I have a lot to improve on, especially eating greens.
Ah, not necessarily. It might be a good idea if you need some kind of a challenge to get you kick started
This applies to weight as well. I kept getting bigger and bigger over the years because high school left me bitter and jaded about life. People saw me as weird, and I always felt bad about that even though I tried hard to fit in. My attitude about taking care of my appearance became “Pfft who am I trying to impress?” but eventually when I saw a photo of how big I’d gotten I realized that I wasn’t myself anymore and I wanted me back. I lost the weight but now I’m fighting acne out of the blue, I can’t help but feel that my emotions are trying to create a new wall to hide behind.
Hi Esther, that’s a good observation .. it’s very likely you may not be able to really be happy in your body until you deal with that wall. I’m sorry you had to deal with that in high school.
If you’re still in a fat-loss phase, keep in mind that stored toxins in your fat could be being released faster than your body can process them, leaving the excess to come out in your skin.
Haha ohhhh no! This means I’ll NEVER be clear as long as I have my family–love them, but they are my number one stressor.
>.<
-Cheryl
Ah, don’t say that 🙂 As he says: “resolving the underlying tasks will require changes in how you interact with them. First, however, you must learn to see yourself as you really are – under your skin.”
So I don’t know what that means exactly for you and your situation, but I do know that we can’t change people, we can only change our reaction to them. Easier said than done, lol! It’s okay if you want to throw a shoe at me for saying that hahah
Ha…wow. This is so true. The last couple months my skin has been doing pretty good. I’ve made a lot of lifestyle changes and finally thought I was turning things around. But then these past couple weeks I got a very unusual and prolonged breakout. I couldn’t figure out what was causing it. While it was going on, I was being harassed by a guy whom I had previously been involved with. For ten days I tried to break it off with him, but he kept harassing me worse and worse. Finally, I blocked his number. And my breakout stopped! It pretty much lasted for just the time he was bothering me. Amazing. My skin was telling me to get away from this toxic, dangerous guy.
Hi Mary, wow crazy! That’s pretty clear cut, isn’t it. Amazing how much our skin can be trying to say.
Oh, for a moment I thought YOU had broken up with your bf and was a little sad but then I noticed it was someone else 🙂
I was wondering: Have you ever read anything about the difference between acne, folliculitis and kp? I read a little about it these days and stumbled upon that article claiming that sometimes we might not be suffering from acne but from one of the other two diseases. I found it quite interesting (despite the fact that suffering is always just suffering…)
hah, nope! We are still strong 🙂
Hmm.. yes, that’s true… I think that does sometimes happen where acne is confused for another skin issue. I don’t know enough about the specific differences though off the top of my head. I do think that is one thing conventional doctors are good at though… diagnosing if you don’t know what you have!
I haven’t finished reading this, but I wanted to include another reason that excess stress and “toxic” people and situations can make your skin go crazy — PICKING! I know, I know, broken record. We’ve talked about skin picking a lot, and I look forward to one today purchasing your ebook on the matter (It’ll happen!), but as soon as I become stressed, or relive negative situations that I can’t control or couldn’t fix, or can’t fix still, I pick. I don’t even realize it, but I do. I need to physically manipulate something, and my skin is the “perfect” target. It involves me not having to talk about it to anyone, I can hide when I do it, and it comes after taking a shower (the worst time) since the shower is my “time to reflect.” If I’m reflecting on stressful events, then my next step is to pick. The step after that: breaking out. It’s a terrible cycle, one I hope to completely eradicate from my being.
Hi J – This is definitely true!! Skin picking is so emotionally based
What you do is amazing,great advices, great articles, just keep doing that 😀
All of this makes a lot of sense, in fact maybe too much sense. It worries me because sometimes when you start to read about psychological conditions you can start to think you have a little bit of any or all of them, you know? The truth is that there is something very wrong with my skin, and I am very tired of my chin looking red and or pimply. It may be true that sometimes my relationship causes me anxiety, but I recognize that I don’t want to end it. My boyfriend does let me know at times that he too wishes my face looked normal but I suppose I’d be the same way if there was something wrong with his face that wasn’t there before. What’s a person to do? The last thing I want to do is become hooked on some thing prescribed by a dermatologist, because I don’t trust them; I believe they are interested in making money. I was on an antibiotic or actually about 3 different ones in about 4-5 years, and I don’t think any worked.
This may be a “this too shall pass” type of affliction. A previous post talked about how not focusing on her skin coincided with her skin clearing up. Not sure if you could say that it cleared up because of not focusing on it, but just that it happened simultaneously. I also had this experience, but it was during a very stressful or distressing time in my life, when I was away from my boyfriend for 6 months. But it’s not like being away from my boyfriend is the key, because it was clear for about a year spanning hot and cold seasons, after that period of awayness.
So how do you tell your skin to shut up and let you live your life? I don’t know whether I find this article extremely troubling in a helpful or debilitating way…
Hi Tracy,
This article really resonated with me. Acne has always been a part of me growing up, and it didn’t help being surrounded by friends who had perfect skin and gave you a hard time about your acne. The criticism, comments and judgment people pass on your acne is just too stressful and painful to take. I think it’s really important to be around people who understand what you’re going through, support you and love you for just who you are. It just helps in the healing process.
The problem with the examples you listed (I’m reading skin deep now) is.. How do I solve it? I can relate to number 1,2,3 and 6 but how do I solve the problem??
Hi Adel,
You can try all sorts of things… meditation, EFT, hypnosis, forgiveness practices… this guy might be of big help to you: https://thelovevitamin.com/11141/emotions-acne-mystery-solved/
Thing is… I think it takes a bit more than that to cure the anger I have deep inside of me but I’m going to have some future consultations with Ted grossbart soon.. So hopefully he’ll help.
Thanks for this page. In my almost 30 years of acne-prone skin life, trying as all that I can from hygiene of life to Accutane to Chinese medicine, it was the most healing experience reading the 11 possible messages from your skin. I started to guess such relationships between our skin and emotional needs, but this page confirms every bit of it. After I became independent from my parents who cared for me in such a way that I felt the need to push them away and escape in some way, my skin finally started to clear.
Wow, awesome!! Thanks for sharing that Mimi! Amazing, the skin-emotions connection